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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Does flirting with other guys equal cheating? I've got a bf but I tend to sometimes flirt with other guys, no touching, nothing, just teasing them. Is this wrong and does this mean I'm cheating in any way?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I think it comes down to your specific relationship. How secure are both of you? I think there are times very early in my relationships, that I would have been offended or hurt, but that's mainly because I wasn't secure in the relationship yet. Now that I've been married awhile, I almost think it would be fun to see my wife flirt a little, just to know she still feels a little playful, and gets revved up a little. But I want her to be with me forever. You have to know your own limits too though. I personally don't flirt, because I do not want to be on that sometimes slippery slope. Some of us have better traction than others on slippery slopes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I know how you feel i do the same!
I dont consider it as cheating, but i do not do it anymore anyway.
Doing this might offend your b/f he might feel like he is not good enough or you might hurt him in other ways and then he may want to do that right back at you and flirt with girls (if he finds out that is.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I had a friend who always done the same thing. She had a boyfriend and every time we'd go out she'd flirt with other boys, etc. I always told her men are going to get the wrong impression from you and she said it's fine! Well anyway one time a guy thought she was flirting because she was interested in him (which is of course normal of him, who wouldn't think the same) and he kissed her on the lips. Even though she pulled away as she had a boyfriend, someone in the club seen her and told her boyfriend! he dumped her right away.If you love your boyfriend, it's really not worth it. It's like playing with fire.
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female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Hey,
I think Irish49 makes some good distinctions between the implications of flirting when you're single or attached- very true!
'Cheating' in the loosest sense is simply not playing fair. -Would you be comfortable to act the same way when he's right there at your side? -And would he be okay with it? Would you be comfortable with him acting in the exact same way?
Something has sparked you to feel a need to ask this question- has your boyfriend expressed any issue with this, or have you just begun to worry about it yourself?
If he has only just expressed any issue with it, could it more an issue of who you are flirting with rather than how much you are flirting with them?
My gut feeling is that anything that you couldn't do with your partner there at your side, or would resent your partner for doing- is not playing fair and disrespects your relationship... If you love your boyfriend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Well, As I herd, it's like totally normal for women to flirt with other guys, despite she has a boyfriend. It makes her feel confident, and beautiful (if the man is responding to her flirt). But you have to have a line in this thing. You have to understand that you have a boyfriend and you don't want to hurt him (hope so), so don't do it in front of him and just... well you have to feel that line, between flirt and something more.
So be happy and flirt, and feel confident :)
(sorry my english :D )
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Well, how would you feel if your bf was flirting with other women? Would you feel threatened, hurt, insecure? Or would u view it as harmless fun? Personally, i know i wouldnt like my fiance to flirt with other women, hence i do not flirt with other guys. If you're ok with your bf doing it, then i guess he should be ok with you doing it. But be careful. Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): I think it depends on the person. The key is intent. WHY is a person flirting. If they are gregarious to begin with, it may not be a problem. My current GF flirts mildly...no winking or anything, but a lot of eye contact, smiling and I know she admires other men in our circles. She'll call some of them "honey" or "love ya" when hanging up th ephone if they are good friends. It is cool, but it did take some getting used to. My ex was the polar opposite, although she would point out men she thought were sexy.
I think it stifles normal expression in a relationship to expect ZERO flirting or attraction to others. it is not at all natural, and people who deliberately turn off any behaviour that could be remotely construed as flirtng, often wind up in very controlling, unsatisfying, unhappy relationships. But the key is intent. I don't flirt, simply because when I do, I mean business. I am not insecure enough to need ego boosts by playing games. If I want an ego boost like that, I make love to my partner. Sure, everyone like flattery, so do I. But it is not necessary to flirt to do so. People can admire you professionally, athletically, socially, whatever, without wanting anything romantic.
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male
reader, Major Stallard +, writes (12 August 2010):
Hiya I am new here,
Personally I believe that flirting isn't excatly cheating, but is deffinatley showing that you are interested, which in a term your bf/gf would gain hurt feelings throughout you doing this.
The reason for this is because they would feel that they are not good enough for you as you are flirting (showing you interested in someone different)with other people, and then jealousy starts, hatred begins etc etc. You see my point?
I never like to make my gf feel like I need someone else, why would I need someone else, why flirt when I can flirt with them??? Hope this helps.
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male
reader, lionelhutz  +, writes (12 August 2010):
I don't believe flirting equals cheating, but it definitely skirts a line that the person you are flirting with may take the wrong way.
How your boyfriend feels about it should also be strongly considered. If he is confident enough with your relationship that he doesn't care, then enjoy yourself. But if it bothers him in any way, then you should absolutely stop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): I strongly believe that when a single female flirts, she is signaling availability. However when an attached female in a relationship, is flirting with others, signals a huge lack of self-restraint. You are not powerless, you can make good choices so most defntely, there is a lot of harm in flirting with others if you have a bf. If you are making eye contact with a bunch of sexual innuendo tossed in (winking, teasing, etc) then you shouldn't be doing this because it's very disrespectful to your relationship and your bf and it's telling others a 'that you aren't an honorable person' in regards to being a person, who is trustworthy. So, please...stop disrespecting your bf and yourself. Relax and just be comfortable with who you are and don't worry if others aren't focused in on you. Get to know and sincerely like yourself...for you. If you truly believe you're a fun, good person to be around, who is intelligent, worth getting to know, you won't worry so much about NOT being the center of attention. Save all your sexy, hot flirting for your guy! And if you can't do this, consider consider going 'solo' for awhile because constant flirting with a bf in tow, means that you aren't mature enough, emotionally to have a serious relationship. So please, if you respect this bf, stop flirting, focus in on your man! Good luck and I wish you both well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Dirtball's last post hit the nail on the head. I want to add to that. A woman (or man) has no excuse if she was flirting with a guy and suddenly finds he's kissing her. That's cheating, even if it was for a second, even if she was caught off guard, even if it wasn't her intention, she put herself in that position and it's normal for the guy to make the move as that's how it's done.
I've had girlfriends in the past that thought it was okay if that happened as long as they stopped it because they didn't initiate nor did they want it, the fact remained though that they were the ones that initiated it by showing interest through, what they perceived as, harmless flirting.
Some of the boundaries I've asked my girlfriend to maintain are time limits, limits on personal details, levels of intimacy (including verbal) and absolutely no swapping of numbers are accepting invites to go somewhere alone.
My girlfriend is quite intelligent though, she knows that these guys all want to make a move, that's the only reason they're talking to her and she likes to feed off that. Most guys won't make a move in the first ten minutes, it takes just about that long for them to gain courage or gauge interest. The past 4 years I've been with her, she's liked to flirt and she knows the cues well by now, once a guy starts touching, she's gone. If he starts asking too many details of her private life, she's gone. If he asks her to go somewhere alone where they can talk, she's gone. When the guy starts making overt compliments, she's gone.
I just asked her there if she had anything to add, she says the most important thing to keep in your head at all times, if you're a girl that likes to flirt, is that you always have to keep the fact that these are ALL just waiting for their chance to make a move. That they're only talking to you to make that move and the biggest mistake most girls make is thinking 'wow this guy is really friendly and nice' he's a gentleman that won't try anything because he knows I have a boyfriend. She says those are the guys that will catch you out, because they're good at making girls feel secure before they pounce.
Haha direct quote "These men aren't people, they're predatory ego boosters. Let them fill you with their desire, then throw them away and go home and tear it up with your boyfriend"
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female
reader, Megeroonie +, writes (12 August 2010):
I'm not sure if this will help but my friends & even my boyfriend told me that anything you do with your boyfriend that you do with another guy is like cheating. but I don't think you're cheating, just be careful.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 August 2010):
 You shouldn't feel bothered, unless you're concerned about how your man feels. If you've discussed this kind of thing with him and know it doesn't bother him, then more power to you.
OP, given your followup, I'd say what you are doing is harmless.
As far as seeing if you "still got it..." I'd suggest you look at this thread from today: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/every-time-i-snoop-i-find-things-that.html
Again, what means one thing to one person, means something different to someone else. That's just the way of interpersonal relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): My boyfriend shares the exact same views as you, dirtball. Although, he is incredibly jealous with things as such. But yeah, it all depends on how the opposite sex feels in this matter.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Well, we haven't been discussing "harmless" in detail here, but left it up to the poster to judge that for herself. So I can't really tell what you see as "too much" or as "harmless" either. But when I mean harmless I mean harmless, as in it not being possible to interpret other ways. Like a little wink at the guy who makes you drinks on a night out. Or playfully teasing a friend or colleague. The line is also blurred when it comes to being friendly and being flirty. A smile and a laugh, telling jokes, could be seen as flirting as much as friendly, but something I would deem innocent.
But ya, nothing wrong with a little more flirting that than too, I think. Too bad for the guy who might think we are in bad relationships and need something on the side when it is not the case. To be honest, we don't really care much what random strangers might think. If they think we are single then.. well tough luck. I don't see why we should feel bothered unless we are putting ourselves at risk for being raped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK thanks guys. I don't go over board with it and almost all of these guys are OUR friends. And let me add that most of them start first and I just go along. They know for sure that I'm not interested in anything, just teasing and having some fun. Just to see if I still got it.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 August 2010):
Chigirl, most men can't tell the difference. All we see is interest. We may not always make a move, but we're left thinking a few things. If she's single, then we think she's interested in us and we'll often try something. If she's in a relationship, we'll think she's not happy in that relationship or she wouldn't be flirting with me, the person she really is interested in (I know, self centered, but that's how most guys are). If she tells us she loves her bf and doesn't plan on leaving him, then we tend to think she's looking for something on the side.
What's harmless flirting to girls is not interpreted that way by men because we know how other men think and how they likely interpret that flirting. While I don't think flirting is cheating, it is something that will likely hurt your bf because it will lead him to believe that he doesn't make you happy. Men think this way: "if I made her happy, she wouldn't need to seek this kind of attention from other men."
Like I said before, everyone is different. What bothers one person may mean nothing to another. I just know that men typically hate the idea of their gf flirting with other men. It is a direct shot to their "manhood" and isn't taken lightly. It really is dancing a dangerous line.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 August 2010):
Nopes, innocent harmless flirts are not cheating. They are completely acceptable as long as you don't push them too far. You should not let the guys you flirt with get the wrong idea though, even though you flirt a little, make sure they understand you are in a relationship, and don't flirt heavily, or with the wrong kind of men. Some men don't understand what is a flirt and innocent, and what is serious. You don't want to have men try to force kisses on you, thinking you wanted it.
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (12 August 2010):
Hi,
Some would say that its "Emotional Cheating". Why dont you spend the time constructively with yr BF rather than "other guys". If you love someone then you dont flirt with others.
I guess that there must be something missing in yr current reationship if you have to go outside to find that "affection"
Guess you need to ask yr self this Q..how would you feel if the tables were turned and you saw yr BF flirting with other women?..you will know the ans to yr q then....
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): It simply depends on your boyfriends views on the matter. I, personally do not agree with it and if I caught my boyfriend flirting with other girls I'd dump him straight away. It's still cheating in my eyes.
But yes, depends how he feels about it. Even though it's not physical, it's still on the line of cheating. As I don't know how serious you are with your boyfriend, it's not so bad if you've only been dating him a few weeks/months, etc. But if you're in a serious relationship and it's behind his back, then I think maybe you should stop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): It depends on how your boyfriend views it. If he's okay with it then it's not cheating.
Personally I don't mind my girlfriend flirting with other guys within certain boundaries of comfort which I've made clear to her. If she wants to flirt and get male attention then she's free to do so but she knows I wouldn't be comfortable with touching and she knows I wouldn't be comfortable with her leading guys on, letting them chat her up without making it clear she has a boyfriend and it's not going to go anywhere.
Look flirting and teasing is harmless, but if you don't make it clear to the guy that you're flirting with that you're already spoken for then there's a big risk you might be caught off guard some time and suddenly find that he's moved in for kiss and you couldn't stop him in time. I've seen it happen. Be careful to maintain certain boundaries as your boyfriend would be comfortable with.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 August 2010):
Cheating? No. But you are stepping onto a slippery slope and I highly suggest you tone it down if you want to keep your BF. People differ in their levels of jealousy, so he may not be bothered by it, or it may drive him absolutely nuts. My suggestion is to save that flirty stuff for your BF.
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female
reader, JennyBuckwell +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I don't believe that a little harmless flirting can be construed as cheating in any way. Everyone likes a little ego boost every now and then and to know that they still 'have it.' Just watch that the flirting remains harmless..
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