A
female
age
41-50,
*atinflavor
writes:I have been dating this extremely nice thoughtful almost perfect guy, but I can't help to think that he might be gay. He is 32 years old, has never been married and has very little dating experience. He has some female mannerisms such as crossing his legs the way us ladies do, holds up his pinky finger when holding a drink or spoon, etc. He shaves his face every day, has an old fashioned haircut that he won't give up, wears high rise jeans with tucked in shirt all the time. He enjoys ballroom dancing and listens to cher and a lot of the female artists I listen to. Just recently, I noticed he shaved his legs and was really embarrased of me finding out, he told me he was just shaving over his knee to find an old scar and accidently shaved more than he needed to, so he ended up just shaving his entire leg and then proceeded to shave his other leg to even the problem out. I have a hard time making sense of his explanation, when I accidently over pluck my eyebrow the solution is to let it grow not completely shave the rest of it. I'm concerned I may be dating a gay guy.
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male
reader, Nanook +, writes (21 October 2008):
Being effeminate does not necessarily equate to gay. There are gay guys that are as macho as you might find anywhere.
Instead of worrying about gender preference, concern yourself with your relationship, the relationship between you and him.
The best person to ask about his preference is your boyfriend. Communications is central to any relationship, so you can look at your curiosity as a good opportunity to improve it.
The less judgmental you are, the easier it will be for him to be open and honest with you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Much of what you mentioned does not mean he's gay. I do share your point of view, however, about his shaving his legs. That's not something most of us do. And his explanation of his shaving his legs is the least-believable I have ever heard. Why would he want to find a scar? And then, unless he is as hairy as a carpet, I don't think his body hair would actually prevent him from finding that "elusive" scar.
However, don't rush to conclusions.
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A
female
reader, JustChillin +, writes (21 October 2008):
 The first question you need to ask yourself, is "do you enjoy going out with this guy"? Well if you do, then quit trying to "pick" him apart. As it seems you are being very judgemental of him, which could be a good indication that you two are not a good pair.
There are certainly plenty of heterosexual men out there that can have some feminine mannerisms at times, but this doesn't make them Gay. In respect to him shaving his legs, there are men that don't care for body hair, but just because a man shaves more than his face, it does not make them Gay.
I would say to you, if you are only focused on his flaws, you might just miss out on all the good qualities he has to offer as far as a man to date. Depending on how long you two have been dating, would certainly be a factor in what comfort level you have in asking him more about his upbringing. A lot of times when a man has more female tendancies than masculine tendancies, it could be that they were raised by a female only and didn't have ANY male influences in their upbringing.
If you feel that he not a good match for you afterall, I'd suggest that you do the polite thing and let him know that you feel that you two are not a good match. But please let him down easy, as it seems, he may be a sensitive type.
Best of luck to you. =))
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (21 October 2008):
 There's a range of possibilities here, up to and including gay. But there's a lot before you get that far.
My husband used to shave when he was swimming -- reduces friction.
Your guy may just like the feel of it, but still be into women. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions.
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