A
male
age
41-50,
*EACHY
writes:I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 and she is 9 years younger then me.I fell in love so deep.And she seemed love me too.Soon,I left my wife and ask her for divorce,but she didn't want to sing papers for divorce.I move out anyway,and soon after that me and new girl was in our own apartment.Please people don't understand me wrong,I am not one of this people who just left wife and kids for someone younger or more pretty.Cold relationship between wife and me was going on years.I would probable left her even if I didn't saw this other girl.Anyway,my new love was nice on beginning.But,soon I figure out that she lie a lot.Before we move in together,we date for three months. I ask her where and with who she lives or what she is doing for living.She told me that she live whit some crazy girlfriend who don't like visitors and I can't visit her.I knew that is that little suspicious but I loved her and trusted her.She said that she use work on one shopping mall in beauty salon but that work was slow and she ended up without job.I trusted her that too.So,I never check out her stories,which I should,and soon we move in apartment.I was really in love like never before in my life.I work like technician and I make descent money.I was working my ass of.I was paying for everything.For rent,food,every bills.Still with all bills and just me working ,we struggle.I was else sending 300 $ every week to mother of my kids,like child support.When I meet"MY NEW LOVE" she was having her own car,but few weeks in relationship with me her car got reposition,cause she was not paying bills for it.I know that you guys gonna tell me that is too many reasons and weird things about her and I should be more careful.I was just so blind in love.She is really pretty and way she was talking with me,I trusted her with my own life.So,she would drop me every morning on my job,and after that she was going driving around,looking for new job.And like that,day after day,week after week.She never find job.Then,one day ,I find out that she actually never looked for job.One my friend,complete accidentally,saw my car more than 30 miles away from place where we lived.It was no reason for her to be that far away.That day after she pick me up on my job,I ask her about car and where she was going all those days.She tried to lie to me ,but little bit later,she change her story.We went in apartment,and she started to cry and tell me her life story.She was thrown out for her parents house when she was 18 cause she was doing a lot of bad things.Soon after that,she started to work like striptease girl,getting naked for money,and some of other even worst things.While working on those gross places,she met older gentlemen and he let her live in his house.At that time she was about 19 and that man was almost 50.She said that she didn't have other place to live then that.Thing is,he was not gentlemen.Because she didn't have any money,she was paying rent to him in other way.Sex.For years.He was taking her with him on birthday parties of his friends,vacations and she was pretty much his sex slave and in same time continue dancing at bars.Before I forget,while we were dating,she told me that she is going on little vacation trip with her girlfriends.That was lie.She went with that old nasty man.She told me that she didn't have any other options because he told her if she don't wanna go ,she can't live in his house anymore....... And while she was telling me this nasty story,she was crying in front of me for hours.I ask her why she didn't tell me all this before.She said that she was afraid that I will left her if I knew all this.She beg me for two days in tears to forgive her,and that she wouldn't ever hurt my feelings,and blah,blah,blah.I was lost.I still loved her and didn't know what to do.I started to feel sorry for her and her sad life story.I told her OK.And i told her that she can't even have contact again with that old man or anybody else who knew about her sad life story.She promise me slowly life went back to normal.She was better then ever before to me,about everything.But,something inside me was telling me that something was wrong.She still couldn't find job but she always had money.I was giving her money for groceries and other stuff.And I know how much stuff cost.But,she always somehow had extra money.Then shock.One evening while she was taking shower her cell went off.I answer phone and voice on other side ask me where she is.I asked;Who is this?Then that person hangup on me.It was male voice.I waited for her to finish her shower and I ask her about who that was.She right away started to panic and two minutes later I knew who that male voice was.That old molester she use to live with.Once again,she was crying and trying to tell me that was nothing going on.She just said that she ask him for money twice because she couldn't find job and felt bad for me how much and how long I have to work to provide money to us.Her story check out truth,but I was leaving.I told her that she promise me that she will never lied to me again and that she did.I told her that she can stay in apartment for three more months and that I will pay for everything,and that I don't want to be with her anymore.And I left.I still loved her at that time but I couldn't take that pain anymore......Couple of months pass by and I never heard from her again.Some days I was very sad cause I miss her a lot.I still believe that she was in love with me too.And four months after that my phone ring.It was her.In tears.She sounded so desperate and depressed.She beg me can we meet that evening somewhere because she want to tell me what is going on.I couldn't say no to her.And we meet again.She looked very bad.She sais that after I left,she went so sad that she lost will to live anymore.And that she miss me everyday.She said that she never talk with that old man after I left.It was truth.She said that after apartment she moved in with one of her girlfriend and her husband.She said that those people barely paying theirs bills and that she don't have any money for food or anything else.She really looked bad.I give her little bit money and she left.After that we started to see each other more and more.And we started with kisses again and we were back in love in couple of days.I was giving her money too.Then one day,I ask her can I go with her at place where she lives with her girlfriend.Then she said that they don't like visitors.Hmmm,sounded familiar.I knew she is hiding something.I ask her if she hiding anything from me again,and she said no.After that she didn't call me few days.Then,once again,she called me in tears and told me that she was lying to me and that she is sorry.Two months after I left her,she said she was so lonely and sad.And one day she meet some new guy.And,of course,because she is one beautiful faker and liar,soon after that she move in his house.He was about her ages and I guess he fell in love with her too.She said that she don't love him.And that she thinks about me and that she miss me.I was first time really upset with her and I ask her why she hurting me all this time.She said that she is sorry and that I will never find where she and this guy live.That makes me very mad.I know that after you read this story.most of you will think how stupid I was all this time with her.Maybe,but when you are in love,brain don't work really good.But,in everything else,i am far away from being stupid.Two days after I talk with her last time,I was already having his house address and cell phone number.And I called him.He sound like nice guy who is just blind in love like I was with her.I tried to tell him all bad things what she did to me.But after that,I guess he was talking with her and he decide to believe her story.I feel bad for him,because I do believe that he is nice guy.Next day I got letter from Court House.She wanted Peace order with me.And now,I can't contact her for six months.On the end,I am honest,hard working man.I never did nothing bad to anyone in my life.I just feel used by that liar women.She hurt me so many times in past two years and she deserve revenge.I don't have absolutely nothing against that guy.I just want revenge to her and I don't how to do it and what is best way to do that.I need help,I need idea.....Thanks ahead to all good people who understand my pain and how bad i feel
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depressed, divorce, fell in love, liar, money, moved in, revenge Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 When we desire to seek revenge, the person we're really angry with is ourselves. Admit it. Deep down inside you're really upset with yourself for allowing yourself to become involved with someone who is so beneath you. You thought you could "fix her" but she is "unfixable" because she is the only person who can fix herself. You need to let go and move on. Perhaps if you talk to a counselor it will help you deal with the anger and betrayal you feel. But healing will not begin until you cut off all forms of communication. Let it begin now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Read the entire story and the updates- you left your wife for a common,lying, cheating *hore. this woman saw a pathetic man looking for sex out of his marriage and bec she is so used to exchanging herself for sex saw you as an ideal candidate. Have you had an Aids checkup and other STDs recently. You have messed up your life just for sex with a common person. How do you face yourself and even face your friends and family? Are you the laghing stock of your city. This woman does not love you her lies are plentiful. You onlky have yourself to blame for getting mixed up with this person. One giid thing has come from this- at least your wife doesn't have a cheating husband anymore and now you have the cheap slut making you more miserable than you were in your marriage. I think it is called Karma. If you want to change your life then start by getting rid of the slut then ask your wife for forgiveness , then move on.
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A
male
reader, andre23 +, writes (14 July 2010):
DONT DO NOTHING!!!Stop talking to her and that other guy she is with and look for a good girl that is honest. Forget that bitch!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Sending those pictures with a letter is a dumb idea, it probably isn't against the law, but it won't serve any purpose, they are not going to believe their eyes or what they read because she is a master manipulator and she has her new man hooked, for now.The best predictor of future behavior (her life) is her past behavior. She will treat others the same as she did you, this guy and his family will realize that, but it could take a year or more for her to slip up...You are just wasting your emotional energy when you really need to take all that self righteous anger and use it to motivate you to learn how not to make these kinds of mistakes again, and to focus on achieving your life goals.Nothing good can come of harassing her and taking revenge, in fact you could end up in some serious trouble, you could be murdered by her psychopathic boyfriend, he could murder her and your letter and pictures used to frame you.Stranger things have happened, it's real life, man.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Your ego is bruised. You gave up everything for a trollop and now you're angry because she did to you what you did to your wife: she chose someone else. You shit and stepped in it with this woman--take your lumps like a man and move on. She was never worth it, you were just so blinded by her youth and looks that you didn't realize it.
Get over it. You sending those pictures is not going to hurt her or her relationship with that man or his family. If they truly like and care for her, it won't change. All she has to say is her demented ex-boyfriend is out to get her, and she'd be telling the truth.
Seriously, move on and leave her alone unless you want to end up in jail, lose your good job and ruin the likelihood of ever getting your life back on track.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Haven't you wasted enough time on her? Every minute you spend obsessing, stalking, thinking about her is a minute you will never ever get back.
Purge her from your system, delete her from your memory banks, 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' the entire situation.
You only get so many breaths and heartbeats and waking moments here on earth. Why waste one more single precious moment on this person? If you continue to go over and over the hurt and the pain and the lies, you will simply be experiencing these over and over again. Seems like a huge waste of pyschic energy to me.
Instead, turn your focus to your future. How can you improve yourself? What things do you now know about yourself, good AND bad? What new aspects of you deserve further exploration and analysis?
Learn to practice forgiveness. Learn about how the heart can heal itself, if given the proper nurturing and care. Bitterness and hate and anger are a nasty diet. Ingested and digested, they only lead to a bitter, angry and hateful person. That's not what you want for yourself, is it?
Then she'll have won, you know. She'll have won if you try to get revenge. She'll have dragged you right down to her level and turned you into a creep.
The best revenge is living well, someone wise once said. I think living well is living in serenity, peace, acceptance, love, compassion, joy, generosity of time and spirit. Cultivate, don't destroy. There's enough destruction and hate in this world as it is.
Let it go.
Create your own peace.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 July 2010):
You can get arrested for that. I can't remember off hand what the charge is, but you can be sued. Might be something like defamation. Anyway, all I know is that a guy here in Britain did it once before and his ex sued him. Seriously, you would be better letting her go.
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A
male
reader, MEACHY +, writes (13 July 2010):
MEACHY is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everybody for support and respond.At December 16.this year her peace order expiring.She told me once before that she likes his family(he got brother and sister and they are both married),and that they are very nice towards her.My plan for revenge was to send him,and his family members small latter with couple of her pictures from her past(some of them are kinda nasty and to hot or pornographic)and shortly explain to them what kind of real human trash she is .You guys agree with me on this?
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (13 July 2010):
Revenge is not what you need. It will not make you feel better in the long run, maybe fleeting but not good in the long run you will feel bad, because you are basically a nice guy who got dumped on by a user. Yes, she probably loved you, but she walks on the dark side of life and it is too much a part of who she is, therefore she cannot be good. She acts like she wants a better life, when in reality she just wants a better place to live while she still dwells in the dark alleys she's familiar with. You should change your phone number, move and not tell her where you are at. You MUST cut off contact with her. If you seek revenge, your life could be in danger. You know nothing of that nasty old man, but he may be connected to the mafia and she is not worth losing your life over! Think about your kids. You may not have loved your wife, but I know you love your kids. In time you will look back and feel like this was a lesson learned. Never trust blindly. At least not so soon. Keep your guard up when you are in a new relationship, keep your eyes and ears open. You can love someone but wait until you really know them before you trust anyone with your life! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (13 July 2010):
 It's really best not to think in terms of 'revenge'. It will only end up hurting you more. The worst thing you can do to her is to forget about her, and if possible see if you can repair your relationship with your own family. Children, in particular, might find it difficult going when their father leaves their mother.
Good things are unlikely to be in store for the young lady you've described. Don't do anything you might regret later. You loved her, maybe still do, so let the good times she showed you (as you have said she did), serve as an expiation for the hurt she has caused.
Don't hate her - hate is a strong emotion and strong emotions are dangerous. Forget about her and let time do it's healing trick.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2010):
 The best revenge is living your life well and enjoying every day.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Your story touch to my head.
Why we {human] need 'third eye?' You shut that, in search of 'nothing!!!'
Our mind is not able to live in 'UN-reality' Unreality give sickness.
Just open your 'third eye' and check the difference between truth and lying. Reshape your feeling, or better train your feel to follow 'head'
There is a vast difference between 'sensual feeling' and 'emotional feeling' Your mind is confused between these two.You will feel better, and will make right choice if you decide to allow your head to lead that 'emotional feeling'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): What a heartwarming story, not. It is not worth taking revenge on someone like her, she is a manipulator and a user and the fact that she is younger and prettier than your wife did turn your head, and that my man you need to own up to. So what your marriage had gone cold, you don't fix that by turning away from your wife. What about standing up in front of God and everyone and making your vows? Marriage is work, it's a life, it's goals, it's worth it.
Rescuing a damaged harpey is not a life, you made those choices you ignored the Red Flags and you chose to stick your neck out for her anyway. Of course it hurts, she betrayed you. That's what people with no character do, she's damaged, permanently, you can't fix her, no one can including the new guy. He'll get the same as you will.
Revenge won't make an impression of change on her either, she is what she is....a loser.
Now you stop being one, and tell yourself you've enmeshed yourself with her in anger long enough....because that is what you are doing, picking up where she left off and beating yourself till you're bloody over this.
Thank your lucky stars that she showed you her true colors and you are rid of her. Time to put your focus back squarely on you and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 July 2010):
When seeking revenge, dig two grave. One for yourself.
I forget who's saying that was. Could be a Chinese one. Anyway, the point is that if you try to do something, you could be the one in court, or with a restraining order or something like that. Revenge cheapens a person. She has already got one order so you can't contact her. Have anything else to do with her, and it'll be jail time. Yes, you were used. And yes, in an ideal world she'd go through something nice and horrific just to make you smile again. But the world isn't about justice. If you go looking for revenge, you'll be the one who pays for it. You need to let this woman out of your life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 You don't need revenge. The life she's living will lead her to a train wreck one day when you see in the newspaper that someone raped her and dumped her in the woods. Then you'll feel bad about your ill will. How about some compassion? Also you don't want to make this big. You don't want your wife, your extended family, or potential women you want to date, to know you had something to do with her.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (13 July 2010):
 BAD idea!
Don't try to get revenge...trust me it will kick you in the butt.
Instead get over her. Stop thinking about her and move on with your life.
The best thing you can do is move on and be happy!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Think about it? Would revenge take away all the pain she caused? NO! The fact of the matter is this: you are still in love with her, she hurt you and you want her to hurt just as much as you did. This woman has proven to you time and time again, that she isn't all that into you..in fact, you are more into her than anything. It's part of that thing call LOVE. Of course you could stay with her, but she is more likely to cheat or lie to you again and again and again...she knows how you feel about her and she is using it to her advantage. Also, think about how your wife must have felt....I am not saying you did anything wrong...but you certainly didn't seem to be in love with your ex-wife like you are with this other woman. Now you see how your ex-wife must have felt when she didn't want to get the divorce from you...she was in love with you and you were not in love with her.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 July 2010):
 You can put lipstick on a pig that does not make her a lady!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): You left your wife for this woman and destroyed your family, so you get what you get.The same way you lied to your wife and snuck around, this girl did the same to you. Payback is a bitch, ain't it? You need to accept that you made an ass of yourself and got played and get over trying to get revenge.You made your bed. No sympathy here.
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