A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other women’s marks on my man hurts it bothers me it holds me back Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 My husband had a girls name tattooed on his groin …. from his wild and wicked teen years, it was a home done tattoo.
I met the girl in question quite a few years after they were a couple, and all her family and one of my children became good friends with one of hers in high school. She was a really nice lady :-)
You might need to perhaps mature a bit before you consider serious relationship, and all that comes with them, including past girlfriends and boyfriends.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 The scratches are that deep? That's pretty odd and you seem pretty tormented by it.
What you need to realise is that it's all psychological. Everyone has a past of some sort. Especially a sexual past once you're past a certain age, realistically, that's almost always the case. With that being said, ones past is just that, the past. I know that it's easy to say but unless ones past affects his/her future i.e in the case of there being kids which a link to a previous partner and/or relationship then there isn't all that much cause for concern. It's something that you have to get over psychologically because it's a result of your brain wondering and wandering simultaneously which has now caused you to question perhaps yourself in the process and maybe you're also feeling self conscious but honestly, take comfort in the fact that he's with YOU now most probably because you have that 'something' that those other girls didn't have. That spark. That 'thing'. They left a few scars but you have a lasting impression on him that's worth way more. I don't think a few scars are worth jeopardizing an entire relationship over. If this is the only thing that really bothers you then I wouldn't let that ruin everything. You just have to learn to accept the past. Really accept it and make peace with it.
I hope I've helped you out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): I'm assuming you know as fact that other women gave him these scares. Does he hint that he wants to play rough? A little rough can be fun but might be a slippery slope with him.
I'd want to know the exact details how got these, have him name the women as Jane Does. Something too weird here. You guys should see professional help.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 November 2019):
 Really? Are you SURE that is what they are? As you are not even sure if this "branding" is from one or more females, my guess is you haven't asked him about them. Is it possible they are from something else, like an accident, or acne?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): I never met any females who leave scars on their mens' back. I must have missed something in my life.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 November 2019):
 I have never heard of someone having scars on their back like your boyfriend from an ex partner. TBH the whole thing is VERY strange. Are you sure that's how it really happened or is that what he told you happened? Geez...who on earth was he involved with? A she wolf???
As all the other aunts/uncles have stated, most people have a past and have baggage. If you can't handle what went on his past (Still really wondering about that) then let him go. Insecurity and jealousy will never hold a relationship together. You either have to accept what happened before you, or let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): Care to explain how you know for certain where all his battle-scars come from? What exactly is he into?
Most highly-active, athletic men, landscapers, and those who do hard-labor; will have quite a few scratches, or body-scars. If they all look like they were done by human nails; then he apparently likes it rough.
I guess you've bitten-off more than you can chew, my dear! If he's all clawed-up to the degree he's turning you off, just dump him. Case closed!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2019):
 Wow your poor BF!
If those scars are from women I feel rather sorry for him. Because that must have been beyond painful if they left THAT bad scarring that it's so obvious to you now.
My thing is this though, IF you can't HANDLE that he has a sexual past that didn't (for obvious reasons) include you, then don't date him. It's RIDICULOUS for you to demand he keeps a shirt on or the lights out during sex because YOU can't handle his past.
The World didn't BEGIN when you were born. Other people that you know well, will have MANY experiences that YOU are not included in, even a partner. And EVERYONE (even you) have had a past of some kind, sexually, emotionally etc. It's silly to think that HIM keeping his shirt on means that those experiences never happened.
You need to grow up, and have some CONFIDENCE in yourself and your relationship. SO what that some previous woman scratched him? (other that I find it a BIG BIT disgusting for someone to SCAR another person)
If you can't handle it, let him go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): Just be yourself, be confident in who you are, I has a friend and when I and other friends stayed at her house at weekends (many years ago) she used to bring men home and quite often screamed like a banshee having sex with them and with us sat downstairs. Personally I'm not fooled by all that, we were embarrassed for her, it just seemed fake.
He is happy with YOU he doesn't care about his past or he would be single and seeking that, he isnt and he cant change his scars, he is with you, his past is not important
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2019):
 Jeez, whom did he have sex with ? Wolverine ??!
How can anybody get actual *scars*, well visible even after years, even from the fieriest, wildest lover ??
Never seen or heard or known of anything similar. I am quite experienced sexually, my friends are too ( not bragging; simply stating a fact ) and yet - scars ?... nah. It's not a thing. ( Well, maybe if one is into extreme
S & M ... ; but you did not mention it , so I assumed we are talking about "regular " sex ).
Scratches, yes; that may happen, it happens often , actually. In the heat of the moment and all that. But, again, scratches or love bites or any sort of physical marks which are still there over one year after they were made ?... That's weird !
Strange post and strange question. My guess is that , either you did not explain yourself well ( or, if you prefer, we did not understand correctly what you meant to say ); or else your bf is telling you a lot of BS about the marks on his back. Maybe he is embarassed by the way he got them ( ex gang member ? ...got physically abused as a child ?... jealous ex went at him with a knife ?... who knows ). Or, those scratches are waaay more recent than he tells you ,and he got them AFTER he started dating you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 November 2019):
 I suppose that at 50ish it's a lot easier to say "hey, no relationship exists in a vacuum." When you have 30 years of sexual history, another person's past, or even future isn't all that important. But at 25, that can be a whole different equation.
Based on over 30 years of sexual experience my advice is that you turn the lights back on. This is an experience that you can learn something from. My hope is that tolerance is at least part of what you learn.
On a side note. I think actual back scars are pretty rare. Maybe a bunch of people will contradict me, but I've never seen any, made any, received any, or talked to anyone about theirs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): Are his ex's cats? Wolverines? I meant WTF.
Look you're very unlikely to meet someone who has no past. The older you get the more exs your partners will have. You have to learn to deal with your jealousy. If this is your first boyfriend then boyfriend no. 2 is gonna have to live with the fact that YOU have an ex. Leave the past in the past.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 November 2019):
 Break up with him then.
What’s he supposed to do? Get a skin graft?
We all have a past, even you. Should he leave you because you have slept with people in the past? Either deal with it or break up with him, he deserves better than a partner who’s half hearted in the relationship. It’s not his fault that you cant deal with his past and he doesn’t deserve the treatment to show it either.
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female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (6 November 2019):
 Bit like a tattoo of an ex I suppose however, it is what it is.. nothing much you can do about it. If you love this guy and your relationship you have to dig deep and move past this before you ruin a good thing. Im guessing, him not being the first sexual experience, have had your own. HE IS WITH YOU GIRL AND YOU WITH HIM. If you let his past interfere with your future, how long do you think you will have one? Let out that wild woman inside you and be your sexual self.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): Are you sure those are scratch marks? A lot of guys have stretch marks on their back, when their backs broaden during puberty but they can go lengthwise. I know for a fact. If they are purplish and indented and look a bit clotted like cellulite they are stretch marks.
Why don't you just ask him how he got those scars? I think it would be pretty crazy if a female actually scarred him and pretty unlikely.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 November 2019):
This is a bit hypocritical unless you had never been intimate with another person before him. It’s something you’re going to have to get over or move on.
Is this really about the marks? Find someone who went with girls that didn’t mark him like that. Or is it the thoughts of what he’s done with someone else? If you have issues with a partner having a sexual past at all, that’s going to be a more serious problem for you. You’ll have to learn to accept that the past is the past and what matters is what you both want from each other now.
I wish you all the very best.
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