A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've fancied this teacher at my school for 3 years, i've recently realised that I think i'm in love with him. Lately he's been making innuendo's that he may have feelings for me too.When i'm around him he constantly stares at me, and when I look at him he blushes and looks down to the ground or smiles at me softly before looking away. He's constantly grinning when he talks to me, never breaks the eye contact, and keeps the conversation lengthy and intellectual. With anybody else he makes the conversation as short as possible, and never smiles. We have a lot in common too, and he knows that.All my friends have confirmed that he's always watching me, and he's made comments about me to them when I'm not there. They asked him a question and he replied with "(my name) did what?!" Then went red when he realised they hadn't mentioned me.So my question is does he feel anything for me? and if so then is it wrong? I'm 16 years old, almost 17, and he's 35.Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): Alrite, well he probably luvs u, but don't try anything with him cuz if you really like him you won't jeprodize his career, and you wouldn't want todo that. Trust me. I know alot about teachers creeping on students, and I might even tell on my current creeper teacher.but this sounds like how my problem started. Currently it's getting worse and worse but I'm still not sure if I should tell.
A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (7 June 2009):
Wow, i think that comment (no offence meant) from kate is potentially one of the most naive and ridiculous ones i have ever heard. I will tell you gladly why it is considered wrong. Because unfortunately, perhaps in an ideal world interest means 'love'but i;m afraid that in reality 'interest' purely means attraction. Love is something else entirely. If a 50 year old man is attracted to a 12 year old girl and says 'he is in love with her' he wishes to provide for her to look after her, to keep her safe - these qualities are fatherlike; but also consider that this man may also wish to have have sex with her, molest her, possess and control her. And this 12 year old girl may believe that this is 'love', that this man cares for her welfare and 4 years later when she is 16 she will realize she has missed all those years of her life. She will understand that this man is corrupt, that he is broken in some way and is using her to aid and 'fix' that. An adult man does not 'love' a 12-15 year old girl, he wishes to possess, to control and to have sex with that girl. Do you think that 40 year old men should be able to have sex with 14 year old girls? This is entirely flawed and stupid logic and condones innappropriate behaviour and abusive sexuality; 'love' is the excuse that abusers use. Love is not sex, love is not possession. You can love someone and never take them for yourselves. You can love someone and match them up with someone else because you believe they would make them happier than you ever could. You can only truly love someone, when you accept than you can never possess them and they cannot be 'fixed' or manipulated or controlled. If you can watch someone fall in love with someone else and not interfere because you believe it would cause more bad than good, if you anonymously do something nice for someone - that is love.A relationship between two people should not be assumed 'love' but attraction. And yes attraction between a girl under 16 and an adult man or a girl under 18 and a teacher is wrong. Always will be wrong. Because under 18 they are a child and is too easy to influence the actions of a child and the future and beliefs of a child. Children are more easily manipulated than adults because of lack of life experience and thus making a relationship between a child and an adult dangerous for the child. A child can be influenced and manipulated into doing things that they do not want to do, or made to believe morally obscure things are acceptable. In later life a child/adult relationship can be entirely damaging to the child psychologically especially if there was any manipulation or abusive conditioning involved and can influence all future relationships. They are at a higher risk for mental disorders including depression and also child relationships with adults in the case of teachers; can alienate them from society, from friends and from their family which is also potentially damaging psychologically and can therefore make them more reliant on the adult. As well as this; if the relationship is with a teacher that teacher is in a position where he can blackmail the child into doing things they are not comfortable doing; i.e. whether it be emotional blackmail (insisting they deserve it, or whether they love them) or direct blackmail (if they don't do it they won't get the grade they want, or the help they need). Adult/child relationships can be incredibly harmful and often very unhealthy where the innocent fulfils a fantasy in the adult that does not directly involve the child and more involves an objectified vision of the child as a reinactment of a lost childhood love or a paedophillac complex. Often these adults have little social skills with adults but are highly manipulative and controlling, and lack empathy, they are incapable of relating to others or taking others perceptions and have very narrow childish views often very immature themselves and self-obsessed. Adults initiate relationships with children usually on the basis on mental disorders (such as paedophilia), lack of social awareness or understanding and need to control and dominate, and various obsessions or fixations they might have been displaced onto the individual. Potentially, adult/child relationships can lead to serious things such as rape, kidnap, inprisonment, deception to the point of oppressing rights, abusive/sexually abusive conditioning; and can lead to mental disturbances. This is why there are laws to protect children.
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A
female
reader, Kate. +, writes (14 July 2008):
Why is wrong every one says it is but why?
As long as 2 people love each other whats wrong age gaps, teacher pupil.
And yeah don't tell him while you are still at school.
But its sounds like my prob but think I just care to much.
But wait till you finish school.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I think that right now because you are at school it is completely wrong, but if you still feel the same way when you leave school you should tell your teacher how you feel. That is what I did and it turned out that my teacher was in love with me. We are still together and very much in love, he's 16 years older than me and we have a baby on the way..so you never know things might turn out the way you hope! But this is good advice, please do not say anything while you are still at school! If you love him you wouldn't want to hurt him and telling him right now would probably do just that! Just wait, you're still young and if he loves you back it will all be worth it.
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female
reader, Tevote  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Ok to person who said can you please explain are you a guy? Because If you are a girl I thought you might understand better. It's called emotions, and falling in love with your teacher isn't always what we plan it just happens. And we go along with it because they make us feel happy and they are mature, they are not idiots and annoying people like certain younger teenagers. If it hasn't happened to you then of course you wouldn't understand. To the person who posted the question well I think he may like you no it's not wrong, it's perfectly normal, so be happy. don't tell him anything and don't jump to any conclusions too soon, just wait and see a little longer. If he does like you don't start anything with him, if you really want to and so does he, make him wait until you leave school that way it's not against the law. Well hopefully my small advice helped you, good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): Can somebody please explain to me why so many teenage girls have the hots for their teacher, or think they are in love with him? Why are these young girls attracted to men who are so much older? I saw a post from one girl who was 16 or 18 and she said she fancies her 50-year-old teacher? What in the world is up?
How could such a young girl be sexually atracted to a man so much older? And why are so many of these girls in the United Kingdom? Most of the posts seem to be from girls in that country.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): omg the same thing is happing to me but i have no feelings for him and he looks scary plus i think he has feelings for me so i say yes i think he likes you to much for a student.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): well im also in a pretty similar situation, im 16 and ive liked a teacher for 2 years and recently hes all i can think about i feel like im in love with him-but i also have a feeling he likes me back. Im not planning to act on this feelings and trying to ignore it until i decide what i should do but it so often makes me question this whole topic, it is becoming so controversial but is it really wrong if the girl's 16/17, shes practically an adult and i think of teachers as mostly normal guys, therefore it's human nature to find the opposite sex atrractive, i think whether the teacher shows signs of acting on the feelings is a whole other issue-i get the feeling that maybe because of the fact he was so abrupt about his feelings(touching your leg)it may be a sign that he's not as great a guy as you think he is-it is really explicit and i dont think it's acceptable, that to me just screams the word "perve", do you c what i mean? anyway, i would tread very carefully with this guy and i wouldn't advise an affair but, maybe if when youre 17 you still cant control the feelings, just think about if you really wanna get yourself into this, bear in mind, hell lose his job for certain and worse if you get caught. However i think you seem mature enough to make your own decisions, i don't know what else to say......anyway take care x
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female
reader, Amy2007x +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hey this is like my teacher :/ whom i am very confused about right now :/ I dno if he likes you, have you got anything e;se you could possibly tell us?
Email me if u want and we can chat!
xx
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A
female
reader, nicole5178  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 To me, it sounds like he's your friend but maybe he's having romantic feelings for you that he's embarrassed about.
My teacher and I had the same type of thing going on. We'd always make each other laugh, and there were some really good deep conversations. We seemed like we'd have nothing in common, but we actually were more or less each other's other half. It was really easy to forget the age difference. Anyhow, a few years ago when I was 15 he put his hand on my leg one night when we were alone together. That crossed the line from joking around and flirting to coming on to a student. In your case, I don't think he's come on to you, but it has a potential of going there. The question you should ask yourself is "Would I mind if something more happened?", or "Does he do this with only me, or after I graduate, would he just find someone else to fill the void with?"
I knew a girl once who had a sexual affair with her teacher, and things between them were fine. It was a mutual break up, and they remained friends. I, on the other hand, decided to report my teacher (after watching him around some of the freshman girls at my high school, I just pictured him doing the same type of thing with all of them, and it just creeped me out), and thus far, he seems to be okay with it. What I'm saying is teachers know that relationships with students are wrong. They actually cover the topic at teacher training. If your teacher oversteps a line and makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to report it because, if he's as great as you think he is, he'll understand why you needed to say something to administration. If you're not uncomfortable, then follow your heart, but be prepared for things not to last forever.
...Hope that helps you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (30 January 2008):
 In my school we had the PE teachers coming out to girls at the prom, you know once school ended and they said some corny line like now its legal we can get together! as if they want to get with those perves anyway! In school days well one of the 'student' teachers came on to my freind [he was in his early 30's], she was one the youngest in the year. He actually snuck in her house. I hope my school haven't hired him to be a proper teacher instead of a stand in as my sister goes there now.
On your situation, personally I be put off if a teacher fancied me. He obviously has no respect for his job, he goes through all those years of education and risks to lose it for a stupid fling? Your 17, your old enough to realise he's too old! and its wrong he likes you in that way and is showing it.
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hi,
As an ex teacher myself who taught mainly at girls schools I am well aware of what this young girl is going on about. I don't know what it is but the number of girls who flirt is most alarming, but in a way it is too be expected, we are in a position of authority and we are not their fathers and most significantly we are becoming a rarity - most teachers are female these days. In my time I have had several young girls tell me they would like to lose their virginity to me and one girl even used to follow me home!
Personally I would never have picked any guy I went to teachers college with as a potential paedophile, but they do exist, having said that it amazes me how some of these teachers can go on for so long in this day and age without getting caught.
With any luck this bloke will be caught and have his arse hauled out of the education sector and thrown in jail where he belongs.
But these types of postings do nothing to encourage men to join the teaching profession, really who wants a young girl being obsessed with you - beware the jilted student - who needs that grief when you can earn twice as much outside the education sector.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 January 2008):
 I approved this question, was tempted to say its an asked often question but really thats why i approved it, whats going on these days? Everyone is 'in love' with their teacher or their teacher 'fancies' them? And 99% of the time, its girls talking about male teachers. Are there that many teachers hitting on their pupils or is it pupils lacking in attention from their fathers, looking up to an authoritive person and reading into things? Possibly similar to the patient fancying the doctor kind of thing?
Is it that common that teachers would go to uni and get a good career for themselves only to want to get with an underage pupil and risk their livlihood?
Its a tad alarming that in a nutshell there might be that many paedofiles about in our schools?
Sounds harsh but, thats what we are talking about here most of the time isnt it?
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 I am a teacher. This is not what you are going to want to hear...but leave this alone. I know that we are experiencing a shortage of guys going into teaching because of situations like this. They are paranoid of being pulled up on charges because of the idea that students have that they are interested in them. He is your teacher. He went to teacher college to instill knowledge...not have an affair with you. Let him find a thirty something lady with whom he has something in common and can share the mortgage payments and find someone who better suits you. I know I am being harsh here but I have seen the fallout from this too often.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Either way, this situation is bad news. You're underage and you don't even know whether or not he's interested in you. And even if he is, it will never amount to anything. Hope you get a good grade! good luck anyways!-Jmo
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