A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, well there is a long story behind all of this, but I wont get into it all on here. I just finished my first year of college and had a teacher last year, my senior year of high school that, well I guess you can say-we didnt like each other-then kind of grew on one another and well, we ended as friends and he would help me out anytime I needed it throughout my first year of college and we would talk maybe a couple of times each semester. I'll put it this way, he did lots of things that told me that he liked me, like framing a photo of us from graduation, staying wayyyy past the time that teachers usually do.. aka: helping me out and not getting paid for it, and more, I could go on and on. I am 19 and he 25. The thing is niether of us ever really made a "move", we would just flirt and be friends and that was it. I really have come to like him and I am pretty sure he has feelings for me, and recently he told me that he wont be returning to my high school and said he was going to this tutoring stuff on his own and stuff like that. I spoke to a few close friends and they told me that they figured that he was never "asking me out" because he did still work at my former H.S. and that now that he wont be, maybe he would make a move. I found out he was not coming back b/c I went to see him about help for my Final exam review, and before I left he told me, he was not returning to teach, and then he just told me to let him know about how my final went and if I needed anything else to let him know. Everyone thinks that, if I update him after the final -- he may finally make a move.. does that sound like something that could happen? Should I just ask him out, maybe as a way to thank him for helping me, even though I was not his student anymore. People just think that since we are both not going to be affiliated with the High School anymore, that it may give him the green light and he may do something. What do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told me he doesnt want to teach in a school,he is thinking of doing some kind of tutoring service on his own. He was saying he hopes by word of mouth things will be passed on that he is tutoring and stuff.
A
male
reader, Who +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Is he planning to teach in any other high schools? If so dating a former student is likely going to be a red flag for anyone looking to hire him, and if it comes down to a choice between him and another teacher, the school is ALWAYS going to hire the one that DIDN’T date a former student. So understand you are risking his career by making a move on him, or making yourself available for him to make the move.
Having said that, your idea of “maybe as a way to thank him for helping me” is a good one. You can ask him about his future employment plans. You can tell him you value his friendship and hope it will continue, even when he is not helping you with college.
You are not going to want to hear this next part but I believe it to be the truth so I am going to tell you anyway. Even though you are not a high school student anymore you are still a teen ager. He is not. Any relationships between you two beyond friendship is fraught with peril. In a few years the age different will not matter and you can go for it. It is possible he may find someone else in those few years and that will break your heart. But if you have made it to nineteen without one of those you are pretty lucky (just read some of the posts on this site about young love lost.) Everyone has a few broken hearts in their life, and everyone finds love again afterwards, it is just the way these things work.
On the other hand, maybe YOU will find someone else that will make you forget all about your former teacher. Or maybe he will not hook up with anyone else. Or maybe he will and will break-up. In which case the time you have spent together as friends will make a romance between you two all the better.
Best of luck and hope this helps.
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