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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my partner for 18months and we are due to marry next year. I love him loads and want to be with him, but I have recently bumped into an old friend who told me that he'd always had feelings for me. Now I can't stop thinking about him and thinking what could have been. I dont think I want to split up with my boyfriend, but how do I get the other guy out of my head?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Im the same, ive got a bf been together for 3 years, but theres this other guy i new from school who has recently moved back to where i lived. We always stayed in contact and i was always thinking about him then. But now hes moved back we have met up a few times, nothing has happened but i cant get him off my mind, its driving me insane! To make things worst hes said how he would like to be with me, and hes really protective of me, why cant i stop thinking about him, my head feels asif its being pickled! HELP
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): same problem. haven't been able to stop the thoughts for YEARS. although am not engaged, i feel your pain. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): I'm in a situation kind of like that. I'm engaged and I kissed my fiance BEST FRIEND since middle school. he is 23 now. I can't stop thinking of the best friend and how i want more then just that 5 second kiss but I love my fiance soo much. I wonder if an open relationship would work..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I have gone through the same myself, and am married now and still think about this other person, even though we never even kissed. I feel that strongly meet up for a meal and just see how things go. You arent married yet and are entitled to change your mind. Simply go with the intention of seeing if you do have feelings, and then u can be 100% when u are getting married. Good luck !
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A
female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (11 October 2005):
If you love your boyfriend and you're going to marry him then this other guy can't be as special as that. Just tell your self that he is the only one you truly love. There's always going to be times where we think that there's always someone better in our lives, don't beat your self up over it.
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (11 October 2005):
You have mentioned 'think' 3 times in your letter. This situation is very much about the mind. This guy has planted a seed of thought in your head which was not there before. You are allowing the seed to grow. You can water and feed the seed and it will grow into a beanstalk. Or you can starve the seed of water and food, and it will shrivel and die. The choice is yours.
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A
reader, Cambelina  +, writes (11 October 2005):
I really believe that intrinsically people really "want" to "want"! It makes us feel more alive in trying to achieve something just out of our reach, it's exciting, and more often than not, our feet can sometimes go to sleep when life is a little too "quiet" (shall we say?!). Would you be as likely to want to be with this other guy if you were single and ready to go into a relationship with him?
Equally, did this person know that you are due to be married? Would they have been more likely to share these feelings just because they know that it's not going to happen now?
It sounds as though you have a really good thing going for you and you should embrace that. Wondering what 'may' have been is something that can torment people to the brink of insanity! For you, wondering doesn't detract from the fact that you have someone you love who loves you back and a promising, secure future ahead of you. My suggestion would be to try and forget about this other man. Your fiancee wants your whole heart in the relationship, so give it your all and throw yourself into those wonderful wedding plans! Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (11 October 2005):
Hi,
I believe that you must STOP TRYING to stop thinking about this other guy. Its a bit like trying not to think about the colour blue! What you are feeling is OK! It's normal for us to wonder what would have been when we run in to an old flame. You must accept your feelings as natural and allow yourself to feel them, then you will find that the feeling fades away of its own accord. You don't need to tell your boyfriend. I believe in the saying "what you resist persists". You love your boyfriend so don't worry, remember the magic word is "ALLOW". Good luck at your wedding next year!
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A
male
reader, LucidCupid +, writes (11 October 2005):
It's perfectly natural to wonder about what could have been.We all do it when someone from our past that we liked alot comes back into our lives and admits they had feelings for us.It stems from our natural desire to be wanted,to feel needed.What you need to do is just take a moment and just gaze at your partner without him noticing and remind yourself why you first fell in love with him,what he's done to help keep the relationship alive for the past 18 months,what little quirks he has that make you adore him so much.This other guy had his chance.If he'd 'always' had feelings for you why did it take him so long to tell you?Sign of a commitment-phobe.If his feelings had really been that strong he would have let you know a long time ago,somehow.You seem sure that you don't want to split up with your boyfriend.It's only curiousity that keeps you thinking about this other guy,and that's a fickle emotion.As your wedding gets closer your thoughts about him should lessen.
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