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Why does my ex initiate conversations on skype?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 October 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 October 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *re101 writes:

Why does my ex boyfriend initiate conversations with me daily on Skype when we're no longer together?

He's been initiating conversations for about 2 weeks now.

He also apologises when he is quiet on there and says 'I really hope you're okay' a lot. He was the dumper. We broke up 4 weeks ago.

View related questions: broke up, my ex

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntJust because you tell him that you are okay does not stop him from feeling guilty. Plus he knows your mental health issues therefore he probably feels worse about it. If you don't want to block him and you are not hurting or still have feelings then great. But from experiI nice friendship never works after a breakup

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A female reader, tre101 United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2016):

tre101 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for your responses :)

I have some additional information to add that I feel is important. Unfortunately I didn't feel my previous post was detailed enough...

About him feeling guilty about dumping me, it's true that I was upset about the break up at first, but that eventually passed. Since then I've always been positive and friendly to him and told him I'm doing fine, so there is no need for him to feel guilty. He seems happy/relieved when I tell him this and says I'm incredible. However, me explaining that I'm fine still doesn't stop him saying "I hope you're okay" all the time.

Since the break up, I've only initiated once. When I did, he thanked me for saying hi and said it meant a lot to him, and told me to please stay awesome and amazing. I'm simply wondering what could be on his mind. I don't wish to ask him as I don't want to be confrontational or make him assume I want him back.

P.S. We were in a 3 year relationship and known each other for 10 years, so please don't tell me to block him. :) I'm not hurting and don't wish to remove an important person from my life. Just because he was the dumper doesn't mean he is a bad person. It was my depression and anxiety that caused the strain on our relationship and I hold no resentments towards him.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (20 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntStop taking his calls, stop sitting hoping that he is thinking about you, that he wants you back, that he regrets breaking up with you because that is not why he keeps calling you. He is calling because he feels guilty, he has not found anyone else so probably lonely and keeping you there as a safety net.

He broke up with you, yes that is hard and you need to move on, but he is not allowing you because he is selfish. Block him from skype and find someone who is worth your time.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (20 October 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntWhy are you taking his calls is the bigger question? We don't know why he's doing it... Could be bored, guilty, wanting to see how miserable you are, lonely... But why are you entertaining him that too when he dumped you? You should have more self respect than that! The relationship is over, he left you, he showed you where you stand in his life. Isn't that enough for you to never ever want to hear from him again?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (20 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHe could be soothing his guilt for dumping you.

He could be bored or lonely.

Or he just wants to keep getting your attention, so you won't move on and find someone "better"...

The REAL question isn't why HE is doing this, it's why are YOU? What do you hope to gain by continuing to be available?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (20 October 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBecause he is keeping you on the back burner in case whatever (whoever) he is doing doesn't work out.

How you respond depends on whether you feel comfortable being treated as a safety net.

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