A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm am recently married and very happily married, there are no problems, I have a lot of live for him and he's my best friend. However I have found my soul mate in a friend, and I never believed in soulmates before but our similarities and pasts are on such a connected level. I've not told him, and I don't know if he even feels the same. But I can't stop thinking about it and don't know how to settle my mind. I really can't hurt my husband, he's so lovely, but I can't deny how connected and drawn to this man I am. What do I do!! Please help, I can't talk to anyone about this and it's driving me insaine
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): Every married person can tell you that the first two years of a marriage are the most difficult ones if you pass them safely then your marriage can survive for a long long time. You are in that stage. Even if you are happily married you can still feel attraction to others but the diffrence is whether you act responsibly and stick to your vows or opt for the new temptation and ruin your marriage. It is up to you really.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 November 2019):
Why can’t you tell your husband about this man? Men and women can enjoy platonic friendships together. Most of my friends are women. We see each other alone, I’ve been to some of their houses and I’ve met many of their partners or husbands. IF I had a partner, I would introduce them to each other. Nothing wrong with that at all. If you can’t tell your husband because you don’t feel that he will allow you to enjoy this friendship, that’s a problem with his attitude. Why can’t he have the chance to get to know this guy too?
The alternative is that you actually feel in your heart of hearts that you are crossing some boundaries, or at least that you know that there is that potential. Are you thinking more about this guy than your husband? Are you telling him things before or instead of your husband? Are you getting feelings that you don’t fully understand?
In many ways, falling for a new friend feels a bit like finding a new romance. This person excites you. This person challenges you. This person is undiscovered and it’s fun to get under the skin of who they really are and learn more about them. This person probably idealises you as much as you do them. It can take a while for the flood of feelings to settle and to have a clear sense of what you want from this person and how you think of them. People kid themselves that it’s all fine so long as it doesn’t get sexual, but it isn’t. Being in a marriage or committed relationship means making time and space to cultivate emotional intimacy with that person as well. It needs the time to communicate and talk about things together. If you find that you resent time away from this friend, or always choose to spend time with him over your husband, you’re running into trouble.
I don’t know if this is what’s happening here, but I sense that you feel there is something about this friendship that you seem to need to hide from your husband and you have to find out what that is. The way to do that is to figure out what it would take for you to be comfortable with telling your husband about him. Maybe that means making the contact less frequent. Maybe that means sharing some of the things you entrust to this friend with your husband. Maybe that means being open with your new friend that your husband will be told about the friendship and him accepting clearly that your marriage comes first.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 November 2019):
 Congratulations on finding a linked spirit, soul mate, whatever you like to call it. Now explain to me why a grown woman believes this means you need to leave your husband, or what you had in mind? This isnt a Disney movie. You dont just get ONE person in life to love. Enjoy the friendship with your newfound soul mate (if he truly is one he will feel the same), and respect your marriage with your husband.
Unless you mean to tell us that you have fallen in love with your friend and wrongly mistake this for some deep connection. In which case, please know that human bodies do fall in love repeatedly, even if they are married, and it is not a sign of any higher purpose or meaning.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 November 2019):
 Being in a committed relationship does not make us blind to the attraction of others. Far from it. HOWEVER, what we CHOOSE to do about that attraction defines our morals.
If you love your husband as much as you say you do and if you want your marriage to work, you need to distance yourself from the male friend as you are directing energy from your marriage to this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): Fatherly advice- it is not cheating to have feelings. How rude of you.
OP- you need to decide what you really want. If this guy really is your soulmate then you need to end your marriage AND THEN talk to your friend. Because you can't talk to him to see if he's going to be there as a safety net. either your husband is the person you want to be with or he isn't.
additionally, be very certain that this is not an infatuation. if you want to stay with your husband you should end your friendship withi this other man or you will succumb to temptation and even the longing will destroy your relationship. But keep in mind that you may be experiencing an intense attraction. it doesn't mean it will last forever. you call him your soul mate. are you quite sure it's not just a crush you've blown out of proportion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): You must accept that you are married. So, if you want to keep close friendships with men , go ahead and divorce and fo as you want.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2019):
 You need to take some control over this situation and some PERSONAL responsibility.
You say you don't want to hurt your husband but YOU are, he just doesn't know it... yet.
You say you are recently married and happy, why lie? I simply don't believe that a happily married woman spends THAT much time with a male friend whom she starts to crush on and still consider herself happy.
Obviously, you WANT to BE with someone OTHER than your husband.
So YOU need to figure out WHAT you want.
Your husband and marriage... OR this other guy.
And yes, YOU CAN help yourself and YOU CAN cut all contact wit this guy as this is becoming INAPPROPRIATE for a married woman to do. You just CHOOSE to pretend that it's OK because he is your "soul-mate"...
Time to grow up. Make a choice and LIVE with that choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): As a married-person, temptation will always come knocking at our door. The test of your union is to stay content, happy, and thankful for the person you already love; and the one who loves you back. You know your husband is lovely, you know he loves you, and he's already your husband. If you fail the test, the devil moves-in; and starts tearing your life apart. Making you sneak-around like a thief, and lie to your husband. You become skanky, untrustworthy, and beneath yourself for cheating!
The purpose of weddings and exchanging vows is to take yourself off the market, seal the deal, and make it legit! It's not just a chance to dress-up like a princess; and have everybody gawk at you, while you're glowing for being the center of attention! GOT IT! All that money could have been used for something else! Not wasted just for you to be married a couple of years, and go chasing some knucklehead! Who probably read your old profile somewhere online, or talked to a mutual-acquaintance; and regurgitated info he looked-up on you, and just made your story his!
People post every move they make online; so strangers know you better than you know yourself!
Girlfriend...GET A GRIP!!!
Remember all those promises you made to him on your wedding-day? Remember all those words you exchanged in-front of God, a minister, or the person officiating your vows, and a whole bunch of witnesses! Don't turn all those words into lies! Go look at your wedding pictures. Look at his face while he's sleeping. You see that face, it's trust! He's comfortable enough to lie next to you, knowing you're there, and loving him! Loving you, and looking forward to being with you for a long long time!
There's no such thing as soul-mates! You just met a guy who turns you on; and you're gushing and all gaga about him! Imagine your husband meeting some gorgeous babe, with long flowing hair, a dazzling smile, a model-like physique, and a better personality than yours. Secretly, he's drooling over her; and thinking he should have waited! Maybe she should be where you are! Now visualize that! It could happen! Read your post! Only it's him writing it, instead of you!
Now get-over it! You're a married woman, and you're going to meet hundreds of wonderful men with lots of junk in-common. Half of what you've been told is a bunch of bologna he made-up; or stories told to match your own.
Don't you know there are players who are well-practiced at telling women what they need to hear, and can actually make-up stories you can relate to? They're really that good! They listen to you first, then contrive a story similar. You think it's coincidence, but it's a tacky skill! The work of a master-manipulator, on a mission for the devil himself! Full of charm, oozing with sensuality, and full of sh*t!!!
It's not driving you insane. Gimme a break! You're horny, being tempted, and the devil is testing your faithfulness to your husband! Just to see if he can mess it up and turn your love-nest into pile of briars, thistles, and nettles! Things are going fine, and nothing pleases evil more than to see something good turn to snot and mucus!
People get blessed with love. They go get all hot and bothered over some random dude or dudess; and throw it all away on some stupid-ass sex-fantasy. They try to make it innocent by claiming love or some uncontrollable magnetism has come over them! Naw, it's called "horny" in simple honest terms.
Oh bull manure!!! You CAN help yourself; because you promised your husband you would on your wedding day!
No more contact with that guy, and stop acting like some air-headed horny little high school-girl on prom-night! What's wrong with you?!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 November 2019):
 Usually it is best to go straight to your husband and tell him everything. You are obviously not the kind of person who can stay in a committed relationship and the sooner your husband figures this out the less he will be hurt.
Also you should fully disclose your situation to your "Soul mate" so that he can decide with open eyes if he wants to be in a relationship with such a feckless cheater.
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