Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): You are not in the type of relationship you want to be in. You never will be if you are with him. The ball is in your court now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): he's cheating on you hun. dont let him or anyone treat you like that. he loves only himself. follow what everyone has told you to do. he called you a bad name but yet he is on dating sites. that is emotional abuse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): I agree with your sister. I also left my ex because I kept catching him going on dating sites. His reaction was also anger, lies, total avoidance and to throw allegations back at me. When you are in that position, it is time to say goodbye.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): If you are in a relationship with a man who is into cheating on dating sites, then it could eat away at your confidence and cause very low self esteem. I would advise you to get away from that narcissistic man. You could do far better than him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): Virus: A program on your computer that completely messes it up and disables its ability to work properly.
Dating Site: A place to go if you are unattractive or want to cheat on your partner or both.
They are two completely different things and not to be confused.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (11 November 2012):
Look how it will now look to him now. You caught him, he then gave you bull shit. You are still with him. He will now think he can walk all over you. He will think he can mistreat you again and again. I will repeat what Cerberus said to you "Pretty easy decision really isn't it? Granted it's not easy to execute, but it has to be done."
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female
reader, delightful84  +, writes (11 November 2012):
You do not know if he has met anyone off the dating site or whether he has had sex with them or not. He is not going to tell you. If I was you I would be angered and offended that I had been with someone who has no respect for you. He is a liar, you cannot believe liars and will never know what the truth is unless you see it for yourself. I would give this guy a big miss if I was you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): Going on a dating site alone is bad enough. To lie to you, make out you are stupid and then call you names is about as bad as it gets. Why would you even consider spending anymore of your valuable life with him?
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male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (10 November 2012):
Do not allow anyone to abuse you like that. Walk away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Dont ask him what it is he wants. You will not get a honest answer. He wants the comfort of a steady relationship and the secrecy of meeting people off dating sites. A better way of putting it is he wants to cheat on you.
Dont ask him why. You will not get a honest answer. If you want to know why he is on dating sites. Read above.
Listen very carefully to what your sister has told you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Oh I know that virus, it's called bullshititis it can happen in humans too, I used to get it particularly on monday mornings when I had school or work to go to. It's a nasty one and has no cure.
He lies, gets defensive, verbally abuses you and you've now had 20 internet strangers confirm what your sister already knew. Pretty easy decision really isn't it? Granted it's not easy to execute, but it has to be done.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (10 November 2012):
A virus? That must have been the most stupid excuse I've ever heard. Your sister is right. You should leave. He's insulting your intelligence if he expects you to buy this crap. Plus he's insulting you by calling you these degrading things.
Viruses aren't sophisticated enough to do such stuff, plus the makers of them have no reason to program them to do this in the first place.
If you have any sense of self worth and self respect you dump this guy right now. Throw out his stuff (hell, burn it if you like) and get rid of this douche.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Some people cheat, it is a fact. When you scout on a dating site it is deliberate. When caught, it cannot be said that they didnt mean anything to happen because they did, that is why they registered on it, and that is why he lied and turned aggressive and put blame on you. One good thing is this guy is a big time loser. He cannot even get anyone and that is what the dating site is about. He is not a compliment for you to be with. You could do way better than a loser who needs a dating site to be able to cheat on you.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (10 November 2012):
 This relationship is now more than likely over. I will explain why I think this. If you stay and try to make it work, he will then get the message he can do or say whatever he wants to you. He will probably get worse. He is a liar. You cannot and should not trust him anymore. A relationship will never work if there is no respect. He has shown how little (if any at all) he has got for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): what he was doing can be termed as abuse and that is even before calling you a slut. He will suck out all your self worth if you stick around. Leave him to it, because dating sites will probably be the best it will get for him. He is on them because he has to be, otherwise he would have cheated on you already. Also, registering on dating sites is as deliberate as it gets. Chin up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): He is bad news bears for you :( No boyfriend should call his woman a slut in that way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Somewhere_between can be rather 'too' straight to the point from some of his replies. Right now I agree he is bob on. If you stay with that bloke then you do deserve the rest which I bet anything, will follow.
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female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (10 November 2012):
 Oh dear. I have been here and I have seen this reaction. What followed was "I" was putting "him" through "mental abuse". I was making unusual allegations. I was so jealous that I was imagining things. I was at fault for not recognizing he had problems. While this rubbish went on in my ears so did his further internet dating. Believe me, it will get worse. Get out of it and find someone normal. It is not you, it is him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Normally when someone who is wrong gets caught, they get angry and try to blame it on you when they are not adult enough to take responsibility for their actions. Your sister is right. You should leave.
1. You don’t trust him (with good reason) and never will again. I can promise you this.
2. He called you a slut this is abuse
3. He LIED
4. He’s cheating (going on a dating site and lying about it is CHEATING)
5. He won’t’ talk about it.
What do you do to find out what he wants and why he went online to cheat on you? YOU DO NOTHING…. You don’t need to know WHY he did it since it’s not about YOU… it’s not anything YOU did wrong.. it’s a flaw in his personality that lying and cheating is acceptable to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): You have just tasted what is probably going to be the start of abusive behaviour. He is not good and will never care about what he is doing to you. Just go before you start to accept this unreasonable treatment.
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female
reader, thinkb4 +, writes (9 November 2012):
I would not waste another minute of your life with him. His behavior has been appalling.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2012):
Honey, I'm sorry to say this.. But you can "talk" to him about this til you are blue in the face and he will deny, lie and reflect til the cows come home and IF you decide to stay you will in time believe his crap and believe that you are IN FACT to be blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.
There are such things as getting SPAM invites to dating sites, they can pop up in your inbox, depending on what kind of e-mail provider you have. I used to have hotmail and I got a lot of dating and XXX spam. Needless to say when my account got hacked I deleted it and started a new account with a more secure e-mail provider and i haven't had any dating/XXX and so forth spam since.
ALSO IF he is joining these site he WILL get e-mails from them, It's a given.
But I don't believe for a second that there is a virus that makes his browser do dating site searches..
You sister is right. I would leave him before he makes you believe his BS.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): In 7 years my boyfriend has never called me a derogatory name or so much as raised his voice at me, and I am a hard woman to live with at times. Find someone who will treat you with respect. Lets raise the bar here ladies!
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (9 November 2012):
I think in your situation it would be better to get out asap. It is likely further emotional abuse and anguish will follow.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Calling you a slut and a stalker because HE'S the one cheating or wanting to cheat? This guy sounds volatile and like he has the potential to be emotionally or physically abusive. Get out before he starts to erode your self-esteem down.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 November 2012):
 There's something called the Law of Disproportionate Response in play here.
You discovered that he's been on dating sites, and when you questioned him, he calls you names like slut and stalker and threw it back in your face. AFTER his disgusting response, then he comes up with a bad lie about a virus.
Seriously, there's nothing whatsoever to think about here. You don't need to talk to him about it. You don't need to get to the bottom of it. His response to you is enough to drop him to the curb. Two years dating and his automatic response is to verbally bludgeon you as a defense, and THEN come up with a lie. He's not very smart.
Break up with him. Don't worry about why he deceived you. Don't try and get him to "open up". He did the emotional equivalent of punching you in the face. Any guy who did what this guy did to you need for you to never let him either touch you again or be in your life.
It becomes simple then. Leave him without any more conversation. He is cheating, and now he has grossly mistreated you and lied to your face. Think any computer store would find that a virus had him sign onto a bunch of dating sites? I doubt it. He got caught, and his response was to verbally bludgeon you.
Drop him coldly and quickly and find someone more worthy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): By claiming you yourself is not trustworthy is projecting guilt on to you. Everything he said was to take the heat off himself. He has been caught. I do not know why you are still with him.
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (9 November 2012):
 If he calls you a slut after doing all these things to you, he has no respect or love for you.
Dump him immediately. Don't waste a moment longer with this idiot.
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male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (9 November 2012):
 If you stay in that relationship, then you deserve all the crap he`s gonna throw at you. Believe me when I tell you, there will be a lot more of it to come. He`s a shit bag.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 November 2012):
 gah who cares WHY he's deceitful or interested in cheating, the point is he IS. I think is overly defensive (AND offensive!) way of dealing with you, calling you a slut and untrustable are also red flags. you deserve someone who doesn't degrade you when HE's messed up--well, you deserve someone who doesn't degrade you at all...!
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female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (9 November 2012):
Lashing out when challenged is a massive sign of guilt. His being on a dating website shows his intentions. I think you deserve someone who doesn't verbally abuse you
*hugs*
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