A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am in an odd situation... I've been with my boyfriend since high school and we have a great relationship we don't have many big fights. We are both second year university students now and he and I have been talking about the possibility of engagement/marriage sometime in the next few years (after we graduate).But then about a week ago he sat me down and told me that he wanted to take a break and see what it was like to be single for a while. He said that he was going to take a few months for himself to "experience youth"... he said he would still call me to chat once in a while but that otherwise we would not interact really. I was very hurt. I cried a LOT... I want to cry now just thinking of it. He said he wanted me to still be there for him when he "decided that he was satisfied" and that we would go ahead and get engaged soon if I would just "bear with him". Since that conversation he hasn't called me or anything but I have heard through mutual friends that he has been out clubbing just about every night and even has hooked up with a couple of girls.I am angry and hurt and confused.I thought he loved me. We have been together for 3.5 years and like I said, we had/have a great relationship, good sex, lots of fun times, etc etc. I am not a jealous person but hearing about him hooking up with other girls is enough to make me want to throw up.I love him so much.But I feel like he is walking all over me. Putting me on a shelf until he feels like he wants to pick me up again. Am I a fool for considering sticking around while he explores other girls? I don't know what to do, I am tempted to call him and tell him that it is over for good. But then again, I don't know what I would do with myself without him. He's the only guy I have ever slept with and the only serious boyfriend I have ever had.What would you do???
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a break, clubbing, engaged, hasn't called, jealous, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): In all honesty i think everyone has been heartbroken a few times in thier lives and this is just your first one. in life you love,live and learn.I have been hurt by a guy who cheated on me after 3 1/2 yrs in a real relationship where we had plans to marry and it is a sad and heartbreaking feeling but believe me everything in life happens for a reason.he was not ment to be!if he is expecting you to wait that is not happening cause you are a smart and very sweet girl from what i see and you dont deserve to have some guy tell you to wait for him while he screws around hell no girl!!! Also believe me there are so many better men out there that are available and wanting to date someone like you so move on and hold yourself higher you are way better than that!!! TEll HIM GOOD BYE!!! crying only confirms to him he had you wrapped around his finger no you be strong and say good bye and nothing else and dont speak to him again he is not for you.He will feel worse if you do this rather than cry! it dosent help any to cry cause you need to have pride once he asked to be out with other women he is no longer in your standard and you are way too good for that kinda crap anyway wish you the best and im sure someone way better is going to come your way some time ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I applaud wholeheartedly what Cardsgirl says below - excellent advice and very wise.This guy is most definitely "wanting his cake and eat it" I'm afraid. I've experienced this kind of treatment from a man too and it is very painful at the time, but you should walk away and don't give him another chance to hurt you again, because believe me if you take him back after he knows YOU know he's been with other women, it's giving him free reign to do it again, and it will be a lot easier for him to do it next time around because he knows he can get away with it.You sound sensitive and intelligent and there are good guys out there who will appreciate all your positive qualities rather than take them for granted or prey on your vulnerabilities (and we all have them, that's what makes us human!). So just get back to being YOU for now, enjoy your life, keep busy and you WILL look back and think "what ever did I see in him?" You may not think that right now, but you will. Good luck. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): You shouldnt put up with it, this guy is having his cake and eating it, no one who respects their partner would do this to them!!! - from 21 year old male-
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I feel heartbroken for the actual poster in this, but the responses to this post are pissing me off.
A guy is in his first serious relationship, and says he needs to break from it and experience some of life. Sucks for the poster but that's a human thing to do. But when it's a male doing it, then obviosly it must be all about his mindless sexual urges and nothing else.
It never even occurs to anyone that a MALE might feel like they don't have enough relationship experience to wanna settle down yet at a young age. We all know that females are the only ones who are emotionally complex enough to wanna get more of a feel for dating relationships & different partners in general before settling down for life, right? If a man's not ready to get married to his first serious GF then he's just a throbbing cock.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Oh dear
mixed posting here from the male/females I am female adn god this guy has hurt you BUT he is telling the truth & being honest whereas he could have cheated behind your back and lied. Now don't take this the wrong way i am not suggesting you go out and do the same but you have to live a little to otherwise if you do go back together it will be your turn to say well i want to sow my wild oats. You are both so very young much too young to be getting engaged def not married do you read some of the other post on here, they are also heartbreaking please spare yourself that. Go out with girlfriends go on holiday do thing you want to do then you settle down thats the way it suppose to be. As for the boyfriend don't say nothing when he calls be friendly but when he asks you back think hard.
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A
female
reader, cardsgirl +, writes (5 November 2007):
I hate to say this but I think you should walk away. I know how bad it hurts to leave someone you love behind but think of this. If he is out there sleeping with other women, then decides that you are really what he wants, will you be able to forget about the other women? Will you be able to lay in his arms and love him without wondering if you are good enough or as good as any of them? Will you wonder if he is comparing you to them?What he is doing is soooo wrong. No one that loves you (truely loves you) would want to go and be with other people. I understand you two have been in a relationship most of your "dating" lives but he couldnt do this if he loved you.You need to think about this long and hard. If the answer to my questions is no then you need to walk away, because you will drive yourself into a deep dark depression constantly questioning if you are good enough in his eyes since he needed to see other women. You deserve so much more.You are still young and I know this hurts like nothing you have ever felt before, but there is life out there without him. It will take one day at a time, but there will be a day that you find you dont hurt anymore and even a day you will ask yourself "why did I think I couldnt live without him?" There will be a day when you find your one true love that you will look back on this and wonder why you thought he was the one. God doesnt always give us what we want, but what we need and one day you may find that he wasnt what you needed.Get out with friends. Dont sit at home by yourself. This will just make you sit and think and wonder what he is doing. Dont be alone! This will fuel your misery. Go out and keep your mind busy so you dont think about him. Dont focus on finding someone else right now. Just focus on being who you are and enjoying your friends and family right now.It will get better, I swear. Hold you head up and realize you are worth so much more than to be someone's door mat for life.God Bless and Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 If he loves you and wants to marry you he wouldnt go around with other girls he would be happy and satisfied with you, its cruel for him to ask for you to wait its just selfish, i think you need to ring him up and tell him you know about him seeing other girls and if he doesnt stop it and come straight back to you then its over. Its like he is testing the waters to see if there is something better out there and keeping you for security, im sorry but this guy is heartless and if i were you i wouldnt waste anymore tears on him.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (5 November 2007):
He is definitely selfish to say you should "bear with him" until he "decided that he was satisfied." That is so insensitive and cruel! He does sound immature and too self absorbed to marry. You deserve better!
I would definitely throw up in this situation.
I think it's time for you to tell him that you want freedom, too. Even if you are still so in love with him that you can't think about another man, just go out with some other guys as friends! Flirt a little.
if HE finds out through the grapevine you're looking at other guys, his sowing of wild oats may come immediately to a halt!
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Hello.
because this guy is cheating on you, it is better not to wait for him, if you did get married you would only divorce him if he continued in this vain, think its time for you to find some more loyal who cares and considers your feeling.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 He is not walking all over you because he's been honest. If you wait for him, that would be a mistake. As painful as it may be, go about your life and carry on. It won't thrill him but that is not his business. He has a right to do as he pleases because he's been up front with you. Here's the big BUT....telling you he wants to get engaged when he's finished....I don't think so. He doesn't have a crystal ball and he has no idea how long he'll want to sow his wild oats. That doesn't make him bad, just unprepared for a relationship. You can wait if you like but what's in for you?
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Forget about him. He is a complete loser. Who does he think he is? He really is the cat who got the cream isn't he? I mean after all he has a girlfriend in a stable relationship who he knows he can fall back on whenever he wants and at the same time he can go out and have sex with other women? He is living a mans dream here. He is not worth crying over. How would he feel if you were out sleeping with other men? He obviously doesn't fell very strongly for you at all if he can so easily forget about you and spend meaningless nights with other women! Move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Tell him how you feel. I would say he is not doing what's right. I can tell you (from mild experience) that women are not really that much different.
What does he need to get satisfied with? If you're with someone you love, and they love you, why find someone else to satisfy. If I was with someone I love and loved me, I'd be in heaven and wouldn't need or desire anything else.
You're right, you're being played. I'm really sorry this happened to you. You sound like a nice girl, and you don't deserve this treatment. If he was wanting to find out what single life was, he shouldn't have entered into a long term relationship.
I'd call him and say "you're not respectful to my feelings, this hurt me real bad, so I think I'm going to call it quits. Let him know, no girl should have to be set a side while their potential future husband dances around with other women."
You deserve better. I know it hurt. It will for a while. Build yourself and realize he's not attempting to attack you, so don't blame yourself for his actions. It was a decision he made, all though it hurts, people are allowed to make these decisions. You'll end up finding someone who loves you for being you and will carry that love with them night and day, and the last thing they'll do is play with your feelings.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I would wait. he will realize that one night stands aren't all that theyve cracked up tobe. love will always find a way. if it is ment to be he will come back
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