A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Saturday night I went out with some friends from work. After the bars, we went over to one of their houses for an after party. At about 4:35 I went to hang out with one of the guys alone. (No intention of sex, just wanted to make out).We were doing fine with the make-out only stuff until he leaned over me, rummaged around in his drawer, pulled something out and asked "you're on birth control, right?" Not even thinking, I said yes. He then proceeded to take off my pants and have sex with me. I couldn't process what was happening, but I knew I didn't want it. I cried the whole time but never told him to stop. When he was finished he laid down and wouldn't let me leave the room (he was quite a bit stronger than I am and I had been drinking so I wasn't in the right place to actually do much). I felt so dirty and honestly, still do. I don't know what this would be considered, but I don't know what to do. I told my roommate (who was at the house) and she wasn't much help. I'm just so confused and lost right now. Thinking about it still makes my stomach turn and makes me want to cry. Any advice?
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female
reader, wiccanrain +, writes (17 February 2010):
 if he was sober and you weren't you can argue rape as ur in no fit state to give a concious answer. but "pancakes rule" is right, it'll be hard to prove if u try.
anyway i suggest counciling, or if you'd just like to talk to someone who might understand more than some others, you can message me, i'm more than happy to listen. i've gone through something very similar to what you have, with a few differences.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
You never told him to stop, so the law will say that you consented. However, since this has had such an effect on you, the best thing you can do is seek counselling and make sure that you are safe in the future. You need to seek counselling so you can get all your feelings out.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Were you drinking?
If so, let me put it this way: No person is fit to enter in a contract when drunk, verbal, written or otherwise.
This means that he would have taken advantage of you when you were in no state to agree to anything.
The only way to say that it wasn't rape if he had absolutely no intention of having sex with you and was also drunk, which is a very difficult thing to prove seeing as people can lie.
Although this is the law in Ireland, it may not be the case in America, but I can't imagine it being very different.
good luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): If you were crying during then he should have stopped, but you did say that you were on birth control, go alone with him consensualy in a room x
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A
female
reader, heather016  +, writes (17 February 2010):
"I never actually told him to stop....."
it's not a rape. it's considered consensual.
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