A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been married for 15 years, my husband never showered me with the love and affection I craved for. We have 3 beautiful children. I went away with the children and found out that he had an Escort in our house two days in a row. When I confronted him, he said that our relationship was over. I replied that was fine, but he should have had the decency to let me know that was how he felt. He then back-tracked and asked if there was anything that could be done to salvage our relationship. I felt so hurt, that he cold bring a Whore into my house, and have sex in my house with pictures all over the place. We have separated, but I still have to see him on a daily basis due to the children. I feel soo hurt, he has admited that he has only done it that time (although I just don't trust him), but is prepared to go counselling. I don;t know what to do....I do want to make this work, but does he have feelings for me, I really don't know what path to take. I have told him that I need time to think and he has to change and show me that he wants me for who I am, and not get back together for the sake fo the children. All suggestions welcome. xx
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female
reader, disappointedwoman  +, writes (29 August 2008):
I could go on and on, but I think the bottom line is, once they have been with a nubile young girl who pretends that he has given her the single greatest sexual experience of her life and who acts like everything he says is interesting and who is willing to do anything he wants...with a smile, then a normal woman cannot compete. They also start to crave the variety....they love the idea of being a player...even though they are having to pay for the sex. This is all about ego and power...not really about the sex. These guys aren't sorry and, I don't care what anybody says, they won't change. The sex addiction excuse is just that...because there is virtually no difference between the definition of a sex addict and the definition of a pathetic, selfish, horny pervert.
A
female
reader, aunty chrissie  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 i feel so sorry for you, well you cant turn the clock back and neither can he, so you either have to end it altogether or forgive and forget. thats the hard bit isnt it, because its not easy, love and hate are very close in a way. shame we cant control our feelings too, because i bet you love him to bits underneath and yet hate him at the same time. go together to a marriage guidance, it may help it may not, but theres the kids to think of too, dont make them live in a bad atmosphere, and remember if you decide to forgive it means you will never be able to throw it in his face. its a big thing to forgive i dont know if i could but lucky we arnt all the same. take your time and be sure, you must say to yourself you are worth more. good luck
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Oh how awfull for you, You will need alot of soul searching for this one sweetheart, He brought an escort into your home for two days..Oh my I just canot belive what you must be going through...You said your husband has never shown you much love and affection then you find this out, Hunny you caught him out I take it, or did he just admit this to you and his first reaction was its over. Then he is going out of his way to do anything to get you back...What if you had never found out? Do you think he would have reacted the same or just carried on as normal? DO YOU LOVE HIM? could you ever forget this had ever happened. And most of all the trust how could you ever trust him again..Sweetheart you have alot to think about, You could try counselling and see what he has to say and maybe finding out why he needed to do this in the first place will make your mind up for you..No one says that after counselling you have to go back to him..He has betrayed you in the worse way possible and my heart goes out to you love, If you do decide to go through with the counselling dont make any promises you are really going to have to think hard here are you better off on your own and content in the long run or can you forgive him for what he has done to you and move on from this? I can only wish you all the love and luck in the world and hope your stregnth gets you through love..Dont be walked over think of you and your happiness sweetheart and do what is best for you TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Yes of course, he should have the decency to tell you what was going on, and he should never have had sex with anyone, let alone a professional in your marital home. But you knew there were problems in your marriage, you felt them and nothing was resolved, you both avoided the problem.
Your probably feeling hurt, vengefull and totally disgusted by his behaviour. It'll be hard for you to forget and forgive. Hard, but not impossible.
Why did you marry him? Did you love him? Can you remember good times in your marriage? Are there still things you like about him, that make you feel proud to be with him? You both need to have a very grown up talk and find out what went wrong with your marriage. You may not like what he has to say, and you may feel that the fault is all his. But like I said, your marriage had already fallen apart before this happened.
If you want to try again, you both have to keep the lines of communication open, and be totally honest about what you want to do with your marriage. If love is there, and you both want to save the marriage, then you can. With hard work and a lot of communication, honesty and trust you can move beyond this and make your marriage something to be proud of. Talk to him, not to argue, but to find out just what you can do to repair the hurt that you have both caused each other.
I'm sorry he has treated you like this, and I'm hopping that this is just a symptom and not a reflection of the feelings he must have for you. (he's staying and he's sorry, so this must count for something)
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Sleeping with an escort is one thing, but to do it in your family home is disgraceful and disrespectful to both you and your children. Forgiving him for his infidelity is one thing, but to forget is another, for you will remember what he has done everyday you are at home, it will take a lot of courage and hard work to get over this....
Only you can decide if your marriage is worth saving and whether you love each other enough to put this behind you. He has broken your trust and will have to pull out all the stops to convince you that this will never happen again. You may want to think about moving as I would imagine your home will never feel quite the same again.
You could consider councelling it sometimes helps to speak to an unbiased third party and to put things in perspective with regard to your relationship.
You are no doubt incredibly hurt by all this, you don't say how you found out, but I can imagine the shock you felt when he admitted it.
You can only take things one day at a time and do not be rushed into making a decision, you need time to come to terms with what has happened and heal. Whatever you decide, to save or bail out of the situtation, your marriage will have changed forever and you will be starting afresh, with or without him.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (11 June 2008):
 If you do decide to stay it will not be easy especially as it happened in the marital home as it will really mess with your mind knowing he has had sex there with someone else. I dont think you can go forward or even try to forgive until you ask yourself some basic questions.
Do you love him?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
Is the marriage worth fighting for?
if you can answer yes then all you can do is try, take the counselling if it will help you. The hurt wont go away overnight and you have to rebuild the relationship and the trust all over again as you probably feel you no longer know him as the man you thought he was. I wish you luck x
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