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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex boyfriend (28) and I (20) have been on and off for the past 11 months. I was so depressed after the breakup, I lost 40lbs. He says its over and he'll never be with me, but every time I see him it's as if nothing ever happened, and when he wakes up it's like he snaps back to reality and goes back on his words. We broke up over something small that just blew up, he was scared. He felt humiliated by me and he is a person full of pride because of his reputation in our community. He feels like he has to prove something to people. I know he loves me a lot and he knows how good we are together and that's what kills me the most. We have tried everything to get over eachbother and it has literally ruined our lives, Knowing that we share the same feelings for each other. I can't seem to let go even though I have changed my number. How do you deal with a guy that has so much pride? Responses greatly appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): hi, i broke up with my boyfriend just iver 6 months ago and we nevr got on. we always aruged and was fighting this was all down to me catching him in bed with another girl she had been sleeping at his house 4 a couple of nights.
i did get back with him and things just got worse, to make it better i had his name tattooed on my back, i tryed to get over him but it did not work i kept going back to him and he would just use me and i would end up getting hurt again.
i went out one night met a lovely bloke and thinigs were looking up for me but i still could not forget my ex, not loong after me and my new fella got back together i got my ex's name covered over and i just sat there one night and spoke to my fella about my ex and what he was like and what he had done, it made me feel alot better to get it out and talk about it.
if you have some one close and can talk to do it just get all your feelings out about your ex and then just clear your head of him, you can do better and deserve better.
it worked for me try the same, go out and have a good night out!!!!
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (11 October 2005):
Hi,
Letting go is something that we do only when we want to. Someone is getting something out of hanging on. Ask yourself what are you getting. Is it hope that maybe someday you will work things out and you will be together? Ask what you think he is getting, could it be that he gets a kick knowing that he can have you when ever he wants you. You say that you lost so much weight over the break up but I am failing to see what break up you are talking about. It sounds as if there is still a relationship going on but it has changed to suit him. What ever this guy says it seems to me as if he is using you. Guys DO LIE to get what they want you know. I can't say let go because you don't really want to yet. FIRST LET GO OF THE HOPE! That will be the hardest. After that he will fall away from you like the leaves fall off the trees! Hope you find someone who loves you as much as you deserve to be loved. (Although frequently we find someone who loves us as much as we FEEL we deserve to be loved.)
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (11 October 2005):
 I think the only answer to this is to have the ability, which will require amazing strength I know, to let go.
He may have a lot of pride but it is no excuse for what he is doing; essentially using you. He shouldn't be doing that; if he loves you and wants you, he should be with you despite what happened before. His reputation in the community wouldn't be so good if people knew that he was messing with your emotions.
It seems to me that it is his reputation that is the most important to him. If you both wanted to be together, you could move away and start afresh.
Kick him into touch because I feel that despite what he may feel for you, he is simply using you knowing full well that he can't be with you properly. If you don't do this, you will spend the rest of your life being in the shadows waiting for him.
You are missing out on the opportunity of being with someone who respects you, loves you and wishes to show you off to everyone. Don't waste your life waiting for the man who tangles up your emotions like this and uses you for when it suits and probably in secret too.
Be really strong and I wish you luck.
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