A
male
age
36-40,
*ojola
writes:i am married and my wife recently told me that she would masturbate from the time of her ex-lover to the time when she had our first kid. What should i do? Should i leave her because she is not that into me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 If you don't want her to please herself then yeah leave her and your family. If that is all it takes who are we to stop you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Are you serious?Mostly all women masturbate. Just like men do.Do YOU masturbate? Should she LEAVE YOU because you masturbate?Well?If you can do it, so can she.It is normal and perfectly healthy to masturbate.There is no issue here.I would be worried if she took up with another man as a form of sexual pleasure rather than taking care of herself.Let her be. Let her enjoy her own body. And you do the same. Just because a woman masturbates does not automatically mean they are not into their partner nor find them sexually appealing or satisfying. Self masturbation is an extra in a relationship. Icing. Not the entire cake.What else gives you the impression she is not into you anymore?Masturbation alone cannot be the whole picture.
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A
female
reader, dragonsbabe  +, writes (20 October 2016):
I dont think you should be threatened unless her self love is completely obliterating your sexy time together..if your not having sex at all then i would personally be having words
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Don't you masturbate as well??
As much as you think the sexuality between men and women are different, and the stereotype that women must be relationship-geared when it comes to all forms of sexuality, that isn't true.
Just as you masturbate to provide yourself with quick relief doesn't mean that your desire for her is any less. On the contrary, unless you're masturbating several times per day and are experiencing physical side effects of overuse, women are the same way!
In fact, if she's masturbating occasionally, that bodes WELL for you! It's not because you're not enough or she's not int you. It means she has a healthy sex drive and knows what pleasures her, which means that she can guide YOU to join in on the mutual pleasure! It would be worse if she never masturbated and didn't know what an orgasm was or have never had one. That's more of a concern to have, because faking pleasure or worse, hating sex, that's the real relationship threat.
I see from your flag that you're from Zimbabwe. First off, I applaud that you've come here for advice, which means that you didn't just jump to your own conclusions and mistreat her because of your worries. That's GOOD!
I also know that in Zimbabwe, there's still the practice of female genital mutilation and circumcision, though I don't know how prevalent it is still. I do know WHY it happens and used to happen far more commonly...it's because of the absolutely false consideration that if a woman experiences an orgasm, it would entice her to stray in the marriage.
That is false. It's a crime. It's hideous. Imagine if the tables were turned and society thought that to make a man faithful, he had to have the glans of his penis removed in order to keep him faithful to his wife. I guarantee that wouldn't fly.
In truth, you are LUCKY your wife masturbates. You have no idea how lucky you are! It's not because of her ex that she masturbates. It's because she discovered how. If she were thinking of her ex, she's still be with him. She's not fantasizing about her ex. She's concentrating on her feelings and sensations.
Next time you two have sex, do some extra exploring! Ask her what she does that gives herself the most pleasure. Consider the knowledge your given to mean that her sexuality is healthy, and that she WANTS to be with you! Consider it a challenge to you to discover new ways to pleasure her using what she knows as a starting point!
Remember - she's not with her ex. She doesn't want her ex. She'll NEVER want her ex. She doesn't think about her ex. She doesn't compare YOU to her ex. She wants ONLY YOU. She's the mother of your child...don't even dream of leaving for a reason like this! She's a real keeper especially if she's honest with you like this, especially considering the culture.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): I've got news for you, women masturbate as much as men do (well maybe not AS much) and for exactly the same reasons. We just don't broadcast it as much.
Why should you leave her? I bet you masturbate so does that mean you aren't into your wife? No of course not. It's normal stop worrying about it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Seriously? You would leave your wife and child/children because your wife admitted to doing something which most people do and which is absolutely no threat to you or your relationship?
This is the 21st century, my friend. Women are allowed to have sexual needs and to sort them out themselves if they see fit. Would you rather she had looked for relief in the form of casual sex?
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