A
female
age
30-35,
*reamsauce
writes:Okay, so we all know the story - two bored friends with nothing better to do, so they have sex. No rules, just booty. I was attracted to him before we made this arrangement, but I told myself that I didn't want anything more from this guy. I lied.We spend a lot of time together. We go out to eat all the time. We go shopping, to the movies, and run errands together. He's a typical guy, the epitome of simplicity. And he's told me countless times, he doesn't want a relationship.I think he wants to stay monogamous, and he wants me to also. He always makes jokes about me dating 'other' people. He also makes jokes about 'how important he is to me'. He'll hold my gaze and smile a little longer than normal sometimes. He makes plans with me for the future. One month, two months, a year from now.We were getting too close at one point, and he pulled away. He kept his distance, and we weren't having sex. Then, he told me it was a personal problem, and he had too much to think about. The problem's solved now, so we're back to normal.I don't need a commitment from him, but I do want to know if he likes me. (without making it weird) We don't kiss, we don't cuddle. We both respect the other's boundaries, but we enjoy spending time together. My question is, do you think he likes me? In a more than friends with benefits sort of way? Any other advice would be appreciated.
View related questions:
friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, creamsauce +, writes (11 July 2009):
creamsauce is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, your insight is truly appreciated. =] He did mention that he wasn't against dating me, but the truth is, I really don't see us going past the whole FWB deal.
A
female
reader, msthang993 +, writes (11 July 2009):
It sounds like he may want something more with you but is scared. Very scared. Usually when men pull away like that, it's because they're getting too close. And some men are very afraid of getting their heart broken...regardless of what some may say. I would say if you feel this is right and you want to stick around to see where it takes you, then do it. But if it's too much for you emotionally or even him, and you feel that it's time to back off to save someone's feelings, then do that. Basically, it's like this. Trust your instincts and your gut feeling. Nine times out of ten we are right about what we're feeling, thinking and seeing. The other person may not own up to it, but that doesn't mean we were completely off the track. Sure there are times we're completely off base with some things. But with this, I think you're right.I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I met a guy at a party a few weeks ago. We have been talking and hanging out ever since. There isn't a day that goes by where we don't talk to each other. Sometimes for hours and hours and sometimes for a few minutes. But either way, it's an every day occurrence. He has been nothing but upfront with me since the beginning. He had just gotten out of a long term relationship and wasn't ready to get back into another one. Plus he's leaving in a few months for a year. And with me, I will be graduating this year, so that is what I'm focused on. Truth be told, as of right now I don't have the time to be in a relationship. I'm finishing up my internship and working as well as raising a three year old. So when this option came up, I was all for it...a non-complicated way of having our fun without the strings attached. He lives an hour away but always comes to my house and sometimes stays with me. I've seen him five times since we've started talking to each other, which hasn't been that long. He has not met my son, and he won't...just had to get that out of the way. But it has always been my understanding that when you have sex with someone...and it's just sex, you all do your business and once it's over, either roll over and go to sleep or leave. That wasn't the case the other night. He cuddled with me for a good while...and this was done after he told me he doesn't like to cuddle "AT ALL", were his exact words. But that's how we fell asleep the first time.It gets even more confusing because after the whole "getting to know each other" chats, we started talking about sex all the time. But recently the talks have been changing to more personal subjects. He always asks me how my day is, and how I'm doing. He asks how my son is and if I had any problems with anything. Just tonight he was concerned about something that had happened at home. but because he was out of town, he couldn't be here for me. To me, it seems like he wants a relationship, but doesn't want to start anything because he is leaving. And I had told him a while back that after graduation I planned on moving away from this area. I had made a comment about this ending after he leaves in a few months. And he seriously told me that we may be able to work something out. But it's not like he's going three hours away. Oh no, he's going to be at least 8 hrs away. Now to me, that means he wants more than just sex. But I could be wrong...as I have been many times in the past.He is a very attractive man and he can get any girl he wants. I know this because at the party where I met him, he was with another girl..haha that kind of makes him sound like a jerk. But he's not, I promise. They were seeing each other, but after the night he met me they had actually stopped seeing each other. Next thing I knew a week later he had asked my friend about me and then started texting me that night; and have been talking every day since then. So I understand what you mean. I don't know what to think of it either. Part of me thinks that he does want something with me, but because he was burned by his ex, he just wants to be single and enjoy his life. But at the same time, it seems like he wants more with me and this is a safe way of keeping me around until he finally decides what he really wants. In all honesty, i don't mind it at all. I'm all for it turning into something more...if that is what's supposed to happen. if not, I will have no problems moving on. Part of me wants to ask him, but the other big part is just going with the flow and seeing where it takes us. Stranger things have happened. So don't give up and don't stress over it. Just let it happen. Eventually someone will come around and everything will be out on the table. It usually happens that way in due time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): It sounds like he may want something more with you but is scared. Very scared. Usually when men pull away like that, it's because they're getting too close. And some men are very afraid of getting their heart broken...regardless of what some may say. I would say if you feel this is right and you want to stick around to see where it takes you, then do it. But if it's too much for you emotionally or even him, and you feel that it's time to back off to save someone's feelings, then do that. Basically, it's like this. Trust your instincts and your gut feeling. Nine times out of ten we are right about what we're feeling, thinking and seeing. The other person may not own up to it, but that doesn't mean we were completely off the track. Sure there are times we're completely off base with some things. But with this, I think you're right.I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I met a guy at a party a few weeks ago. We have been talking and hanging out ever since. There isn't a day that goes by where we don't talk to each other. Sometimes for hours and hours and sometimes for a few minutes. But either way, it's an every day occurrence. He has been nothing but upfront with me since the beginning. He had just gotten out of a long term relationship and wasn't ready to get back into another one. Plus he's leaving in a few months for a year. And with me, I will be graduating this year, so that is what I'm focused on. Truth be told, as of right now I don't have the time to be in a relationship. I'm finishing up my internship and working as well as raising a three year old. So when this option came up, I was all for it...a non-complicated way of having our fun without the strings attached. He lives an hour away but always comes to my house and sometimes stays with me. I've seen him five times since we've started talking to each other, which hasn't been that long. He has not met my son, and he won't...just had to get that out of the way. But it has always been my understanding that when you have sex with someone...and it's just sex, you all do your business and once it's over, either roll over and go to sleep or leave. That wasn't the case the other night. He cuddled with me for a good while...and this was done after he told me he doesn't like to cuddle "AT ALL", were his exact words. But that's how we fell asleep the first time.It gets even more confusing because after the whole "getting to know each other" chats, we started talking about sex all the time. But recently the talks have been changing to more personal subjects. He always asks me how my day is, and how I'm doing. He asks how my son is and if I had any problems with anything. Just tonight he was concerned about something that had happened at home. but because he was out of town, he couldn't be here for me. To me, it seems like he wants a relationship, but doesn't want to start anything because he is leaving. And I had told him a while back that after graduation I planned on moving away from this area. I had made a comment about this ending after he leaves in a few months. And he seriously told me that we may be able to work something out. But it's not like he's going three hours away. Oh no, he's going to be at least 8 hrs away. Now to me, that means he wants more than just sex. But I could be wrong...as I have been many times in the past.He is a very attractive man and he can get any girl he wants. I know this because at the party where I met him, he was with another girl..haha that kind of makes him sound like a jerk. But he's not, I promise. They were seeing each other, but after the night he met me they had actually stopped seeing each other. Next thing I knew a week later he had asked my friend about me and then started texting me that night; and have been talking every day since then. So I understand what you mean. I don't know what to think of it either. Part of me thinks that he does want something with me, but because he was burned by his ex, he just wants to be single and enjoy his life. But at the same time, it seems like he wants more with me and this is a safe way of keeping me around until he finally decides what he really wants. In all honesty, i don't mind it at all. I'm all for it turning into something more...if that is what's supposed to happen. if not, I will have no problems moving on. Part of me wants to ask him, but the other big part is just going with the flow and seeing where it takes us. Stranger things have happened. So don't give up and don't stress over it. Just let it happen. Eventually someone will come around and everything will be out on the table. It usually happens that way in due time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 If he hasn't pursued you in that manner and is still proclaiming that he isn't interested in a relationship my advise to you would be to keep your emotions out of it until he shows signs of letting his in. Just because you enjoy each others time and smile at one another doesn't mean he is ready to give you anything other than what you already have together. Chances are he will never be willing to go beyond the level of intimacy you are sharing now. if he was interested in doing so I think he would have done so by now. Perhaps going out on dates with others would give you a better perspective as you could see if that bothered him at all. If it doesn't than he is only ever going to be a friend with benefits. I know this from a personal experience. I was intimate with a guy for an ongoing period and didn't really know where we stood. Another guy asked me out and I wasn't sure what to do. I asked him what he thought about it. He said I should feel free to date whomever I liked as he wasn't ready for a relationship. That was the end of it for us. I didn't want to waste my time any longer. Best of Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 If he did like you more then he would surely say so and want to be with you as a girlfriend.....i think he sounds like hes happy having the friends with benefits....how long can this go on for? Id say nip it in the bud before you fall for this guy and end up getting hurt.....as with friends with benefits one of you always ends up getting hurt!
...............................
A
female
reader, Rachel O +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Well it sounds like to me that he does like you, he just wants to be single at the momment. Be patient and soon he might want to have a relationship.
x
...............................
A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (10 July 2009):
Yes, I just think he doesn't want to ruin your friendship, and if you tell him how you feel is a big deal but if that is what you truly feel in your heart follow it and if hes not the one so be it. This ya girl, peace.
...............................
|
