A
female
age
30-35,
*heerwhore23
writes:first of all I'm 16 NOT 13. Okay. So I've been friends with benifits with this guy for like 2 years..and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird..this guy is a major player but when he likes someone he's like..amazingly different..well he told me that he likes me..but idk if he's serious cuz he's always joking around about us dating..but this time..he might be serious..but one day he will be super sweet and the next he won't even try to talk to me..whats going on!!?? :(
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I don't understand why a girl with good self esteem, straight-A's, and varsity sports would be willing to have sex from the age of 14 with a guy providing no commitment, love, or communication. Wouldn't you want a boyfriend?
As for what's going on...
The other aunts are right (most of them). He's doing what 'players' do. Making you feel wanted and desired enough occasionally to keep you available for sex, whilst refusing to define the relationship. Keeping you guessing so you'll be willing to sleep with him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 What's going on is that he is playing you right,left and center.
He only likes you "some times " ?- Does not this suggest you anything ? ...A basic simple truth ? That one who likes you some times- does not like you ENOUGH.
It's like having a job where you only get paid some times- not a good job...
As for your self esteem, self esteem is not some theorical, abstract value- it is something practical and tangible, that you show daily through your actions.
Your actions ( being intimate with a guy whom you can't even tell you like him -for fear he freaks out ! ) SHOW you might have some problem in this area. It's nothing to be ashamed of,but it's something you could work on.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (13 July 2010):
 If you weren't prepared for judgment, you shouldn't have posted such a question. It doesn't matter how many excuses you make for him, he. is. using. you.
This type is always sweet only when they want something, which in your case is sex, and only sex.
He's NOT serious about dating you. It's a line he's feeding you so you stick around, because losing you means he loses having sex with you. In the end, you only mean one thing to him. This is not in any way a compliment!
'and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird'
So having no strings attached sex with him for two years is okay, but telling him you like him isn't? That makes absolutely no sense. Telling someone you like them a lot is what should come FIRST.
Also, I don't know about everyone else around here, but in my opinion a username like 'cheerwhore23' screams 'pay attention to me!'. No self-respecting woman would refer to herself as a whore.
This carries through in the way you hang on to your FWB relationship, because without it you wouldn't be getting attention from him, even though it's negative. The fact that you've put up with his bullshit for two years makes it clear you'd rather get negative attention than none.
You're not fooling anyone here. If you really had high self esteem and a sense of self-worth, you wouldn't be hanging onto this guy and letting him use you whenever it's convenient. A sense of self-worth is knowing not to settle for someone that only uses you and strings you along, all while you delude yourself into thinking he might just maybe want you to be his girlfriend someday. He doesn't. He never will. He's just going to keep using you until he gets tired of you or someone better comes along.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2010):
 And seriously, you have sex with this guy but you don't want to tell him you like him? That's just weird.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2010):
If he really wanted to date you he already has had plenty of time to do it. But he won't, since he is already getting everything he needs from you. Why should he make you his girlfriend? What's the incentive? What extras is he going to get from that? Nothing, that's what! So he won't do it.
You can sit around and eat the crumbs, or you can meet someone else and get the whole cake. It's your choice.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality +, writes (13 July 2010):
Go get yours kid because he is getting his. At your age you should be having multiple partners and not tied to anyone anyway.
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A
female
reader, cheerwhore23 +, writes (13 July 2010):
cheerwhore23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionumm thanks but I do go to church(: and I'm perfectly fine..I have everything I could possibly want..strait a's, varsity sports, college paid for..I'm not a lost low self esteem girl like u think...but thanks for the judgements anyway
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I just want to tell you that I think it is really sad that you have allowed yourself to be used like this by a guy since you were a child of 14. What is happening to our young people today? It's very very sad. You already are an empty shell of a person, with little or no identity or self esteem, no self love. Anyone that can't let someone nice in to love them really can't because they don't know who they are and they can't love themselves.It is doubly bad that you have known this boy since the 1st grade and this is what level you have chosen, both of you to keep your relationship on, one of "benefits",He doesn't like you the way you like him, OK?. He's using you. You have made yourself as handy as a shirt pocket OK, you're taking care of his sexual needs, and when you show a little spunk and threaten not to be available he gives you a little piece of BS like Caring Guy says to keep you hooked in. He's not nice, he's not even a friend. Friend's don't treat friends like this.This is damaging to you, you are feeling worthless and less than and you are allowing someone to define you that way. Start getting involved in church. I'm serious, you need to get your core values and identity otherwise the path you are currently on will be a recurring theme in your life and you will really end up used and abused by someone three times as bad as this one....he's just a newbie at being an assclown/player, wait until you meet the more experienced ones,,,,you don't stand a chance honey.
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A
female
reader, cheerwhore23 +, writes (13 July 2010):
cheerwhore23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell actually... We've been really good friends since 1st grade..idk how to explain it cuz like he can be a really good boyfriend..all of his relationships are like super long..hes only a player when he doesn't like anyone but everyone thinks he likes me but he only acts like it sometimes
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 July 2010):
He's really reeled you in, hasn't he? He's a player, and you're a FWB. That's as far as this will go. I think every time he gets a bit nervous that you'll leave or something, he tells you suddenly he might want to be with you. Don't fall for it. You can't tame a player. You will always be an FWB to this guy. If you're looking for more, go elsewhere.
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