A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya.For about a year now ive been seeing this guy and we get on really well and both really like each other. The only problem is he's 28 and im only 16. The age dosen't matter to me that much its just a few of my friends know and are really teasing me about it calling him grandad and perv etc. We are wanting to take our relationship further but i havent had sex before and just don't know what to do.I really want to, but at the same time i just don't know whether i should do it with him or not..please help x
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male
reader, Advocate  +, writes (9 January 2010):
Losing your virginity as a teen/child to an older guy have serious consequences emotionally,physically, and for some even spiritually. I know about a family memeber who lost her virginity at 13 going on 14 to a much older man (20's). How can a man say I love you to a teen and want to engage in sex with you. She says the first encounter was painful and she bleed. He never told her he had a STD. She was looking for love in all the wrong places. Her Dad was never around and here comes this man and according to her story groomed her to believe that he was the answer to her seeking love for her Dad. She was even more convinced about having sex with him at a hotel because she looked and felt mature for her age and she was going through puberty and she was feeling sexual. He dumped her and left her to go back to his wife. She was devastated and that cause her to go in and out of relationships to find someone that would love her and take away the pains she keep experiencing with guys and sex. Today she is married with children but she still struggles with the trust issue and she can not appreciate her husband's love all the time because she thinks its all about the sex for guys. And she wishes that she did not have std and would have given her virginity to her husband. Having sex with a child is sick and illegal and furthermore they are not prepared to engagement in these activities until they are mature in all aspects.
A
male
reader, Qwertyuiopasdfghjkl  +, writes (24 March 2009):
The legal age in Canada is 14. But it's illegal for a 28 year old to have sex with some one under 18. Hope this helps. ;P
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A
female
reader, kedny12 +, writes (7 February 2009):
I am 18 and I lost my virginity about 3 weeks ago to a 30 year old... I dont regret it at all and i am quite happy i did. he never rushed me or pressured me....he is one of my best friends and our relationship started from our friendship. he is a great person who cares genuinely about me. i could honestly care less about the age difference because he makes me extremely happy. now...if ur guy makes you happy and u are 100% comfortable with him...and you have some type of TRUST in him then go ahead. i honestly believe tho that u shud wait until ur a little bit more mature. at the end of the day its your decision. make sure u guys talk about sex and all that is tied to it..that is very important. you can find love in ll the wierdest places....ohhh ad make sure you use a condom...wen u eventually do....the pregnancy scares are CRAZY!!!!!! I USED A CONDOM AND STILL THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT..I WAS PARANOID FOR WEEKS..LOL...have fun, live life, be safe, and be SMART.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Hi
I was 18 and lost my virginity to a 29 year old. Some peole were surprised that I was with somebody older - If you get on, why not.
Although I am surprised that you have not already!
Don't worry about not knowing what to do, he will alright LOL
Although I am surprised he hasn't been trying it on already. Oddly If you are asking you are not sure, and have doubts. If you date him for much longer it is an inevitability hun.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Hey whoever u r,i have no idea when this has been posted but i'm gonna help you out if ur still a virgin,if ur in love with this guy and he's in love with you cuz love goes both ways listen to his reasning and c if he's willing to wait on you,do not put out too early atleast go out with him for 1 yr or so and deny him sex if he can wait then he's ur guy and listen to what his intentions are talk to him about it and normally a guy that' speaks about havin kids is a guy that's going to stick around for a very long time.If he doesn't speak about kids he might be a player,but get to know him more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Dont do it im 17 i lost my virginity at age thirteen to a twelve year old girl and it was one of the bigest mistakes that ive made wait till you really like the guy or find another boy closer to your age
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): What is the legal age in canada? He sounds like a pervert and a child molester. RUN!
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A
female
reader, dontworryiknow +, writes (9 November 2007):
 honey you clearly shouldnt because if you was sure you wanted to do it you wouldnt have come here
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Dont do anything if you dont want to. But if your addin in the age dusnt matter then maybe you think it does or maybe your worried what other people think, ignore what people say and do what you think is best, dont have sex with him because you think you have to x good luck x
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A
female
reader, maricssa +, writes (6 November 2007):
You should wait when you are ready, and if he does love you, he should understand you and wait for you.
You are still young and for my opinion you should wait when you already have the age of making serious decision, at 18.
I feel if you dont wait and you guys relationship don't work, you might regreat.
I lost my viginity at 16 yrs old, almost one month to turn 17 and i do regreat. now I am with a sweet kind man and he is only 17 yrs old and I am 21, and we are very in love, how i wishing to give my virginity to him but it was the destiny that we couldn't meet early in our life. But now we are together happily....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Is it really: "the age doesn't matter to me?"
Are you sure it's not: "I'm attracted to him because of the age, and I probably wouldn't even have liked this guy if I had met him back when he was 16 too"?
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A
female
reader, thedirtybubble +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I'm 30 and cannot imagine having an intimate relationship with an 18 year old let alone having sex with someone that age. You have so much time and virginity isn't like Christmas. It doesn't happen every year. If he had any type of consideration, he would think about how your father would feel if he knew that a 28 yr old man is considering taking his 16 yr old daughters virginity. I mean, you are just learning to drive a car. he is either using you as a trophy or he is a sick pervert. A 28 yr old should be planning marriage, buying a house, starting a family, future retirement plans (if they haven't already) and a 16 yr old should be planning on graduating high school, buying their first car. When you are 28 my dear, you will understand.
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A
female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Personally, I lost mine to a much older man and I'm glad I did, because he was understanding, careful, considerate and experienced. This made the whole experience very special, and 4 years later my younger sister followed the same advice, with equally good outcome.
It's important that you feel ready for this, as you should not feel pressured (In my case I was the one doing the pushing) and you should do this only when you are ready.
I have little time for ages of consent which vary enormously over the world and in my view are arbitary and take no account of the individual. Nevertheless, if you live somewhere where the guy could get arrested for this you should be very careful. Where I epend most of my time (Italy) the age of consent is 14.
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (5 November 2007):
 You sound realy unsue of whether you want to take this next step.
Losing your virginity is a big step for any person adn you have to address the reasons why you have doubts?
Is it because its your first time and yo are unsure of what to do?
Is it because you feel like you are getting grief from your friedns by their name calling.
You will know when you are ready. Dont do it becuse you feel you have to and dont not do it becuase you feel like you would have the name calling.
If you are unsure voice your opinion to our man and explain that you are scared and that if and when you are ready you would like to take it slow.
If you feel maybe a little embarresed in doing this read mags that help.
More is brilliant i read this through out my teenage years.
Im 24 and married and still read it!
Timeis of the esence and when you fel ready it wil be special because you have waited.
Good luck
Peaches
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): However, regardless of whoever said stuff, I suggest you look up Canada's age of consent on the web to get a better idea on how the laws for sexual consent work.
Here's a site with a table of consent:
http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): The minimum age of consent in Canada is 16.
To look at this guy more objectively coinciding with your age, it is possible that his range of attraction to women may fall out of the more common ideal for guys that age. Let's look at this from another angle:
What if the 28 year old man wanted a relationship with a 66 year old woman? What would you say then? That he is taking advantage of her elderly years, hoping to get rewarded with her desperation for younger flesh? Come on! Stop bunching people together based on 'possible' victimization here!
The 16 year old who posted this question may or may not be mature enough - only she and those who know her, know that. We also don't know anything about the 28 year old guy. How is he like? How do these two connect? What are their common interests? What does she find him attractive and how does she see her with him? What does he find her attractive and how does he see himself with her?
The list goes on.
To the first male anon poster on saying "completely different perspective" - this is not necessarily accurate. This really depends on the environment and upbringing of each individual.
GREAT example: My uncle was 45 when he met his wife who was 21 - they got married two years after. He never had a high school education, nor college. It was expensive back in the day. He's passionate on long walks and hikes around England's trails. However, he is a docile man who spends most of his time working as a waiter and listening to opera.
My aunt who sacrificed her own opportunities for schooling (elementary and high school) for her own younger siblings, so she can stay home and care for the kids while work the fields at their rice paddy and banana plantation. Her idea of life is very simplified. To meet a man who can care for her and help her raise a family, etc. Very mature young woman, who can't cook that well at the moment unfortunately.
They are PERFECT together, though I'm sure my uncle needs a lesson on romance.
So as said, it really depends on their environment and upbringing. It IS NOT accurate to say that the 16 year old girl is not right for the 28 year old man, just because of their age. There are always other factors.
(I can feel Penta coming here to rate me down now... [grins] )
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (4 November 2007):
 I am not familiar with the laws in Canada about the appropriate age for dating however, this guy is 28 and you are 16...is this illegal in Canada? You are still young, live your life. Your family haven't reported him as a sex offender?
This man should be reported.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Just remember, sex is not a competition and not a rush on when you decide to do it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
Just remember, sex is not a competition and not a rush on when you decide to do it.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2007):
 It all depends on how you feel about this guy, and how he feels about you. Your viginity is something you want to hold onto for as long as possibe, don't lose it to someone you don't think you are going to be with in a couple of months time. Your first time should be with someone you love with all your heart. Maybe you should leave it a while and see what happens, if he is a decent guy he will respect this and wait for you.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, ...32 23... +, writes (4 November 2007):
hey, never do anything your uncomortable with. i think you should ask your self a few questions, like do i really like this person and is it something that you want to remember. the fact is, to everyone loosing your verginity is a big thing that you will remember, maybe you should talk to your partner about your concerns. he is older, so he is more mature and will understand you i should hope. your 16 and at the age now where you should make your choices, but sit down and discuss your concerns with your partner and never do anything that you uncomfortable with. another thing is NEVER let other people get to you, you reashonship is between you and your partner, not anyone else. so stop, think, discuss and decide :) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): If you really love him I think you should but if your not shure you should wait untill you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I think you might regret it later...i dont regret waiting untill i was 23 to have sex...it just made it that much better and it was an amazing gift i gave my girlfriend...and she knows it. Think about all the boys you will fall in love with someday, if I were you I would save my virginity for someone who is closer to my age, so that we would potentially have a future together.
A 28 year old has a completely different perception of reality than a 16 year old and his ability for him to subtly manipulate you into thinking whatever he wants you to think is far easier than you want to believe.
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