A
female
age
51-59,
*nbound88
writes:One of my co-workers was talking about her new boyfriend the other day amongst several of us women during our lunch break. We knew she usually didn't have sex right away when dating a new guy. She really likes the guy she has currently started seeing and actually broke her "own" rule of waiting 3 months to have sex with a new boyfriend. We were all happy for her. Someone said "you were safe, right?" She said, "oh yeah, I'm on an IUD and I made him get a blood test for STDs before we did it." There was a noticeable silence when she said this. I have always used condoms even though I am on the pill just to protect myself from STDs, even though I know a condom does not protect against things that might be on the skin it doesn't cover. I would rather try and protect myself as much as possible in the long run. I think we were all shocked to hear she didn't use a condom with this new guy. Not that we were judging her because she is a friend. But I was just kinda shocked when I heard this. What does everyone think about this? Also, has anyone else ever done what she did and NOT use condoms in a new relationship the FIRST time you have sex? (I know slip ups happen from time to time but I am talking about the first time you EVER have sex with a new person.)
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female
reader, unbound88 +, writes (10 March 2008):
unbound88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Double M, you stated: "among healthy and reasonably prudent people who do not have relations with slutty people, intravenous drug users or bi- homosexual individuals, the likelihood of getting anything really bad, or anything at all, is usually rather unlikely." I KNOW THIS STATEMENT FOR A FACT TO BE TOTALLY AND IRREVOCABLY FALSE!!! MY DOCTOR actually confirmed this and I have known a lot of really good friends who weren't "slutty" and ended up with STDs such as Herpes and Molluscum Contagiosum. TWO EXAMPLES: One of my best girl friends (not promiscuous, is clean, etc.) got herpes EVEN THOUGH SHE USED A CONDOM and her boyfriend had never had a breakout and never had symptoms. THIS IS VERY COMMON. Now she must live with this and control breakouts the rest of her life. My own sister (who was clean, not promiscuous, etc.) got cervical cancer/HPV from a past serious/monogamous boyfriend who was not "slutty", NOR an IV drug user, promiscuous, dirty, etc. He even took a blood test for her and came out clean beforehand but ALAS the truth is most men do not have ANY symptoms when they have an STD, including it NOT appearing on any blood test. Thus they can easily spread it to their partners which is what happened to her. WOMEN USUALLY GET MORE STDs THAN MEN BECAUSE OF THIS. My sister almost died because of this so that is why I say and ANY DOCTOR WORTH THEIR SALT WILL TELL YOU ALWAYS, ALWAYS, USE A CONDOM!!! Your LIFE is not something to gamble with and it does NOT depend on how "clean" the other person "looks". And PS plenty of "bi and homosexual" people do NOT have STDs and plenty of "hetero" people do. I am sure you would be surprised at how many "soccer moms" in your neighborhood actually have herpes or something similar due to a past sexual encounter or even from their own husband. STDs do not discriminate against whether a person is gay or straight and most people who end up with them were NORMAL people like you and me who were clean and careful but got something anyway. Also gay does not equal dirty or promiscuous anyway. These STDs are just looking for a host to live in and this is tragic!
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Okay. Safe is good, but I think that you may be a bit phobic about sexually transmitted diseases. Among healthy and reasonably prudent people who do not have relations with slutty people, intravenous drug users or bi- homosexual individuals, the likelihood of getting anything really bad, or anything at all, is usually rather unlikely.
My source for such a position includes several physicians, who claim that my personal greater threat to health is a lack of sexual activity. But that aside, be as careful as you believe is necessary, by all means. Condoms may provide a bit of protection for those who feel threatened by a partner's condition. Abstention is the safest, but I'm clean and I'll pass on worrying in reasonable situations.
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A
female
reader, unbound88 +, writes (7 March 2008):
unbound88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW these are some good answers but not what I was expecting. I agree she was smart to get him to take a blood test for STDs but I know for a fact that some STDs do not show up on a blood test such as it taking 10 years for someone to appear HIV positive. Or, if he was recently infected with HIV, it would not show up for a while. Then she would have slept with him and gotten exposed to something even HE didn't know he had. JUST TOO RISKY. I personally have ALWAYS used condoms, even in long-term relationships, as well as been on the pill. I know they don't protect against ALL things, especially things that could be on the SKIN not covered by the condom, but I would rather be safe then sorry and it gives me that "safety net". I really feel my friend took her life in her hands by having sex with him without a condom. The only time I would EVER do that is if I was married to someone or trying to have a baby with them, and even then there is a great risk. Thanks for all the responses!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Good for her, acting safely. If she really did ask her hook-up to get a blood test first, that's great. That will check for STD's in a hot second! The only STI's that the blood test does not cover are chlamydia and gonorrhea. Depending on what doctor her hook-up saw, he may have gotten the urine test to check for those STD's as well.
The IUD is a great method of birth control for women as well. She clearly is being very smart about her sexcapades. Good for her!!
xx India
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 March 2008):
Getting the blood test is probably much better than relying on a condom to prevent disease. If everyone in the Western world who is sexually active would do that, we all would probably not have to worry nearly so much about sexually transmitted diseases.
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A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (6 March 2008):
I think she is safer getting him to have STD checks then she would be using a condom with a man that doesn't know if he has a disease or not. Condoms are not reliable against all diseases, and there is always the chance that they may split, so I think your friend is a very sensible girl making him get tested first.
I have previously when I was a lot younger slept with someone for the first time without a condom, being pretty naive I took his word for it that he had nothing. Luckily I was absolutely fine, but when I got a bit older I always made sure that I used condoms with a new partner, until we both got tested to make sure that everything was fine.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Well I can't really give too much advice here as I have only ever slept with one person and we were virgins when we met! However, I do think what she did was a little drastic, incredibly sensible but a little drastic. The guy she must have slept with was very good by taking the tests as this would probably put most guys off, so he seems decent enough. However, as you have said she really likes this guy and has even broken her rule for him SO I can understand not wanting to use condoms. To be completely honest here, I believe that condoms should be used for people who are going to be sleeping with different people rather than for people who want to be in a serious relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with what she did, but I hope she is taking a contraceptive pill(i'm not sure if this is what you call an IUD or not) just so that she doesn't get pregnant! Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with this as she had him check himself out first.
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