A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got to work this morning to find an email that I don't know what to do with, so I'm looking for some help here. It's from a girl who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me. I'll give you a little backstory.I work for a local bank. I used to manage a branch that is now closed. Since it closed, I moved into a different position and lost touch with many of my customers from my time as a manager. When I was managing, I opened an account for a woman who had her children along. Her little girl was 12 years old. It was pretty obvious that the little girl liked me, but it was easy to play off as her mom and others were always around so I could be sure that nobody would suspect me of doing anything improper, which I never would do.Well, I haven't seen either of them since the branch closed. Apparently, over the weekend, she stopped into one of our other branches and got my business card. She then sent me an email telling me what's going on in her life. Nothing in the email like a profession of love, but now I'm left wondering if I respond to it. On one hand, I don't want to be rude, and since there was nothing inappropriate on her end, I almost feel obligated to respond. Afterall, she's a customer too, and she's just checking in saying hi. On the other hand, she's 14 and I'm 30, and I'm concerned about how it may look if I respond. I'm afraid that even if I keep it simple, the fact that I responded at all could be interpreted in a way that would reflect negatively on me.How would you respond, if at all? Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): OP again,
I ran into her at a bank function. I just played dumb when she brought it up. I don't think she'll be sending another email. Just wanted to update everyone.
Thanks again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): OP Again: No idea how to verify myself but, oh well...
I would like to thank everyone again for sharing your thoughts on this. I personally was leaning toward TimmD's advice as well and rated it highly along with a couple of others.
I have decided not to respond. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to open that door. If I do hear from her again, I will likely use the spam filter excuse. It seems very plausible, and will likely not hurt her feelings. I don't want to be a jerk after all, but sadly this is very dangerous ground. Maybe I'm just over sensitive, but after seeing everyone's responses, I think my fears were justified.
Gabrielle, I couldn't agree with you more. It is truely sad that this is the way of the world these days. There was a time when this type of communication would be encouraged. Maybe I've seen too many Chris Hansen specials, I don't know, but I'd rather err on the side of caution. This came to my work email, so I want to be doubly careful.
Again, thank you everyone for your help!
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (3 August 2010):
 I suppose it's an unfortunate comment on the world we live in that we have come to place where receiving an apparently innocent e-mail from a girl under the age of consent automatically leads to panic to recipient. But it has, and we just have to deal with it, eh?
She's an account-holder with our bank. You HAVE to reply. Start with a 'Nice to hear from you" and proceed in your most professional language as you would to any customer to whom you wanted to, say, pitch a term deposit or something.
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A
female
reader, GettingInYourBizness +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Do NOT listen to that anonymous posters text about replying back and the chick being heart broken, that book is a pedo relationship book, it's the exact opposite of what you want to do.
I would follow TimmD's advice.
If she ever comes in, for whatever reason, banking, etc - lead her to the first available female bank employee to help her with all of her banking needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I agree mainly with TimmD here. REALLY good advice. And I completely disagree with the anon who had crushes. This is beyond some dude who stops in to see you at class. This is an older guy she met ONCE, yet has it so in her mind that there was some sort of connection between them that she WENT OUT OF HER WAY to contact him 2 years later. She's already started something in her mind, and this can RUIN your life if you let it continue to grow.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 August 2010):
You ARE intelligent enough, and mature enough, to NOT get sexually involved with an extremely underaged child, aren't you?
If this is the email address listed on your business card, then treat it as a business contact.
Thank her for looking you up, say a few words about your promotion/transfer, mention how you miss the old branch and the customers there. Encourage her to develop habits of thrift and financial responsibility - include a link to websites about your bank's products for minor children. I don't think it's improper to even offer to give a presentation about personal finance to her school/Scout/church/4-H group. (If she takes you up on the offer, make sure you bring along a female staff member.)
If this is some other email address - thank her for the message, politely respond to her, wish her well as she starts a new school year. Keep it general and somewhat impersonal. If she follows up, keep the same tone - on the 3rd or 4th time, politely tell her that you're busy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): DO NOT listen to the anonymous poster suggesting you respond "nicely". We live in a world where pedophiles groom their victims for months before moving in for the kill. You don't have to be overtly sexual for it to look like you would consider turning the relationship in that direction.
Either respond with the impersonal form letter suggested by TimmD, or don't respond at all.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (2 August 2010):
Please ignore A Reader annonymous, this is insane, you need to ignore this email. she is 13 yrs old and she is no longer your customer, in fact it was her mother that was your customer and this young girls behaviour is in appropriate.
If you responde you will be encoraging her further, she is 13 yrs old, no matter how old you are this is wrong on many levels and if you want to keep your job it would be better to just forget the email.
the last comment says they wanted to be someones Lolita, this is the story of a father that becomes obssed with his daughter and has a sexual relationship with her and never wants to let her go, again very wrong on many levels.
If for any strange reason she comes into the bank simply explain that either you never received her email (blame spam filters or something) or just say compay policy states you are not to respond to private emails.
Its not rude, it is simply the correct thing to do. she will very quickly become infatuated with someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): OP Here:
Thank you everyone for your feedback on this. I have not responded to the email at this point. I'm still on the fence though. I did want to clarify something for everyone since cocoqueen88 brought it up. She is indeed a customer. I met her while opening an account for her mother, but they have since opened accounts for the children as well.
However, her email had nothing to do with banking. If it did, I would have responded without a second thought, that's my job after all.
Also, just to be clear, I would never pursue anything with a child. NEVER. Period. I just don't really see answering an email as pursuit. I do see it as stepping onto a very slippery slope, and thus, my question here.
Thanks again everyone for your input.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I'm insane and childish to say it, but I completely disagree with almost EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE RESPONSES, sir.
I was twelve once. I was fourteen once. And I had quite the imagination and quite the crushes. I would fall absolutely and obsessively in love with people. And it was cute and innocent, truly.
If you do not respond, the poor darling girl is going to be completely heart-broken. Really.
Say something nice. Tell her what you've been up to. Ask her how her mother is. ANYTHING! Really. I feel for the girl!
Do not flirt. I'm not suggesting that. I'm suggesting you be nice back. Just be nice and sweet. Never suggest any interest in her in a romantic way and never say anything that would make her think like that.
When I was 13, I read "Lolita." Lemme tell you, I was obsessed with it. I still am. I had always wanted to be a "Lolita" to someone. That was my thing when I was younger. I'm 28 now. But truly, sir. I had a crush on a female teacher's son whom was 27 when I was 13-14 years old. I carried on the crush over the course of 2-3 years. We talked sometimes when he came in to bring her something. He always remembered my name and he was also a substitute. (So he'd sub sometimes for her class.) And he'd always especially tease me, remember my name, talk to me, etc. etc. And it made me feel all special. It was completely innocent. On the last day of school, he came in especially to sign my yearbook. It made my day--hell! It made my year! All he had to do was smile and remember my name, and I was happy.
Just try to understand. It'll break her heart if you don't respond. Please.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2010):
 NOPE I would not do it.
If you run into her mom, tell her.
She has no reason WHATSO ever to e-mail you. Customer or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I would not answer it, and if you have her mother's details, tell her.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I see your problem here because my first thought is it would be rude not to answer a simple email such as that but I think you know it could lead to all sorts of thoughts in her head very quickly. I wouldn't answer this one, if you ever see her and she mentions it just say you have never received anything from her. If this continues I reccomend contacting her mom so that she can deal with this and explain how it can really come back to hurt you. Even if they are friendly emails it would not be seen as that so I wouldn't risk your character because in the end she has nothing to lose but you do.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (2 August 2010):
 My first instinct is to suggest not answering it. Just ignore it. However, from a professional standpoint if you really feel you must, I would send a 100% professional reply. Make it along the lines of a form letter. Nothing personal. For example:
Dear Miss suchandsuch,
Thank you for your continued business, we here at (name of bank) wish you a great remainder to your summer and wish you luck on the upcoming school year. And once again, we are all here to help you with your banking needs.
End it with your full name and bank name. It sounds like it's probably just a typical crush, but unfortunately her imagination will carry it even further. Don't give her any ammo by using the word "I" as in "I hope you have a great summer.." or "I wish you the best...".
I know you just want to be nice but you have to be very careful here. One harmless email can turn into 15 personal emails and next thing you know you're having a conversation with a 14 year old girl. You don't need to take a chance. A simple, professional reply would keep your butt covered from a professional standpoint and with the parents if something ever came up. Depending on the hierarchy at the bank you could even forward it to a manager along with your reply just so someone else has it on file. It seems like overkill, but she already went as far as to get your email address.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): you dont respond at all. If it was a question about her banking then yeah shes a customer. This is just chatting to a 14 year old girl.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I wouldn't respond at all. it just sounds really weird to me that a child wants to keep in contact with some grown man that isn't related to her. and SHE isn't a customer... her PARENT is, so you aren't obligated to talk to her at all. leave this child alone or else you'll look like a creeper.
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A
male
reader, MAX D  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I can see your point that you dont want to be rude,but on the other hand it might be better to be safe than sorry and not to reply.If you do reply make a point of asking how her her parents and family are keeping, that way your reply is not solely directed at her. Hope this has been a help take care Max D.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Okay there, since she was your customers daughter before, and your a polite guy, I don't think its bad if you get to reply her. What I mean is that, at least you take an effort to reply something to her that will at least make her feel happy. You don't need to think too far. There should be no problem with it I think. Besides she's just still very young, nothing else other than that right?
So, give a reply makes both feel happy and that's worth much of it.
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A
female
reader, twinkletoes30 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I couldnt believe that i was reading. Tell me your joking. If you're serious, delete the email and never think of this girl again. Shes a child. Your an adult. You CANNOT respond to this mail - god knows what sort of trouble you will get into.
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