A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,ok. are u sitting down people?I seriously need a word of advice..i've fallen in love. madly, deeply inlove. And this man is in love with me, but we have to keep our relationship secret because we are afraid of what people might think. We really enjoy eatcother's company. We share the same opinions on life, the same interests and the same sence of humor. People would think that just because he's older than me he is some kind of "father figure" and "the leader" in the ralationship, that is not the case. We are on exactly the same level and we are very in love.I am 20 years old, and the man I love is 67. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chick989  +, writes (15 November 2010):
I am 19 and my boyfriend is 51, we've been together nearly two years. It was love at first sight for both of us and i can honestly say i love him more than ever. We have recently got back together after 6 months apart - split up because we were hurting family etc but we can't be without each other and never want to be again. We're getting engaged soon and i'm moving in with him at the beginning of next year. I can say i've never been happier. Go with your heart and live for now because you'll regret what you didn't do. As for him dying before you etc who knows what's around the corner - anyone of any age could die tomorrow. Be happy and don't let anyone ruin it :) xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Look, as long as you're above the age of consent, and he's not taking advantage of you in any way, then age is just a number. Make the most out of any happiness you can get in life. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): thank u all very much. your positivity helped me a lot! more than I could've ever imagined. and the negative answers...well...I expected them!
when I say that me and the man i love are on the same level... i suppose that some of u think that the man is childish as hell, goes to parties and has no clue about anything? well, that wasn't what i meant when i was saying "level". yeah, i'm 20 years old and i still haven't figured out what profession to chose whilst he's more or less done with working. fine. but we share the same interests (cooking, history, traveling...) the same sence of humor(well, when it comes to that...he's a kid allright;) but that's why i love him), the same views on life (that life is for living and laughing and loving).
he's not my first love. i've been together with another guy for two years (when i was 17-19) and I was inlove with him. i know perfectly well that the feeling i feel is love.
the only thing that keeps me from screeming out "i'm in love" to the world is that i'm not quite sure if our relationship can survive other people's reactions.
/1990
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 The guy is 67, and he is exactly on the very same level (emotional,intellectual,experiential,financial....)with a 20 y.o.girl ....
And...is that supposed to be a good thing ???
Why ? It sounds pretty pathetic...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): LOVE IS BLIND-
best of luck to the two of you.
3
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): GO FOR IT ! if you are happy then your families/friends should be happy too if they are any kind of family/friends. :) i'm happy for you.
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female
reader, Sensesfail101  +, writes (28 October 2010):
Girl!!!!!! I envy you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in love with an older man and I'm soooo worried about what others think too, but you have to let it out! It will cause people to talk stare and whatever but who cares if your in love!!!!!!!!! People will always tell u that u should find someone younger but it won't work because I assume he's probably ur first love?? The guy I am in love with was my first love and now that I lost him (we broke up because of people) I miss him so flipping much! But I know that our love was way too much to keep a secret!!!!! I hope I helped???? LOL
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): http://www.esparagon.com/BarbaraHarris.htm
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Im not gonna b mean about the age gap because at the end of the day love has no boundarys. Yes i find it unusual but hey thats just me. What you have to think about is the future your a young woman and he is an old man. When he gets sick are you going to be his carer? are you willing to be left as a single mother if you have children and he dies? Are you ready to be a widow possibly as young as 30? the back lash from family and friends when you are accused of being a gold digger? That isnt what i think but peole will assume things. Im not gonna tell u to leave him because if you love him then you love him but just think before you leap. good luck hunny. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): hello "eyeswideopen"
well, just a word of advice or just if there was any one with similar experiences(likely not though). this isn't my first relationship, but a very new experience since we still haven't told any one. though everything has really been great, we've been together for almost a year now and I'm very happy.
sorry if my intentions with the question was unclear.
ha-ha, you know what? I actually don't think I was after any advices...I think I just needed to tell some one, finally!! :)
/ girl 1990
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 October 2010):
 So what advice are you looking for? You didn't ask a question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Hi again,
wow. thank you for your words of advice/opinions.
we'll see what the future brings for us. all i know is that i am really, truly inlove and (as far as I know) without any serious mental issues (that specific sentence made my entire day;) )
but thank you, all of you.
take care and best of luck with your lives.
/ the girl with the old guy ;D
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (25 October 2010):
wow, oh boy, what can I say...those comments or should I say judgments are harsh and basically uncalled for she only asked for advice not personal opinion.
Now I'm 45 and age to me isn't such a deal killer for theirs it is and that's the only thing they can focus on. I met a younger wonderful person and I have no intention of ever given her up without a fight. We keep no secret so the relationship is in the open. I always tell her as long as she helps me get across the street we'll be find.
I am old enough to be your daddy/father your boyfriend is old enough to be my father with room to spare. Man that's an age gap, but this must be your decision and yours alone. Absolutely no one should influence you not even the old guy. Sorry I couldn't help it.
A man will always produces sperm the same unless something goes wrong with him their children's will be fine. (Larry King) has beautiful kids so don't post that he/she will have birth defects always back up your claims. I know other fathers even in my own family that their kids are healthy.
When you start to rationalize your relationship then step back in take a look. If you truly in love you need to prove it to each other. As you can see here you're been judged not by your character, values, morals, or anything else with substance. You're been judged sole on his age to yours. He maybe a great guy and none of these advisers could see it. This is your choice, but I think if you need to hide it then its wrong. I cannot be ashamed of anyone I truly loved. I would always stand with them no matter what. Let them talk, let them laugh, but you just be happy at whom you choose to share your life with.
Special note: A man will always be able to father a kid unless something is wrong. You to must discuss that aspect. Make sure he has the means for you to live on in case he's no longer here to help you. If not make sure he's insured just in case. With that go live your life.
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (24 October 2010):
 That's kind of harsh, female anon. Probably some is true, but still pretty harsh. Chances are, the OP is mature for her age - I know I am and I think that is a big reason why the man I'm with and I have a lot in common and get along so well. He's kind of like a kid at heart (not childish!) while I'm mature for my age. And I, personally, do have friends and am not depressed, so being with an older man does not necessarily mean we have "daddy issues."
My parents don't know about my relationship yet but they will soon. I know they won't approve either, but they just have to realize that I'm a grown woman who knows what she's doing and who has fallen in love with a wonderful man, who just happens to be several years older.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Uh, that is huge. VERY huge.
1) I'm not sure your really in love, but rather think you are (you are young still, need more time to mature and find out what love really is. This usually doesn't happen until mid 20's. Wonder why the divorce rate is so high? This explains it all.)
2) He's 67, old enough to be your father and grandfather. My dad's not even that old and I'm a little older than you and I was the 2nd youngest in my big bunch of siblings!
3) He's 67, how long do you expect him to live? Chances are he'll be dead by 80.
4) Do you plan on having an kids?
sub 1) sperm quality decreases with age
sub 2) Idea of having sex with a 67 year old man while your 20 is disturbing and gross!
sub 3) What will your kids (if you have any) think?
sub 4) If you have kids, and if they turn out normally, I sincerely doubt he would have energy to play with them. He'd be the kind to tell them to shut up while he is watching tv.
sub 5) he would die soon, and your kids would be left to grow up without a father...and if you meet a different man, he will be disturbed by that fact that you were with a man 47 years older.
5) Your parent's will never agree to such marriage nor will your friends or family (I myself don't in this case!!!)
6) I don't think this guy truly loves you as a life long partner. Rather, he has the opportunity to be with a very young woman and taking it~means he's using you for your youth.
7) With a 47 year age difference you can't possibly have anything (if much) in common. I was getting a new cell phone a few days ago and my mom was with. She ended up talking to one of the workers there and they were talking about the Jettsons, and I was like "Who?"
8) How are you emotionally? I mean, are you lonely in life, depressed, not many friends...? It sounds like you have some emotional issues that are causing you to cling to this guy. He's a guy whose taking interest in you and you like the feeling be you lack it otherwise. This is not good!!!
9) Leave him, forget him, never see him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): 17 and 82
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Most definitely the biggest age gap I've seen. Well, my only concern for you is that he'll out live you, and if you two get married he may or may not be able to give you children, and won't be alive to see his son/daughter grow up much less get married and be a grandparent. This man has already lived almost 3/4's of his life, you are 5 years shy from living a quarter of yours.
Love does come in many shapes and forms, different ages..and when I was your age, I stopped worrying about age. However, I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who was old enough to be my father, but that's just my preference. My advice to you is to bring your love out into the open, and stop keeping the secret in the closet. Reason being, you don't know how much time he has due that he's up there in age..life is too short for some, so enjoy him and what you two have..Don't be afraid or ashamed.
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (24 October 2010):
I am in your exact same position. I am in love with a man who is 40 years my senior; I'm 27. And I love this man to death. He's my soulmate and I can't picture my life with another man, nor do I want another man. We also keep our relationship secret because of what others may think. Funny story: I was purchasing something and I didn't have enough cash on me so he paid for the rest and the cashier said something like "ahh, it's always good to have fathers around." The both of us left the store and started laughing; it didn't affect either of us. That's the trick - the comments from the outsiders who just will never understand, you just have to let it roll off you and laugh it off. Never let the comments get to you.
Don't listen to anon. - if you truly love this man, follow your heart. Age is just a number; what's most important in a relationship is how compatible the two of you are and how much you guys have a good time together.
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female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (24 October 2010):
He is how old??? My goodness! Umm well, how serious is the relationship? Do you intend to get married? If you did get married, how long would the marriage last before you're a widow? Would you want him to father your kids when he's old enough to be your grandfather anyway? You're a young woman, you need to think clearly about this. Im not trying to discourage you, i just want you to look at the issue from all angles so that you can make an informed decision.
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female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (24 October 2010):
i was 16 when i met the man i ended up marrying. he was 38 at the time. no one thought it was a good idea, but we have been married for nine yrs. we have 3 beautiful kids together. be prepaired tho if u 2 have any kids u will b doing most of the work. im not being mean its just at a certain age people cant do as much and u end up taking up slack for the both of you for bout 90 percent of housework and the kids and thats so much work for one person to take on. no matter what any one says on here u will do what u want and more power to u, u should do what makes you happy but keep in mind that every choice has a good side and bad side but u cant tell the future so all i can say is just hold off having kids until u live together for bout 3 yrs. u will get 2 c the guys living habits and make sure both ur personalities mesh together. if u decide to get married to him dont let anyone hold u back. GL to u both and remember if u live a happy healthy life u will live longer.:-D
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Wow my dad is 47 and this is very weird I think you should just move on...
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 You should relax. I am more appalled by the Playboy Bunnies living in the mansion, than I am of this particular relationship. Like I tell all who are worried about their age difference, it is your choice, if you are happy and if he is happy, that is all that matters. Should people stare strangely or offensively in some way, what does it matter? As long as you two are in love, nothing else can interfere, nor should it.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, RosaBanks +, writes (24 October 2010):
 i know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm in love, with a woman. She's forty three. (i didn't even know i was bisexual before, but....now i do!) and she's my teacher. Please, no one give me all that you-think-you're-in-love-with-her-but-actually-you-aren't crap, because i KNOW im in love with her. I am thirteen.
I'm so happy for you two that you are together, no matter what your age. It's really difficult to know whether to tell your friends and family or not, because once one person knows, it goes around.
I really hate it that having a big age gap in a relationship is seen as 'wrong' and 'disgusting' i wish it was just normal. It will be difficult with the age gap, but if you're in love, you can work it out.
best of luck
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female
reader, luv princess  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Love just happens.... it does not see age,money or any other factors.But the biggest question is how long can you be in a relationship with your love interest? That is keeping his age in mind.
Responsibilities of your man will be on your shoulders as well as his caring.
it will be a challenging life ahead of you...if you are ready to take it...it is one in a million question.
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