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Cheater Cheater!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2014)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My husband bought another woman clothing and jewelry for Christmas I found the receipt in his truck, I know he will deny it, should I ask him about it or leave it alone?

View related questions: christmas

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A female reader, Muscle and Sinew United States +, writes (14 January 2014):

Muscle and Sinew agony auntYea. I wouldn't leave it alone! If it were for another family member, I'm sure he would've mentioned it to you. Get ready for him to deny it. Think about...men don't go shopping for someone just because. My husband tries to avoid the mall or stores all that he can...so I'm sure that this sounds pretty fishy to me. Def talk to him about it. Any other things that would suggest that he can be having an affair? Don't be that woman who stands around...take control if the situation! Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2014):

Leave it alone? Are you kidding me?

If you know he bought and gave these gifts to another women, kick his sorry ass out of the house and get that scum out of your life. Don't be a dormat and allow him to get away with that.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 January 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntYeah you might want to be certain the stuff isn't for you or his mom though first then let it hit the fan.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (2 January 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI'm pretty sure as his WIFE you know who he would buy presents for and what he would buy - I know hubby and I talk over before or after gift purchases.

So you have a receipt, but not sure who they are for? So What I'd do would be to get an itemized print out of his cell phone bill - check who he calls the most after you (hopefully) if he has a FB - check and see if he has a second one. Yes, I would check the history, most people forget to delete it.

Dig and dig deep. Since Christmas is over and YOU didn't get clothes or shinies - it's obviously for someone else.

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A female reader, Brokenv Canada +, writes (2 January 2014):

Before you get the idea he is cheating....do you know for a fact he didn't buy the clothes for his sister, mother, niece or female cousin.

I would be doing a little investigating to find out more information.

Good Luck to you!

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (31 December 2013):

Caring Aunty A agony auntSo you are 100% CERTAIN these items were not intended for you!?

Avenge your hurt by taking him shopping with you for new clothing and jewellery using his credit card. If you have an idea as to where these items were bought you could visit those shops with him in toe? He’ll get the message!?

Happy Shopping :) – CAA

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (31 December 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWhen my now-ex wife found such a receipt by me... she dumped a dirty kitty-litter box over my head. To this day, I can't keep a cat in the house.....

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (31 December 2013):

YouWish agony auntAlthough you *could* confront him now, especially if the receipt shows that the clothes are in a different size than what you wear, if it were me, I'd do a quick check to dot my I's and cross my t's simply to rule out that he's being proactive and buying for me for Valentine's day/birthday and taking advantage of a Christmas sale.

Now would be the time to doublecheck texts, emails, Facebook,internet history, whereabouts, activating his phone GPS, the whole thing. in my opinion, when a spouse starts spending a lot of marriage money on someone else, that's probable cause. First thing to do is look at the receipt - do the last 4 digits of the credit card number match the one you know he has? And if you don't know the last 4 digits of his card number, YOU SHOULD! That's easy to find from a bank or credit card statement, online or paper.

If it were me, before confronting him, I'd go FORENSIC, because if he is buying jewelry and clothes for someone else, then there is a lot more money going out for this person. In my marriage, it wouldn't get past me because I keep the books, so he could be having a secret credit card or bank account to cover his tracks, and guess what?? In some states, if you divorce him, YOU'RE on the hook for half of the debt!

If you have money, hire a forensic accountant (the kind that works to find hidden assets) to do a check on his activities. If you know his SSN, which you should, you can run a credit report that lists all of the cards and outstanding open debt he has as well as bank account assets. You might want to run one on yourself as well to make sure he didn't impersonate you while opening up a card account.

THEN confront him, sit back as he tries to deny and lie, and then marinate him in his own words.

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A male reader, M Proops United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2013):

Unless he's a closet transvestite then this shouts cheater,cheater.Looks like another woman is supplying him with his oats.Show the receipts to someone you trust as back-up and proof in case he destroys them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2013):

you won't be able to leave it as is, you have the right to know, what does your gut tells you?

I think you should just confront him, if you trust him, you know him and you know it's a first time incident, talk to him, he deserves a 2nd chance. Talk to him maybe the receipt belongs to one of his buddies !! Good luck and all the best.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2013):

If I were you, I'd secretly contact a lawyer, get ready to divorce your husband, then serve him divorce papers with the receipt stapled to them, with a note saying "I know who you bought these for".

That should make the point rather nicely.

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A female reader, Lieutenant United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2013):

How do you know it was for another woman? He might have bought it for you or even if it was for another woman how do you know that it was not for a family member or just a platonic friend? I think you should ask, but not in a confrontational manner; so instead of "WHO THE FUCK DID YOU BUY THIS SHIT FOR!!!!", somthing along the lines of "I found this receipt in your truck babe, who did you buy it for?"

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