A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Boyfriend and I are arguing.He did somethign that hurt me and all day I waited for flowers and an apology or both. When I finally received an e-mail from him it was nasty and threatening.I don't know how to respond to that. I feel I should show someone what he wrote but have no friends. I'm not close enough to anyone to share what he wrote.I'm beside myself and need help!
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male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (20 March 2008):
I agree with Devilish Angel. Here in the States, that could be something that needs to go to the police.
A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Lazyguy has given you some real good advice there Hon, and touched on some very interesting points. Take the advice, and while you're at it take Reds advice as well, and remember, you'd be well advised to hold on to that email too, in case it's needed at a later date.
You shouldn't, allow this man to treat to you like you're something he's scraped off his shoe, and also you should not - under any circumstaces allow him to manipulate you like that.
Don't wait for him throw your stuff out, go and ask him for it yourself, show him you are stronger than he thinks.
I realise this may hurt what we've all suggested, as you may love the guy, but he's proved to you that he's not worth loving, and that you are worth more than that.
Best wishes and the very best of luck to you. xXx
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (20 March 2008):
Honey get your stuff from his appartment and leave. You don't need to take that off of anyone. It sounds to me like he thinks that he can say and do whatever he likes, and if you dare to try to stop him (ie argue with him) this will be a regular response. And it will probably get worse. Unless you back down to his every command and say nothing when you traeted like rubbish.
I really hope that you cut all ties with this man and find yourself someone better.
No one deserves this
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Well, read the e-mail. At best, the guy is a control freak with an out of control ego. He really seems to think he can lay down the law on how you should approach him doesn't he?
At least he doesn't physically threathen you, yet. Archive this e-mail however in case things go out of control and you need a restraining order later. Never hurts to be cautious.
He seeks to control you and his ego is so inflated he thinks he can punish you by not speaking to you. That you should be at his command and if you behave he gives you some attention as you give a dog a biscuit. Actually that is insulting to dogs because biscuits are tasty.
I am 99% certain this guy needs to be out of your life. Why 1% uncertain? Well, you don't mention the issue or its severity. People can sometimes keep hammering on something that is trivial till the other person explodes.
Mind you even if the issue is "he farted in the bath" and you nagged him for months his reaction is WAAAAAY out of line. Well not the reaction itself, but the threaths and the way he expresses himself. It is just not acceptable.
If it is a more serious issue then it is even worse.
He says he is not a dog, but acts like you are one and expects you to obey his command OR ELSE your lord and master will withdraw his affection.
Surely you don't think this is right. Being alone is hard and I am not going to say weak stuff like there is a better man out there for you, although as long as you stay with Mr Wrong you will never find Mr Right, but this guy will make you only more miserable.
Have you considered doing volunteer work? It is an excellent way to get out there and feel usefull and meet new people all at the same time. Don't know the US but overhere they can never get enough volunteers for all kinds of tasks from helping the elderly to teaching assistents to office assistents. Many can be combined with a job, so don't let that stop you.
It may help to bolster your self-image so you don't need 'men' like this anymore.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Just trash it, hate mails or threatening mails.
Just ignore them and don't respond to them.
90% of them are just empty threats.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Hey,
Sounds like you're having a real hard time.
A threat is a threat. Get out now! He needs help that you can't give him. Once he gets it then maybe you can decide if you want to have a further relationship with him. Til then, run, don't walk, run away as fast as your legs will carry you!
I stayed too long too and ended up in the hospital after he tried to strangle me. It can happen to you too. It only takes a second to change your entire life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Copy of his e-mail to me:
I've talked about the issue of greetings with you:
In Yahoo Messenger,
While on the phone with you,
As well as with you in Nancy's Office,feel we have exasperated this issue to death.
.
This AM there was not one single person in the room that we talk to when I said hello to everyone. You logged in as it became time for me to leave for work, I gave you a fast hello, I had only minutes before then woke up and logged in, by that time it was time for me to leave. I said hello and you gave me that "pureplay excuse meeeeee" Bullshit ! , "my name" "now hear this" very loud and very clear.
I don't give a fuck what you think........ I'm not a dog on a leash that will obey your every whim or will. You seem to think by busting my balls about this issue every single chance you get that I'm suddenly going to have a change of heart. Well this time you've pressed me to far, and your dumb-assed voicemail expressing how nice you've been after I started something, has made me nothing less than even more angry.
Of all the things I know about me I know one thing more than anything...... I DONT HAVE ANY INTENTIONS EVER AGAIN OF STATRTING MY DAY WITH AN ARGUMENT. Therefore let this message serve to inform you I not longer will say anything more at any time than "Hi PSS" yes this is a definite punishment because you seem not to get the message I've tried to express to you, with and without Nancy's help. Therefore from this moment on that's the way I will address you until such time that I feel you deserve something more, Or you decide you've had enough of the embarrassment and self imposed torture dictated by me in accordance with your behavior.
I will no longer acknowledge you in the chat room at all before I go to work, as I don't wish to expose myself to the possibility of such nonsense at the start of my day
If you ever decide you are going to come to my apartment unannounced all I will say to you is you will not be allowed to enter If you choose to enter in spite of this email which I am saving I will present it to the police who I will notify that you are an unwanted visitor,
While your driving home I will be packing your belongs I will then drive to your home without notice and you will upon leaving for work the next day find everything you had here on your storage bin outside your door with the note Best Of Luck.
You have no idea how close I am to just saying fuck this I don't need it and cutting you out of my life entirely.
"my name" one way or another I'm telling you that you WILL NOT get your way, I am willing to say goodbye forever over the issue because I'm tired of trying to live up to your expectations of how the fuck I'm required to say hello to you in the chatroom.
I'm a grown man and I promise you the next time we argue over anything for any reason I will not have contact with you for the next 2 days.
Bear in mind if we argue on a Friday "Oh well!" I don't care. "my name" I hope your paying attention because of all the things you should have learned about me, you should have learned I DONT BLUFF.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): yupe...I had a boyfriend do that as well....Obviously you now know he is a piece of s*** and you need to get him out of your life fast. So don't wait until he pops off and does something so terrible or goes through with his email. Wish you luck!! Keep us posted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): If the email was to cause bodily harm, I'd call the police.
It sounds like you need to seperate yourself from this guy. Take a class at school in arts or something to help you get over him. He sounds dangerous.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I think you need to tell us what he wrote so that we can gauge how much of a threat he really is. If you really don't feel safe, go to the police. Better safe than sorry!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Hi,
why dont you tell us what he wrote. Otherwise it's a bit hard to offer advice.
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A
female
reader, shadowre  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 ye explain more! what kind of things did he say exactly?
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (20 March 2008):
Oh dear, I wanna to give you a hug. I'm not surprised your beside yourself. Especially as you were expecting flowers and an apology, and got that instead.
Why don't you e-mail him back, ask him what is was 'you' did to warrant such a nasty, threatening message from him, considering it was him that did something to hurt you in the first place.
You'll be surprised how well you can express your feelings in writing. Give it a go.
Perhaps it's immense guilt he is feeling, and doesn't know how to cover his tracks, so he's being nasty instead.
Without knowing what his message was to you, or what it was he did to hurt you, my guess is he has tried putting 'you' on a guilt trip.
My ex-husband was very clever in doing that to me. He would hurt me really bad, then twist things round and make it look like it was all my fault. To me that was mental torture.
I sincerely hope he comes round and it all gets sorted out.
I wish you all the best. Please give us an update when you're ready hon. xXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I think you have to tell us a little more of what he wrote. E mails are tricky..some are sent out in haste after one too many drinks.
If by threatining, you clearly mean physical threat that would break the law (ie physical harm to you), you need to take that very seriously. Police don't care much about allegations, but putting a threat in writing is a crime in most areas.
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