| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: if you knew that you had treated someone very badly and they left you and changed their phone number, and they lived in a different country from you and so you asked a mutual friend to contact them by email and they more or less ignored that mutual friend and all you have now is their email address as a means of contact, would you be scared of contacting them by this in case they ignored or blocked you? As there is no other way to contact them. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 It's pretty clear that this person wishes never to be contacted by you. My advice is that you respect their wishes and move on. I understand that you would possibly like to right your wrongs however, it seems as though whatever you done, left a lasting impression on this person and they don't plan on forgetting about the ill-treatment any time soon. Be respectful and leave them alone. That's your best option.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 November 2019):
 I totally read your post wrong, I apologize.
Thought YOU were treated badly by him/her. If YOU were the one treating someone badly to a point where they CUT all contract then you NEED to respect their wishes to have NOTHING to do with you.
If you wish to apologize, do it through a 3rd person. the 3rd person can ASK the "recipient" if they WISH to receive a message from you or not. If they DO NOT, you respect that. If they do not answer, take it as a LEAVE HER/HIM alone.
If you just want to "talk" to the person, then, NO leave them alone.
Don't you think it's a little late for feeling bad about your behavior? If they have gone to the extreme of totally cutting you off?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2019):
 I would not be scared "in case " they ignored me . Because we are most scared by the unknown, the uncertain. In a case like yours, there's no uncertainty, as tough as it is , you KNOW, you can make a very safe bet , that this person will block you or ignore you. Since :
- you treated him badly, so :
- he left you
- he changed his number
- you had a mutual friend contact him, and he ignored this mutual friend.
Does it really sound to you like this person is keen to reconnect ??
99% your overtures would go down like a lead balloon. Wise up, and let him be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): I would respect their wishes and leave them alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): This person clearly does not want you to contact them. If you want to contact them to say sorry you have to realise that is not more important than their wish not to hear from you. You have to live with feeling sorry and not being able to tell them. Respect their boundaries or you're treating them badly again!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 November 2019):
 If you treated somebody so badly that they left and changed their phone number and ignore emails from mutual friends I think you should take the hint and leave them be. If there is a legal or health reason they should be contacted as a lawyer or medical professional to contact them with any news you have to impart.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 November 2019):
 Why do you want to contact them? What is so important that you feel the need? They have made it clear by their silence that they don't want to hear from you. I think you'd be wise to leave them alone. If you are looking for closure, please realize that sometimes you just don't get it when a relationship ends. I'd focus on now and the future...not the past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2019):
WHY on Earth WOULD you want to contact them?
It seems like that person is a PIECE OF SHIT that you should "bury" in the past.
What exactly do you HOPE will happen? Is it realistic?
Is it one of those, I will write him and e-mail and let him know all the things he did that hurt me so maybe he will feel bad and apologize? Because OP? THAT isn't going to happen.
He will LIKELY ignore you, because he knows you will fear that or he will inch into your life and suck you dry.
It would be a WASTE of time to have ANYTHING to do with a person like that. You aren't going to get "closure" from him either.
I think you need to reconsider your own motives for wanting contact.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 November 2019):
I wouldn’t be scared to send the email, but I would take the hint and not do it. They have ignored your mutual friend, so this person doesn’t want to hear from you. They have moved on. If you treated them badly, what else can you expect? Why do you want to open old wounds? Maybe they don’t want to hear your apology or feel that they owe you any closure. Forget about it. What’s done is done, so focus on your future and let them do the same.
I wish you all the very best.
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