A
female
age
41-50,
*yespy17
writes:Ok, I'm embarrassed to even have to write this -- because it sounds so juvenille, and I am 31 years old, but I want a sounding board, so please respond honestly.I just got back from a week in Italy with my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years. He was sent for work, and I went to visit. While I was there, I showed him around Rome because I travelled and lived there ewhile I was in my 20's. (He had never been before). He knew this, and one night when we were out to dinner, said he was jealous thinking of all the old boyfriends I must have had while I was there. I said, "stop, that's the past, and if we harp on the past, we will never have a future. I'm here with YOU now, that's what's important". He let it go, or so I thought.I returned home, and he has another week of work to go. Saturday night, he posts pictures from Italy on his social networking page of our trip. But what is missing? ME. That's right, ALL the pictures of me, or me and him are missing from the 27 pictures he posted. Clearly intentional because the ones of me, or me and him, would have naturally appeared next on the camera, so they had to be unclicked to NOT be uploaded.SO, I'm disturbed. Wouldn't you be? I mean, we are 31 and 32, and this seems like such an immature behavior. I've been thinking we're not right for each other anyway, and now, I'm left wondering why am I dating someone who is so immature and would seek to hurt me in this passive agressive way by leaving me out of his photos?When I confornted him about it, he at first lied and said "I just ran out of time to put them all up, and was going to make a special album for you". Which clearly was a lie because he had to go to the trouble to take them out of chronological order. Now, 2 days later, he just fessed up that he was "drunk, and did something stupid"Any therapists out there? I'm by no means a trained professional, but to me, his behavior indicates someone who is bitter that I had a life in Rome, and wants to show me that he can "cut" me out of his life too? No?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 He clearly wanted to appear "single" to the website where he posted those photos. I don't know why he's keeping his options open, while pretending to be involved with you,but that is what he appears to be doing. Since he mentioned your past boyfriend's while you were on vacation in Rome, perhaps he is so insecure he thinks he will find someone with "less past" than you have. But I think at our age, he'll be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn't have a few past boyfriend-skeletons in her closet. If you know what I mean. Take a good look at your relationship overall. You may discover it's time to cut him lose.
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 He probably is not as independant as you and is feeling super insecure. After hearing the additional info you've added her, It doesn't seem as much like he's hiding you, more that he's just overwhelmed with jealousy.
Jealous people tend to drive independant people (such as yourself) crazy, they really do. You seem to be already seriously considering leaving him.. and if you do make sure you let him know that his jealousy is what pushed you away, not the picture thing.
He probably won't change... so if you can picture this man being the LAST person you will ever be with then you should stick with him, if not..well then you know what's coming
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Eyespy17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBobbbles32, I did tell him straight out how much his actions hurt me. That's when he suggested I was over-reacting. Said he did it in response, a drunken response to seeing old pictures of my best friend and I when we were in Rome. (they've been on my page for years- and do NOT include any of men). He never changed his relationship status so I know his online friends know he's in a relationship with me.
As for being with him? I don't know anymore. We've had previous issues related to his jealousy and sometimes I have a nagging feeling he resents all I've done with my life, and how independent I am. So posting pix without me was supposed to show "see, I can have fun without you".
Is he a head case? Who does that?
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Be straight with him. Let him know that when he put the pictures on his profile or whatever, without you in them then it made you feel like he was trying to hide you. Tell him that if he is then you'll do the honours and you'll leave.
If he's truly sorry then he'll show it.. if he's not then well he's not. Do you still want to be with him?
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Eyespy17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe didn't change his profile status during all this. It says "in a relationship" with me. So anyone who is friends on his page knows he's with me.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Eyespy17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis profile says he's in a relationship with me. He didn't change that, or try to hide that link.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 April 2009):
 When he said he was "drunk, and did something stupid", was he talking about putting these pictures up without you in them or maybe something else...? It could be one of 2 things.
1. He's trying to impress another female with his pictures and certainly doesn't want her to see you in them or that would spoil what he has with her (if anything). (I was drunk and did something stupid........) OR
2. There's a deeper, underlying problem with him regarding your past boyfriends in Rome that's eating away at him and needs to be talked about. Reasurrance would also be needed in order to let him see he has nothing to worry about.
The fact he's now added your pictures indicates to me it's the latter.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Eyespy17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for saying so, bobbles 32. He told me I'm over-reacting, but I really didn't think so - I think his subconscious, drunk behavior speaks volumes.
One more note: After I called him out on it, he posted the rest of the pictures with me, and changed his profile picture to us in Rome. Clearly trying to placate me.
I don't know what to do? Breakup with my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years over pictures that WEREN'T posted on Facebook? It sounds like something an 18 year old would have to do. God, I'm mortified.
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A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (27 April 2009):
 My initial reaction was the same as klara's. I would be highly suspicious, especially because of how he behaved about your ex-boyfriends and sometimes when people do that it's because they're hiding their own dodgy behaviour. The fact he lied is strange as well.I don't think he sounds like a very nice man, a bit juvenile at the least, and I'm sure you can do better.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (27 April 2009):
I bet you know exactly what that means. You're not overreacting, or acting crazy or anything. What you're feeling makes perfect sense and he even had the nerve to lie to you. I'd drop his sorry ass! He doesn't deserve you. It sounds like you are putting forth all the effort and affection and he's just living in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): You were thinking of ending it anyway, I would consider this to be the catalyst. He's unhappy too, and is also thinking of ending the relationship. That's the way I read the situation.
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