A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:okay, this is embarrassing. About 2 weeks ago, I came home from a night out (yes, alcohol was involved). I fell asleep with my cordless "bullett" (a small vibrator) and have not been able to find it since. Is it possible that it is lost inside of me? It is only about 3 inches long, and not even an inch wide. I am afraid to go to my doctor, because how would I explain this, and where would I start?
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female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 Ere, you never guess what...I´ve just seen Elvis here in Gran Canaria and he´s selling ´3" cordless bullets´ out of a suitcase on the beach...LOL!!!! Ï might just invest in one or six.
See you guys in a couple of days.
ps. You won´t recognise me I´m so brown, even I don´t recognise me when I look in the mirror.
BigBrownSis
xXxXxXxXxXx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): ohhh
gosh
i have never heard something quite so funny in my life no offence or anything..i'm laughing so much. that songs is very funny. ermm i think you'd no if it was stuck inside you. did you have a bottle of wine with you, maybe you put it in the bottle thinking it was a cork?? seriously it is probz in your room.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 June 2008):
 no need - just say 'vibrator' in a phoney French accent - it's the same word : )
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I just pictured trying to buy a vibrator in Paris, using only sign language, as I have just about zero French language knowledge. What would THAT pantomime look like?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Without Bateries - VERY GOOD IDEA! Every flipping time I get overseas, there's a lovely little "Official" white card tucked inside my suitcase, telling me that they have once again, triumphed over the forces of evil by rummaging through my scanties and having a laugh about the colour of my latest "Neck Massager". I'm not kidding, every time! Must be the weird personal electronics! Next time, I'm buying some of those snakes that compress and fly out of the peanut can... Go on Customs Agent - Make My Day!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): You sure it's ok to carry it in "Checked baggage", you should check with the airport about "security, terrorism and how to carry dildo's before you go. There are a whole pile of rules now about what you can and cannot carry nowadays. I think you should carry it internally just to be sure. It wouldn't do for the security people to find your "weapon of mass destruction" and cart you off to jail.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, Everyone,Just to keep things going. Waz, no way that the dog ate it - he sleeps downstairs - besides, he would have poo'd it out by now, I hope. Oh, can you only imaging this - he's going to get neutered n 2 weeks (poor guy) and picture this. As the doctor is doing whatever it is she does, she feels a vibration in the pit of my doggies belly. No, it's not him growling, he's anesthetized! It's the darned bullet, coming back to haunt us all!And just so you all don't worry about me, I am heading to Paris for 8 days, leaving this Saturday. And since I am going sans man, I have purchased a new "friend" for the trip. But this one has a wire attached to a controller, so no chance of losing this one! And to andswer the question before it's even asked - no, I will not being carrying it through security, I will keep it in my checked baggage, without the batteries. That way there's no chance of it accidently being turned on and causing mass mahem throughout the entire Newark Airport. Have a fun week. You all make me laugh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): What do you mean it's finnished.... No!No!No!.... It's too soon. I wasn't ready...... Can't you just get a "2 inch magic bullet" and start the whole thing over again.By the way Waz, I'll take 3/1 on the dog eat it. It can't be over, it's still in the dog. You got to find it, it's still missing.... Oh no! It can't be over. I was having too much fun......
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (30 May 2008):
...and I have to agree with Birdie, you've been great, do come and join us, we need more happy souls around us. It's been a pleasure.
I just loved your quote:
"I got within 2 feet of the opening and felt my earring pulling (obviously not real gold!) and nothing else pulled from within me"
I'm so sorry you had to find out your earings weren't real gold.
xXx
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (30 May 2008):
Have to agree with BigSis here, you should definately just post a random question that you have always wanted to know the answer to, just to continue the fun, you seem like our kind of people! Enjoyed reading this thread and so happy to hear that you aren't having quadrupllets... ROFL!!! Hope we hear more from you around the site!
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (28 May 2008):
Oh bugger....does this have to end?
First of all I want to say how happy I am that it's not still in there or ever was.
If it ever shows up, can we have an "Embarassing Question, I Seem to Have Lost a Vibrator...The sequel" or even "The Return of....."?
Please don't let it end here, We've had loads of fun with this.
PLEASE COME BACK!!!!!
xXx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 May 2008):
Hahahaha! I'm glad this story had a happy ending. Now we can only speculate as to the new life the little 'bullet' is leading. Hope it's having a blast! Maybe there's a 'Finding Nemo' story in it?
Thank you VERY MUCH for the update; we were all entertained but at the same time wanted things to end up happily. No pun intended.
Hope we'll see you around the site, but not with any new embarassing questions, just with some wise and if appropriate, amusing answers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood morning everyone! Just a quick update:I called my friend, the MRI technologist and laughingly told her what happened, along with telling her about my crzy new friends, and all your theories. Once she stopped laughing hysterically, she drove over and picked me up to take me to the MRI Center. I told her I could drive myself. Hell, it's been up there going on 4 weeks now, I'm not disabled, just got a bullet lodged, no big deal! She picked me up and insisted on taking me straight to the MRI Center. Went in the MRI Room, walking very slowly, because the closer to the magnet you get, the stronger the field strength. I got within 2 feet of the opening and felt my earring pulling (obviously not real gold!) and nothing else pulled from within me, no projectile flying out of me. So then my friend proceeded to scan my pelvis. I was a nervous wreck that it would heat up and then fly out, but nope, nada, nothing in there. Phew! What a relief. My friend agrees that it probably got flushed down the loo.So now that my saga has ended, we will definitely have to entertain ourselves with someone else's issues. Thanks again for helping me!
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (26 May 2008):
Ooh I say... my bets are on 'She swallowed it, trying to give it head'....what are the odds on that Waz? Or can I bet on it being 'each way'?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): You'd better make sure you're pointing in the right direction when you get near that magnet!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (23 May 2008):
WE are crazy????!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): LOL... When I stop laughing, I'll tell you what I think about the MRI magnetic sucky thing.... LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for helping to see the humor in this. No, I still haven't gone to the doctor's. I know I should, but I really am embarrassed! I know, I know, get over it, but I have a better idea. A friend of mine is a MRI technologist. Since MRI is one huge magnet, and taking something magnetic in to the room will cause it to be sucked in to the magnet, I think I am going to pay her a visit next time she is working, and go in to the MRI room. Not too far that the stupid bullet flies out and shoots someone in the eye! But close enough that if it is in there, I will at least feel a tugging inside of me. I promise to keep you all posted, as I feel that you have become my closest confidants. Funny how we can share our most embarrassing issues with perfect strangers, but not with our own family, friends (well, I told one) and especially our doctors!You are all a bunch of crazies, but I feel so much better after talking to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): This poetry thing is catching (shame on you bigsis and I thought you were responsible)....
Please, please go to the doctor (WizardOfWaz we need to be sure) I fear for mine and this ladies sanity if we cant find it and are left for evermore with poetry about the legend of the missing "3" disappearing magic bullet and it's wonderfull crazy deeds." Take care of you babes....
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (21 May 2008):
Sofia, look on the bright side, imagine if it were you that lost little bunnykins up there....and whilst sitting your exams ~ the thing starts vibrating.
Now stop reading this column and get on with your revising, you bad girl!
Good luck my luv, by the way.
Mwah.
BigSis xXx
{Wonder if she's still looking for it, has anyone been watching 'Lost' by any chance? LOL!!!}
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (20 May 2008):
Toying with her dildo one night in her bed
Having fun whilst pissed out of her head
Woke up in the morning
Without any warning
Mislaid the bloody thing ~ so she said....
~*~*~
She wrote to Dear Cupid for advice
Said she lost her vibrating device
'The Waz' wrote a song
'Diovan' thought it wrong
And 'BigSis' encouraged to entice!
~*~*~
: )
xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Honey, your asking advice from a bunch of idiots.... Put yourself in the hands of the sane sensible adults at your local clinic and bring my misery to an end.....
"Where Did I Put The Bloody Batteries aka Show Me The Way To Arm A Dildo." - Bloody idiot. I'll get a dildo for you WizardofWaz and push it somewhere you'll never find it again, if I ever hear you sprouting poetry again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I think what you need here is a pair of stirrups attached to the ceiling above your bed, a couple of dessert spoons to use as a speculum / oversized tweezers, a mirror propped up at a suitable angle and one of those little torches held between your teeth.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (20 May 2008):
I'll tell you something, I laughed so much at Waz's 'Arm A Dildo' song, {whilst singing} that if I had one lost up there it would have shot out like a bat out of a twat!!
I can't believe you didn't check between the mattress and the headboard already.....and if the dust bunnies did find it ~ and you know how rabbits breed....you would now be over~run by millions of little bunnies vibrating all over your bedroom floor.
Waz...that was brilliant!
: )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): So sorry, I know your getting worried now. Next step the doctors to get it out. My thoughts are with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionstill not found! I stripped the bed - again - and checked inside the duvet cover, nada! I don't know where else to look, but I am going to try to move my bed, maybe it's between the headboard and the mattress, or something like that. Maybe the dustbunnies came and took it away!
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (19 May 2008):
Calling mislaid vibrator maid!...Come in please!
You found it yet?...Over!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Thank you so much for you post... You kept this board alive and kicking last night. It's not often I get to laugh out loud over the funny side of life..... You don't realise how much pleasure you've given to a lot of people. Again thanks for your post and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses. I feel so much better now! But I am going to take the advice of tearing apart my room and inside the duvet cover. (I have to ask, how did you know I actually have a duvet cover? I literraly just bought it a month or so ago ;-)
If I still can't find it, I will make a doc appointment, because, as Solver wrote, I definitely don't want battery acid leaking inside of me.
And to DiovanLestat - don't apologize for laughing. Believe me, I laughed to myself when I wrote it becuase it sounded so ridiculous.
And yes, BigSis, I did think about airport security. How in the world would I explain this one? Oh, sorry officer, I have an implanted device inside of me. OMG! I better find it before my next trip, which is just a few weeks away - heading to Paris!
I have only told one friend about it, and she keeps assuring me that there's no way it's still in there. And the fact that it can't get past the cervix should make me less nervous.
And no, I don't have a room-mate that would have found it or hid it, so that's one mystery solved.
I will definitely let you all know when and if I ever find it. Just goes to show - the wireless, compact toys are not always the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): There is no way that it can be still in there, so stop worrying, as the other aunts have said, have a big clear out of the bedroom, leave nothing unturned and if in doubt then go along to the doctors. Remember if you have done it, then someone else certainly has. so stop worrying and get it sorted today.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I've got it. Do just wait LonelyTwo says. You book in for a routine smear test. Don't say anything until the nurse finds the "bullett" and whips it out. Then all you got to do is take it, clean it off and say calmly "ahh that's where it is, I've been looking for that all over the place."
Sad ladies, but the guy (LonelyTwo) has given the best advice of all.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2008):
In the immortal words of Bruce Springsteen, "Someday we'll look back on this, and it will all seem funny."
I think it's probably lost in your sheets or your laundry or has rolled under the furniture somewhere. Do you have a roomate that could have taken it as a joke?
After two weeks, if it were up inside you, you'd probably be having some signs of infection or a discharge. Do as one of the previous posters suggested and get yourself relaxed and have a good look around inside with your fingers. I really don't think it's up there, though.
Maybe you threw it away when you toddled off to the bathroom and just don't remember?
Please, you've got a whole lot of interest in this question, please tell us what you find out.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 May 2008):
blimey, 3 inches long and you think you might have lost it in there??!! no way, I'd say. And you couldn't possibly have done anything like lose it up through the cervix and into the uterus, as that's all closed (and it would have hurt like nothing on earth, too! alcohol notwithstanding!). i think it's in your room somewhere, or someone's taken it for a joke.
but the ONLY way you can put yr mind at rest is to go to the doctor and have an internal exam. go to a female doctor - she will understand, and won't judge, i'm sure. and as someone else said, it's nowhere near as bad as some of the things people have lost!!!!!
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female
reader, Emzy1591 +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I agree with all the other aunts, i doubt its lost up there lol. Have a check on the floor area around your bed, if you have a wardrobe or bedside cabinet it might have rolled under there. Also have a check actually inside the duvet cover, You might have fallen asleep and rolled about and it might have been thrown about and might have slipped inside the duvet. It sounds silly but its a long shot! Hope you find it! if not then go to the doctor. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I knew this girl who was a nurse. She told me stories that makes your story pale in comparison. Such as, beer bottle inserted in the anus.
I'm sure you've tried to place your finger in there and haven't found anything. Before you go to the doctor, I suggest you do a complete job of cleaning your room; tear down everything and rebuild it. If you still don't find it, then set up a visit for the doctor. Also, if it has been two weeks, I would think you'd have some sort of infection in there by now. If you do go to the doctor for a papsmear(?), mention to him you lost a vibrator and ask if he could check.
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female
reader, :):):) +, writes (15 May 2008):
For a guess, you have just lost it elsewhere.
the average vaginal depth is 3 inches so you would definitly be able to feel it.
Have you had a period since? If it really was lodged up there you'd know when you were using a tampon.
Don't worry the most likely thing is,is that you had drunk too much and forgot where u put it.
Have a good look around, everywhere you can think off and Im sure it'll turn up in some unlikely place (not the place you're thinking of!)
If still in doubt go and see your doctor, they deal with crazy stuff everyday, dont worry!
Good luck
xxx
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Oh my word;) Sooo, you think its still there. I assume, being a female, you'd feel it. After a week or so, youd start cramping pretty badly. I say this because I, too, had a bad tampon experience. Was anyone in the room with you, or in the house with you that could have discovered you passed out with the tool in your hand, and decided to take it? If I were you, I'd invest in a bigger friend. I prefer glass. You know, to avoid this kind of situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Heeheeheee.... Swallowed it when you were giving it a blow job.... hahahaha.....I LOVE IT.....
Please put me out of my misery, get checked don't forget to write back and tell us if it's still in there....
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female
reader, ScottishStar +, writes (15 May 2008):
Being honest I think you would know if it was inside you. Make sure you have looked everywhere for it and if you really believe it could be inside you try visiting a specialist doctor who can tell you if it is inside you or not. I don't think it will be maybe you have misplaced it.
Hope I was a help.
x
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (15 May 2008):
2 weeks?! You cannot be serious!
I'm sure you would feel it if it was still inside you. {Maybe you tried to give it a blow job and swallowed it}.
On a more serious not, If you're certain you still have it up there, then call your doctor's and ask specifically to see a female doctor, you can't leave it in there.
Say you go thru' the security gates at an airport or an office block for example, and you set alarms off, how you gonna explain that?
Get yourself checked out immediately, or turn your room upside down. It's bound to turn up somewhere.
Please let us know if you find it...I will be watching this space......in eager anticipation!
Oh, and next time? Get a bigger one...with a sensor, that way it can be detected.
BigSis xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I'm really sorry and I know this is embarrassing for you... smile... but you must allow me to .... sorry... I just control myself...
Hahahahah...hahahahah...heeehe........ sorry.... (Dries tears rolling down cheeks) Now where were we.
It's a small vibrator right, I guess you'd still feel it if it was still inside you. Try getting it out whilst your in the bath, your vagina will be more relaxed.
Stuff embarrasment. If it's in there, it has to come out. Spent years avoiding sex, once because I thought I had lost a tampon and didn't want anyone to know. Still had to get examined by the doctor though.
Your old enough to use a vibrator, the doctor's seen everything before, trust me. He may laugh, I laughed, who cares. Go get yourself checked out.
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (15 May 2008):
Doctors deal with "lost" items all the time - especially tampons, so don't be embarrassed, you won't be the first one to ask him/her this. I think you should just make an appointment and go and see your Doctor. It will give you some peace of mind to find out.
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