A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I became involved with a man about 3 years ago, who is married, though I didn't know it at the time. Once I found out I ended it immediately but I'm ashamed to admit I went back to him, as I had fallen hard.He said all the usual things, he wanted to be with me but didn't want to hurt his children, etc. The kicker is, I found out that this was not his first affair. It was one thing to overlook the affair thinking that he had truly fallen in love with me and was confused as to what to do, but something else entirely if he is just a serial cheater.I have finally ended it once and for all and part of me wants to tell his wife. I dont want to be spiteful, I really want him to be there for her and the kids more, but I worry if I don't tell her, he'll just move on the the next fling and it will continue.Thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): Please call his wife and tell her everything about your relationship with him. Give her all the details and let her know that you are moving on but you are telling her because you feel she deserves to know the truth abouther husband. She most likely has a hunch but you telling her would help her decide or accept life the way it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): You should tell her before she catches something... and the kids catch something. She should at least know what precautions to take if she chooses to stay with him. Also, it may be healthy for them to have a real discussion on their marriage. However, be warned, you will probably be the one who gets all of the blame... at least at first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Walk away. Try and keep hold of some dignity while you have some left. Would you know if your husband was a serial cheat? - I bet you would - there are hundreds of signs. What good is it to tell her? I think you'll only satisfy your own hurt because he lied to you (you weren't the first affair) and so you think she should know too. The very best thing you can do for yourself is to know absolutely that you won't get involved with Mr Married again. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Really, it's a health issue. In this day and age, she has the right to know if she's been exposed to diseases from any of his previous affairs. Tell her, even if it's just so that she can get tested.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 She would probably stay with him anyway.I did that same thing many years ago. She forgave him.I would quit while you're ahead and move on from him.He's not a good prospect for anyone, be glad you're out of it.C xxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 You went into the relationship knowing he was married. Bad girl. It's over now, good girl. I would almost bet that his wife already knows. If you confronted her it wouldn't matter anyways, because she probably won't ever leave him anyways. To exact revenge would be the only motivation you could possibly have. If people could only be less selfish and see the pain and suffering that extra marital affairs cause, I'm sure fewer people would do it. It's like running over a family with a car. It destroys the family. I'm sure you've learned something from this, chalk it up to experience and move on. It's time to find what you're really looking for in a relationship. You're one step ahead of the game, now you know what you don't want.
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A
female
reader, dollparts +, writes (29 July 2007):
 I think you should tell his wife its the nice thing to do, think about it, if that was your husband and you didn't know would you want to? put your self in her shoes, and I don't think anybody who does that, that many times will slow down any time soon for his kids and his wife, he's selfish. I would sugest that you tell her.
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A
female
reader, angel-kate +, writes (29 July 2007):
 remember that sayin.. the truth hurts!
his wife does need to know, esspecally because your not the first! but because he has childern its very hard to know if its the right thing to do, you dont want to ruin their life!
you should talk to him, and tell him that he sort out his life before he completely screws it up!
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