A
female
age
30-35,
*arasu10
writes:my bf of almost 14 months gets on my facebook while im sleeping to look at other girls profiles. he also watches porn while im sleeping and even mutes the laptop so i cant hear. what is going on??
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female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 unfortunately if he is refusing to even admit or talk about it with you i have to admit it sounds like this relationship is at an end. if he was willing to try to stop, to try to get help, or even to admit he had a problem, there would be hope that this could turn into a good relationship. unfortunately he has put himself and his pleasure above you and your son, and even if just for your sons sake, you need to find a man who will be a positive role model in his life. he needs to grow up seeing his momma treated with respect and love, and that is something this relationship does not have. you need to think of the life you want you and your son to have, and put that first above all else.
A
female
reader, karasu10 +, writes (28 May 2011):
karasu10 is verified as being by the original poster of the question We've been together for over a year now. We live together and he's helped me raise my son. It does hurt me. Because I know what im doing in bed, not to brag of course,and I've never had a guy wanna look at anyone else but me. It makes me question my looks. I've talked to him about it and he just stays quiet and doesn't wanna talk about it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Frankly, thats disgusting, creepy and very disrespectful to you. He's awful for going behind your back and looking up other girls...and porn!!Talk about pathetic!!
Please gather your self esteem and kick this guy to the curb. You're worth so much, much more than this crap!!You dont deserve this behavior...nobody does. Dont try to get even with him or anything because he's not worth it. Never say you've lost your self esteem...dont ever let any guy have the better of you. Show him what you're made of. Kick his butt and ask him to go try these cheap antics on someone else...you're not going to take this nonsense any longer.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless +, writes (27 May 2011):
i actually had a very similar problem with my fiance several years ago. he had cheated on me and was watching porn behind my back, or in front of me. it even got to the point where he would blindfold me in bed and watch muted porn while we had sex!!! after i discoverd what he was doing to me in bed i lost it. I had taken everything meekly, forgiven him his infidelity and was trying to work on our relationship, but i felt so used and dirty by how he was treating me! that was the turning point for me. the key is to respect yourself first! you may want to take care of him like a good girlfriend, and not upset him, but you need to remember your feelings do NOT go on the back burner. you need to communicate to him exactly how he is making you feel with this treatment and tell him that he needs to shape up or lose you. if he is not willing to compromise with you then he is not ready for a relationship. hopefully he is mature enough to realize that you are the most important thing and that his actions are causing you harm. I hope that your situation turns out as well as mine did. thankfully my man shaped up and realized that he didnt want to lose me over porn and he has since then been a lot more open and honest with me. i hope that my situation will help you with yours.
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A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Oh no sweetheart... please don't lose your self confidence because of HIM... he doesn't deserve to take that from you!You have done everything to be exciting and open minded in bed, including viewing the porn together, and I know that you must feel under valued because you can't help comparing yourself to the women on the screen. I still think he is a selfish jerk for torturing you in this manner. He should have the decency to stop what he's doing because he KNOWS that it is upsetting you, and frankly his behaviour is appalling.He isn't being fair to you or giving you any foundation for a healthy normal relationship - yet you have tried everything for him.Is it too late for you to cut your losses and move on - (preferrably take HIS self esteem with you when you go!) or are you in too deep? How long have you been together with him? Are there are any other guy's out there that you would prefer to hang out with rather than him and his immaturity?You are young and beautiful, and remember something my nanny told me "Men are like buses, there's 1 every 5 minutes". xx
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A
female
reader, karasu10 +, writes (27 May 2011):
karasu10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're absolutely right. I have lost my self esteem. As far as us both being into porn. I am too and I've tried watching it with him but he doesn't seem to wanna mesh both...
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A
female
reader, svf +, writes (27 May 2011):
Wow, he sounds incredibly selfish, self focussed -and addicted to porn!How dare he be so disrespectful as to look at porn when you are sleeping right next to him? By the way, this is one of my pet hates - porn, unless you are BOTH into it and enjoying it together, in which case it's a different story and that's great that it brings excitement to the bedroom.But normally, this is not the case and I find the whole porn/wanking thing when you have a beautiful girlfriend right next to you really rude. I know everyone says on this site that it's ok, every guy does it, etc, but I don't think it is, as I have read so many women posting on here who are upset, have a now lowered self esteem because of their partner's porn usage and other women who are getting rejected for sex outright because their men would rather wank and fantasise about porn stars then make love to them.If porn was so healthy, why are so many relationships breaking up and why are so many women upset by their partners porn use? Is it now normal to have relationships breaking up all over the place all the time because of porn usage in 2011? It's an open debate...But apart from that, he has the nerve to go through YOUR facebook profile to check out pictures of other women aswell, what a moron!Maybe you can try meeting up with some of your male friends and see how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot! Hmfff! Pig... But I know that this will only open up another can of worms. You poor baby...You will have to have a talk with him and let him know that you find this hurtful and insulting. If he refuses to change, then you either have to put up with an extremely insensitive boyfriend who has only 1 thought on his mind, his dick - or you can hopefully find someone who is wonderful and will love you and want to spend all of his time focussed only on you for being so special to him.If your boyfriend say's that all guys look at porn and you can accept it, that's fine - but why do you have to have it shoved in your face at all hours? I mean, there's a time and a place, can't he keep it for when he's on his own if he has to check out so much?I would really be angry at him going through your personal FB page to find other girls though. Really insulting for him to do that.Please take care of yourself, you are so young and it seems to be this generation's curse because of the internet and so much accessibility to all this stuff, but I hope things work out for you and he's just going through a stupid phase. Stay romantic and try not to lose your self-esteem over his stupidity.Sammy xx
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