A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:My parents are devastated that I had a vasectomy years ago and that I don't want to have kids. But my question is...why do people accuse me of being selfish because of this? How is it selfish if someone doesn't want kids?My mum said this generation is selfish because a lot of people don't want to look after kids. Where is she coming from? What is she on about?I know that young people are quite selfish sometimes, but it sounds like she is trying to manipulate me into getting it reversed or considering some sort of IVF treatment if I ever meet a nice lady.Can someone enlighten me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): I think you are within your rights to chose what goes on in YOUR life. Not everyone wants kids and its better to be sure than to wish for your freedom after you have had children. I don't want kids either and my mom tells me that one day I will regret it if I don't have kids soon. People were different back then more conformed to what they felt they needed to be (A woman a housewife and a man non-emotional and always working. The thing is now things have changed a lot for the better, as long as it is what you want then be happy and don't let anyone tell you what to do.
A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (1 October 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question You are all very smart. And it is right that I exist to be Bruce Lee...Not a sperm donor.
I owe the world nothing and the world owes me nothing.
And that's the bottom line.
julifofulie is a bit of a legend. And the anonymous male answer was outstanding. People don't realise that us blokes have got enough problems to deal with without having to look after kids as well!
We don't need kids dumped on us when we've got other things to worry about.
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A
female
reader, juliefofulie  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 bruce lee, there are too many people in this world who have children when they don't really want them. So, I commend you on knowing who you are, and what you want, and not submitting to the pressure. You are not in this world to be a sperm donor. You are in this world to be bruce lee!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 October 2010):
 So you are not lending more mouths to feed in the evergrowing overpopulation problem. That's wonderful! And there are some families who want to have a zoo of kids (19 Kids and Counting?!?!)... so you are helping lower the average. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. There is something a little wrong about your parents getting too involved in your business. If you had kids just to please them, that would be pretty selfish of them to demand that of you. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Hey OP, glad to see I am not the only one. I too have never wanted kids, am 36 now and still don't want them. My last relationship (lasting 10 years but finished this tear) was with someone who didn't want kids either. However, she was 10 years older than me and I find it very hard to find single women my age who don't want kids, so I am expecting to be on my own until in my mid-40s when I can pair up with someone who has 'missed the boat'.
If only more people stopped to think about whether they REALLY wanted kids, rather than it's because what society wants, or their parents want, or what their partner wants but they don't, I think we'd all be better off. Too many people who shouldn't be having kids are having too many kids (often with several different fathers).
I don't think you are selfish at all, but I also find some people just think I am weird for not wanting them and that there is something wrong with me and that I haven't met the right woman yet and I will when I meet her. No, I won't. So stop going on about it.
Your parents want you to have kids for THEIR benefit and not yours. What could be more selfish than that? It is YOUR life to lead as YOU see fit. Sometimes being selfish simply means doing what's right for you and actually there is nothing wrong with that.
I just wish more women felt the same way, it gets lonely!!!
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female
reader, sinkorswim  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Not at all. I've never wanted kids and niether does my sister, mum and dad will just have to live with it, our choice!
A male friend of mine got married to a woman who always said she didn't want kids, he thought great! Next thing you know she's popped 2 out then told him he was having the snip. Now thats what I call selfish.
You've made the right decision for yourself forget what others think.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Your parents are wanting grandkids.... that is why they are unhappy with you.
I believe that you dont need to have kids just cos the neighbour has them!!
Remember, it is your life, your body, your choice and dont let anyone guilt you into doing what they want!
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (1 October 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is really going to sound awful, but I think it needs to be said...If I ever met a woman who I respected or loved and she BEGGED me to start a family with her, I would walk away. I would not speak to her again!
I have already lost friends because they have dropped hints that I should start a family one day. I haven't told them why but it is the main reason I avoid them.
They have kids and they can't comprehend that someone in their right mind would not want them. It's an awful topic to talk about but as Fatherly Advice said in another post, it is a decision best left to a couple to discuss. And no-one else should comment.
But we don't live in a world where people mind their own business. We live in a world where people want to know everything about everyone.
Am I wrong?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2010):
Rubbish. Selfish would be having kids and not looking after them properly. If you don't want kids, that's your choice. It doesn't' make you selfish. If you know kids aren't your thing, having that operation was actually the best thing you could have done. The last thing you need is a baby coming into the world that you just don't want.
To me, this sounds more like your mother pouting that she's not going to have grandkids. Take no notice whatsoever. You made the right decision for you, and that's the important thing here.
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (1 October 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, you're right. Maybe my mum is being selfish. My dad also brings the subject up sometimes and accuses me of being selfish.
Maybe I am a bit. We are all a little selfish, but they are being plenty selfish.
They need to take a look in the mirror. I made a decision years ago based on many reasons (some sensible and some silly). And everyone will have to live with it.
Thanks for your support Jmtmj and angleblueeyes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Selfish no. Unwilling to take on more than you are willing to bear. Yes. I feel the same way. Like the poster above said, if our society was different, I might consider having kids. When society start to play fair to the average Joe and Jane, I'll start playing fair too, and maybe reconsider adding to the population. Until then, better the next person than me. Raising kids properly in today's culture and society is a Herculean task. Our society pushes pregnancy, motherhood and family, but in every other way it does everything it possibly can to break down family values. Hypocrisy. There are plenty of child-free support forums on the internet, seek one out for support... the number of people unwilling to have kids today is growing...
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Sounds to me that your mum is the one being selfish in that she wants grand-kids, regardless of what you actually want.
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female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Hi,
Firstly I don't think you are selfish at all, responsible is what i would call it. I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting children some people just don't maybe if and when you meet the right lady things might be different, as for people nowadays not wanting to look after children i think it was different years ago when all the women stayed at home cooked,cleaned and raised childrenthats just how it was, nowadays woman have careers or like most families just can't afford for 1 parent to give up work.
Hope that helps a little, take care x
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