A
female
age
30-35,
*ah mouw
writes:This isn't really for advice, more for opinions.Is there anyone whose ever loved someone before or had feelings for someone, but there was sort of an obstacle to get to that person? Did you ever get to them? Was it worth it to risk the things you might lose in the process? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sweet Pickle  +, writes (16 August 2010):
Bah, I think everyone loves somebody they shouldn't at least once in their lives.
With me, however, it seems I grow infatuated with a person up to the point of obsession, i.e. remembering every little thing they have done or said, and literally like 2-3 months will pass and I will have grown out of it.
I think when I "love" someone I use the term quite loosely, I merely just "love" the idea of them, but not them themselves!
Trust me, this has gotten me into predicaments where they liked me back and then I decided I didn't like them anymore, I must be scared of commitment or something! :S
So to summarise, I will fall infatuated with someone I cannot have and the minute I could have them, I run for the hills!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I am in love with someone i can never have. When I say 'never' this is because of our culture and who we are and our barrier of our love for each other is our families. We date on and off but I know it is completely wrong what I am doing behind my families back so I have to end it, leaving him feeling like he has nothing to live for - which I cant stand, so I am still his friend and still care for him but when we meet as friends its like i fall in love with him all over again and its just impossible. When we were going out for eachother for a few months we talked about getting married and the things we would do and how many kids we would have, even with me knowing that it will not be accepted unless we both choose each other over our families, but how can one do this when it is the family that have stood by you from the start and have made you into the person you are today. But then again love is irrational and I cant say what the future holds for us two...even if we both believe we are destined together, for eachother.
I guess it depends on what it is that you will lose to get to the one you love and put your self in that situation and think if you do this, how will it come out...and will you be happy at the end of it or is it likely to face more drama? x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I had the same story. I met my first love again after 10 years. Before we were split by our families and then I got married. So we met after 10 years and once we saw each other we knew everything without words. But I couldnt split with my present husband, he is too good person and I love him as a close person. But since then, I could never forget my first love and every day i still think about him... It is very hard to live such a life. I am so happy for you! that you managed to go through such a difficult situation and you are now with the one you really love!.
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female
reader, July31 +, writes (26 July 2010):
Yep. I dated him in highschool for a year and a half. We split shortly after graduation. I was brokenhearted. Cried for two weeks, couldn't eat, etc. I was 18 he was 19. I ended up marrying someone else. But, I NEVER stopped loving the other guy. I was married 8 1/2 years and had a son. Via myspace I found my old highschool boyfriend. I wrote him to say hello and see how he had been for the past 10 years. We talked, discussed what happened in our relationship (I never knew why he stopped calling me). Turns out it was all over lack of communication. I met him for lunch (yes I was married but was only seeing him on a friendly term and only the one time). When I saw him though, I knew that there was no other man that I could ever love like I loved him. I did end my marriage (which my ex was a good guy and good dad, but we had our problems and I was unhappy most of our marriage, even still it took several months for me to decide to leave. I only get one chance at life and knew who I wanted to share it with). I began seeing my now husband. We dated nearly 3 years and got married 9 months ago. My ex and my husband get along fine. MÝ ex knew I wasn't happy with him and he holds no grudges. We amically are raising our 5 year old son together. While mŸ marriage is not perfect even with the man I always wanted, the difference is that I truly love him and that makes me want to stick it out through the good and the bad.
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (23 July 2010):
Hi,
My 1st Love from 30yrs ago recently got in touch via some strange circumstances. I had got over her 29 yrs ago but now am v confused.
Unfortunatly she married with kids...but appears unhappy. We met and hit if off again!!.We met for a drink which then led to a meal...I dont think either of us wanted the evening to end...the Chemisrty is STILL there on both sides.
She wants to meet again soon...not something that I had expected to hear.
Who knows what will happen...I cant do anything about it she's married!!
You can read about it if you check out my earlier post....would be grateful for advice!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Haha this is the story of my life! I have loved a guy and still in love with him for the past 6 years. Out of them 6 years we were together for a year and split 2 years ago. I just cannot get him out of my system. There were no obstacles in our path when we got together as such, but the relationship was very rocky and he ended up splitting with me. Even now I believe it was cos I loved him too much and he couldnt handle that. I moved on and had other relationshiops and now have a baby. But he is always in my mind and i havent met anyone who has made me feel the way I felt about him and I dont think I ever will. We are friends now and he has another girlfriend but deep down I know if he asked me to get back with him I would do it in an instant.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Oh yes! Though looking back it was definently more of a CRUSH or LUST, then real love.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I currently am experiencing this. I have very strong feelings for a close friend. We have lots of things in our way, and I've decided to distance myself, because the years of unrequited love have really gotten to me. I truely think that there is a level where it could work, and i might tell her how I feel someday, but I've decided to wait until one or more of the things in our way are gone. Likely, I'm stuck forever in the friend zone... Just thinking about this makes me very sad, so I'll just say good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): yep. Sometimes it feels like this feeling will not ever go away, I get dreams about him, think about him, it's driving me crazy. It's all about control, you cant want the impossible.
NightFairy
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I think many people experience this. When I was 14 I was deeply in love with a boy who was 18. The age was too great of an obstacle + he barely knew I existed. I never even gave it a shot, and after two years we didn't talk anymore and never hung in the same group, so even though I was still in love I didn't make a move. He was way out of my league.
Now I am battling an obstacle for my current relationship: distance. I hope it will work out and be worth the risk and the effort, but only time will tell. However, the love I have gained in the process has so far made it worth it.
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male
reader, xnickx +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Before sharing my story, i think everyone has someone in their life that they've had feelings for that the other wont reciprocate. It comes with territory, i guess.
and im actually sharing this because writing things down helps me solve my problems and as this is recent...
Since i was a sophomore, and she was a freshman, i liked this girl. she was quiet, yet smart, down to earth and owned horses (i have always had this insane thing for girls that rode horses. idk.)
Anyways, that year, we almost dated. almost as in we had dates set up, her best friend told me that she was crazy about me.
Of course, obstacle #1 turns out to be my best friend, who is, bluntly put, an asshole where he feels it wont hurt anything too much.
Im the type of person who doesnt really let my feelings out, so while he knew i liked her, he didnt know how much i liked her and assumed it was something that wouldnt bother me. The 3 of us had phys ed together that year, so anytime i was with her, he'd make sexual references etc. and within a week, she wouldnt even talk to me.
Now whats odd is usually i get over girls extremely fast, yet i found myself missing her for a long time, into my junior year, where i tried to start up communication again, but she was seeing someone.
Now i think what was really holding me back a lot was that i wasnt good friends with any of her good friends and so we never ran in the same circles and so we never really hit the friend stage, and as a result there was a lot of awkward moments.
but what also happened in my junior year was a new girl moved in, who became best friends with my crush, and one of my best friends, and decent friends with me giving me some kind of solid connection. Unfortunately, by the time this happened, i was 7 months into a relationship.
Funny thing was, this girl i liked, was the only other girl i thought about while i was dating my now ex, and im not a cheater either. Well, unfortunately, by the time i broke up with my ex, she found herself another boyfriend.
I ran into her saturday, with my 'connection', which got me thinking about her again. I didnt talk to her or anything, because shes quiet, and i dont like to be pushy. But this is 3 years later when i usually get over girls in a week.
Lo and behold, i log onto facebook this morning and the first thing that pops up is shes now single. So if anything is going to happen, its going to have to happen now because this being my senior year im heading off to college soon. So i dont know whats going to happen, but thats just my little story ;)
Will i ever get over her. Yes. I'll force myself to if i dont want to. I just have a hard time getting over 'what could have been'. And i think now, im going to do what ever it takes to avoid a what could have been moment, and i think it will be worth the risk.
Nick.
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female
reader, Anonny +, writes (14 July 2010):
Yes - I'm still loving someone I can't really have.
This was a guy who was in a relationship and had a child - he did split up with the mother of his child for a while - so there was a glimmer of hope - but she will always be around so I will never truly have him...It's quite sad in a way!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): I developed a HUGE crush, hell, obsession with a female coworker who was 13 years younger than me. I fell for her harder than anyone in my life, including my wife(!). It was, of course, mostly based on fantasy and a sort of self-imagery of what she'd be like, etc. Honestly, it was not so uch a sexual attraction as just an extreme adoration and admiration...althugh I did have some very erotic thoughts of her. The obstacles were, well, I am married, she was younger, and as I found out later, not at all interested in me like that. I made the mistake of confessing my crush to her and ruined a good friendship because I became the "creepy guy". It took me almost a year to get over it. I went through SEVERE pain and heartbreak. But it was worth revealing my crush, becuase not revealing it would have haunted me forever. Embarassment is only temporary. I also told my wife about it, and almost risked my marriage, but my wife was understanding because it was only an emotional affair. we worked through it, and it made our relationship stronger in some ways. I dont ever recommend it though. I guess it depends...is losing what you would lose worth being in love? Do you fully understand what you would lose? In my case I lost a bit of dignity, but the relief of knowing was worth it.
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