A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, Please can you advise!! I have recently split with a short term BF. I really really loved him, and am finding it very hard to get over him. He had to change his number, and when I asked he gave me the new one, also, I have been very foolish, as I still contact him now and then. He always responds, and sometimes we chat on the phone too, but in the last two weeks , it has been me initiating all the contact where as before he would too I am finding it very diffcult to break away from this situation, as I figure that if he did not want to talk to me at all, he would not have given me his new number right? and would not respond to me at all.? I am ok for a few days, then I usually give in and call him just to hear his voice which makes me feel better in the short term, but then I feel like i am back to square one. I cannot face the pain of the break up, and feel really really bad most days, take days of work, drink too much, and am generally listless, and unmotivated. I went out on a date with a new guy just recently, but spent the whole evening thinking about my ex. Please advise on how I can get through this. I am confused, as he still responds almost immediatley. He says he does not want commitment right now, and I think I was pressuring him for that, so I backed of, but we still split. Why does he respond? Should I wait it out and see if he comes back of his own accord? for How long? How can I get through the days? I am too down to go out, and take up new hobbies. I can hardly get dressed most days , let alone do anymore. It's really bad, and I cannot bear the thought of never seeing him again. Thanks xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all. Thank you so much for you kind answers. It was my ex who more or less broke it off, and recently, he has started to let me down. eg: Says he will pop over, then doesn;t but keeps responding. It's almost as if he needs some time.. I'm not sure, BUT yes, I will now sever all contact with him. It;s the only way forward , I know. I just feel sad, but am stil not sure this is the end. I will not , and cannot keep contacting him. I know. All of your answers have really helped me,- thank you and I shall read them on a daily basis to get me through this rather than lay around drinking and moping around. I cannot quite accept somehow that is it over, but accept it I must. I have to let go of him now. Thanks xxx
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Well you are only prolonging the pain even more darling by continuesly contacting him, once a relationship has broken up you need a gap from that to talking again as friends, you need to give yourself time away from this man and you need to lose contact completely until you are ready to talk to him as friends.
Firstly it is way to soon to be going out on other dates as this is just gunna remind you of your ex and you will end up feeling worse by the end of the date so for now dont date.
Secondly dont say you cant go out and do hobbies you can, you just need to find the willpower inside of you (believe me it is there), dont just laze around the house all day as feeling sorry for yourself aint gunna help its just gunna make it worse in the end up. So get up in the mornings and go to work, lay of the drink maybe go for a walk or a swim do things that make you feel good, call your friends and ask them around for a chat or a meal, let them be a shoulder for you to cry on if you need to, but soon you will start to smile and enjoy yourself again.
Thirdly when you do feel a bit happier whic believe me it will happen then you can start going out and about and chatting to new guys and going on dates, but you cant do this until you are 100% happy being independant.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): I read your question, and it is hard to be motivated when you feel as you do, have you considered visiting your doctor? I am going through the same at the moment so my thoughts are with you. This is more of an offer of support as opposed to advice. I cried for days then decided enough is enough, i deleted his number (very scary what if he never contacts me again?) but its the only way I will move on, i have finally booked golf lessons. Its taken me six weeks to feel slightly better, but i tell myself the worst is over. I promise you the tears wont last forever but you have to severe contact with him. Dont text him for two days then make it three if you cant just stop. Hope this helps?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Hi,
You haven't said who ended the relationship but if it was your ex, I'd say he is answering your calls out of guilt and because he feels sorry for you. Generally speaking, most guys are wimps when it comes to breaking off a relationship properly. He isn't doing you any favours by keeping in touch with you, he's just prolonging your pain.
As you said, you are the one initiating the contact and you are making yourself miserable by doing this. Please delete his number and cut any other contact with him. You need to do this for yourself. Do anything you can to distract yourself from thinking about your ex. Get out with your friends or family. Get a new hobbie. But above all, love yourself!
I had to go through this myself last year so I know it's hard at first but time does heal. The sooner you let him go, the sooner you will start to recover from this.
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