A
female
age
30-35,
*auraLee
writes:I am 19 years old now, and have met a guy I really like. He wants me to move in with him, and I am really looking forward to it. But I am really troubled about it to. Since living with my Mom at home, I have had the excuse not to do to much sex stuff when my boyfriend wanted to as I would say my Mom can always come home. That wasn’t the real reason though. I really want to do sex with my boyfriend, but the real reason is that when I was 15 and 16 I spent most friday nights being forced to suck an older, smelly fat bald guy’s penis. My boyfriend and I have recently started to go to the some of the Fetish clubs and Alt clubs and really like the scene of b/d and roleplayng. What I am concerned about is I am afraid if I get into some of these scenes with my boyfriend that it will bring back these scenes with this pig who made me suck him. I did something stupid getting into that situation, had some minor juvenile stuff on me, and one more problem I would have gone to juvenile for a while. This old guy played on my problems and said he would not report me if I did what he wanted for as long as he wanted. After awhile he even gave me money to which was stupid of me to accept. He was like a Master type old guy into being a dominant, and I would usually spend Friday nights in a room he built above his garage my hands and legs tied, and being made to suck his penis and swallow his disgusting cum. Anyway, I am wondering if I should tell my boyfriend of this, or just do it and see what happens. I am afraid if this makes me sick like it did with this pig, he will be pissed at me for moving in with him as this is his way of having us together to have fun with some sex.Cindy
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female
reader, bitch  +, writes (25 October 2009):
You need to report this man that sexually abused you to police. You were victimized. This is NOT your fault, and you should not allow this person to get away with what he did. What if he does this to another girl? You need to be brave and stop this man from doing this to somebody else. It is sick and awful.
A
male
reader, SexyMik  +, writes (24 October 2009):
Have no secrets and be totally honest and he will respect you for it. When you have told him he will respect you even more, and will allow you space and time plus this will add more pleasure and the act with him will be special and will blot out the act that is blighting your relationship. I am sure he will love you even more than he did before as what we men love is to protect a vulnerable person. I must admit I am a member of a similar club in the UK and my female partner who I take loves it. We all know that fetish clubs are great as they allow us to act out our fantacies. The interesting fact is that fantacy is more exciting than fact especially if it is reenacted with the person you love and repect, As you have practical experience of the reality then with your boyfriend the experience will be completely different, although at first you may have flashbacks, but if your bf knows then I am sure he will take this into consideration and will understand if you get upset. Reasure him it is not him and before long the situation will get better and you will enjoy it for the experience it is supposed to be.Be persistant and don't let the bad expeience ruin your new found social life, it may be hard but it will be well worth it in the end. Remember in the fetish clubs this is only acting and all these clubs have a strict rule where NO means NO if you do not feel cumfortable then you do not have to do anything at all.I hope that this has been some help to you.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (24 October 2009):
 I am so sorry you went through that.
I'm glad you are out of that situation now.
Whether or not you want to tell your boyfriend is up to you but at least let him know why you are uncomfortable giving oral. Tell him you had a bad experience a while ago and it still effects you.
If he understands then you have a great boyfriend who cares for you. If he doesn't then I would be careful.
Good Luck and keep me updated!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 October 2009):
 He had some things on you. Well, as soon as he said to suck him, guess who had what on who?
What happened to you has nothing to do with your boyfriend, who he is, and what you can do together. It has to do with the traumatic affect of what happened. Owning up to your mistakes and spending that time in juvi would not produce the long term trauma you're facing now.
What I want you to do, it come to terms with what happened, and realize that you are worthy to forgive yourself for making the choice you had made. It is also okay to release yourself from the pain this guy caused you. Just because your past sucked, doesn't mean you don't deserve to have a sexually satisfying relationship with your boyfriend.
Before you get into fetish or role playing. It's important for you to overcome this fear. Role playing and any sexual things you guys do it to please yourself and to please the other person. Instead of looking at this pleasure as a chore, or just something that he desires, start looking at it as something you desire as well. You want to please him. You want him to cum because that's your desire, not his forcing you to make him do so.
Remember the evil guy is no longer there. You don't have to fear him. It's time for you to begin enjoying and not denying yourself because of the fear someone else caused you. Remember, forgive yourself. You deserve it and are not at fault for what had happened.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (24 October 2009):
 Personally, I think you need to find a rape support center so you can talk about this to someone with much more experience.
But I will say one thing beyond that, you need to realize that your boyfriend is not this older,smelly fat bald guy. You shouldn't relate that guy to any guy that cares and loves you that doesn't force you into things.
You need to talk to a rape support center though, they may be able to help more than what most of us here can do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 October 2009):
First of all, well done for turning your life around. Next, don't be afraid to speak to your boyfriend about what has happened, so he understands why you don't want to do oral. If he's reallly a great guy, he will understand and listen to you. If he doesn't, then you know where you stand.
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