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Boyfriend thinks my breasts are too big, is he right to ask for a reduction?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2010) 17 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2010)
A age 41-50, * writes:

I'm going out with my boyfriend 10 months and everything going well except for in the bedroom. He prefers women with smaller breasts and I've become very conscious that my 32f breasts must be a turn off to him. I used to love having my breasts touched etc during sex but my previous boyfriends loved big breasts. He has suggested I get them reduced and hates it when men look at them. Should I break it off with him ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):

Rub them in his face and say last time your gonna see these babies! I have small ones, so i can never have the fun of saying these words.

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A female reader, cocoqueen88 United States +, writes (11 August 2010):

cocoqueen88 agony auntbreak it off. he's an a@#.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate them. I've decided to end it with him tonight.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):

if you want to get them reduced,then do, but don't just do it because he wants them, get them reduced if you don't like their shape or if they hurt your bback.

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A male reader, Cloverfield United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2010):

Cloverfield agony auntIm sorry, but thats just horrible, & reflects on him very badly indeed. Frankly, if he's prepared to say something which is obviously hurtful like that, then I wouldnt be making any long-term plans that involve him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (11 August 2010):

Honeypie agony auntIf you are fine with your breasts he should be too, be they small or big. It seems like he is being possessive and controlling... Red flags right there. Most guys would be proud that other men find his "mate" attractive.

SURGICALLY altering yourself for a man is jsut not a smart thing. What's next? Your nose? your belly?, thighs? butt?

I would tell him to go jump in a lake.

*hugs*

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A male reader, Booshfan1 United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2010):

Don't do it because he wants you to do it, if he doesn't like that about you well then that's just tough luck to him. You should be with someone that accepts you for who you are, not someone who wants to change you.

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A female reader, Dazed~Confused Canada +, writes (11 August 2010):

Dazed~Confused agony auntHi there,

I had a breast reduction when I was 20, and my breast were the same size as yours.

I had a breast reduction because I was unable to do things that I wanted to when it came to sports, etc. Ultimately the decision was my own.

Don't start changing yourself for a man. There will always be parts of your body that one man may like where another does not. Are you going to have surgery every time a man doesn't like something about you? I hope not.

Having had a breast reduction, I can tell you it is not an easy surgery to have. The pain, and recovery are pretty severe. In the end I am glad I did it, and that I did it for the right reason, specifically for me and no one else.

If you are happy with your breasts, then don't let a man, especially someone you have been with for only 10 months let that change. I wonder, would he consider surgery to change a part of himself that you did not like? I doubt it.

Best of luck

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A female reader, Lotsalove. United States +, writes (10 August 2010):

Lotsalove. agony auntYou'll get a breast reduction when he gets a dick enlargement. If your boyfriend can't accept your body as it is, then he doesnt deserve you at all. If he prefers women with smaller brests, then tell him to go find one. He may love you, but he doesnt love you 'the way you are', he's trying to sculpt you into his 'perfect looking woman'. Like you said, your ex boyfriend loved big breasts, so it shows, there are plenty of men out there who would LOVE and embrace your assets. I have 38F breasts, and my fiance cant get enough of them! He was so upset when they shrunk due to working out and losing weight.

If your boyfriend can't love you with your assets, then let someone else! Someone who will make you feel proud to have them!!

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A female reader, Fefi Venezuela +, writes (10 August 2010):

Fefi agony auntHe's right, it's your body and your choice; if he truly loved you [and im not saying that he doesn't], he would love your body the way it is. Lets say you had your reduction, and in the future you break up [not saying that will happen], wont you regret it? That's like telling him to 'shorten his ****, its too long'. Its' unfair and it's not his problem to solve, its yours, and that is to tell him to live with it or live with no-one...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

The only reason he wants you to get a reduction is so other men do not look at you. This is his problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

It's your body, you do what you like don't let your boyfriend's opinion bring you down or convince you that you have to get cosmetic surgery.

Don't break things off if this is the only problem you two have. However if he makes things worse by telling you again and again about your breasts, tell him how you feel and tell him to sort out his jealousy if he doesn't like men looking at you. Be thankful for what you have, woman would kill to have bigger breasts plus be comfortable with who you are. Fuller busts are more feminine :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Sweetheart, don't ever let a man tell u your bit good enough exactly as you are. Ring or no ring, it makes no difference, he has no right. If he has a problem with your breasts I personally wouldn't let him near them. Tell him he needs to find a woman who fits his ideals and leave you to find a man who appreciates every part of you. Believe me, there are plenty out there that will.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

I don't think he has any right to ask this.

Even if you were married I would think it was unreasonable, but at least in that case you would be in a committed relationship. You've only been together for ten months, in fact, the more I think about it, the more annoyed it makes me.

If you are 32f then you clearly have a small frame and do not sound overweight. The most important thing is....are YOU happy with them? If you are, then he can take a running jump in my opinion. I am sure that this guy is not 100% anatomically perfect, but I am sure you still find him attractive. My fiance isn't perfect but I think he is gorgeous because sex and attraction isn't all about looks. And I think he is being very unfair, selfish and presumptious asking for a reduction. Your breasts are part of you and he should like you as you are, especially bearing in mind that you haven't been together very long.

You could ask him to get something cosmetically changed that you don't like and see what he says.

I don't know if you want to break up with him but I think you should tell him how selfish he is being. If, however, he doesn't want a sexual relationship because of the size of your breasts then yes, do break it off. Find someone who will be lucky enough to enjoy your figure as you are.

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (10 August 2010):

Honest Answer agony auntUntil he puts a ring on your finger, he really doesn't have a say in the mater. And even if he did, its still up to you.

The more I think about it, he seems really shallow. I would be willing to bet that there are pleanty of men out there that would love you for you.

Good Luck!

Jeff

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Don't do ANYTHING you don't want to do. I think maybe you should meet someone who likes/loves you for you.

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A male reader, tonik South Africa +, writes (10 August 2010):

tonik agony auntWho is he to judge you? His love for you should be unconditional and nevertheless he should love you for you, please try to talk with him, how would he feel if you said he should go and increase his penis size because you're not feeling him. He shouldn't be selfish, he should care about your emotions.

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