A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Five months ago I met this guy who seemed like a good guy and was fun to hang around. From the first moment we met he admitted to me that he had a son who was in the first grade, and showed me pictures like any proud father. Even though I myself have no children I was willing to give him a chance. This resulted in us dating for five months. For a little while I felt like something wasn't right due to my boyfriend at times trying to look through my phone or ask me who was texting me or question me about the people who call me. Going on my women's intuition I found out the code to his phone and found out through a series of text messages that he was still legally married (he says they've been separated for three years), he still slept with his 'wife' occasionally, and lied about having one child (turned out he also had a daughter who was 1 year). I broke up with him but after giving him a chance to defend himself I have been questioning whether I should give him a second chance or if he deserves one. What should I do?
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female
reader, Totally crazy +, writes (28 August 2017):
I applaud u for getting out.im in a relationship rekindle with him after 20yrs.we wete high school sweethearts..to so shorten story.i seen him again 8yrs ago my divorve was 3weeks ago..we talked he said he never got married..he moved to va for work purposes..he came to visit me monthly 2yrs later i found out he is married.i was in love with him..still keep the relationship its now been 8yrs.at the time back then he said they were separted so that why i continued.its been 8yrs ive never been to his house their.he helped her raise 3 daughter which is grown and they come around a lot cuz they live in same area.he say they will cause drama if he bring me around..he moved in with me 8mobths ago..we went to va i stayed on hotel 13mintutes from his home.my thing is he cant keep me a secret forever..he lives with me in s.c.so this family im sure thinks he stays in charleston where he workwe stayed in va thur-sat...fri he was going to visit the daughter he never came back to hotel that nite..i left va sat because i feel his wife still lives in the house..sat morning i took cab to his house.i told him i was coming he tried everything to talk me out of it..saying thedaughters were there helping him with yard work..when i pulled up he was outside hr walked to curve.i pretend i was looking for a lady to make him squirm...he said noone live there by that name..he was standing in front of mr truing to block me.it was one lady standing on his deck..i am finally done with him..he trying to convince me it was the daughter not his wife..i told him if he cant prove to me thst was his daugther I DONE...SO I AM..LORD I BEEN SO PATIENCE WITH THIS MAN..HE LIVES WITH MR BUT I CANT SET FOOT AT HIS HOUSE.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): if you were his priority he would have divorced her long ago, he wouldn't have lied, nor would he have hidden the fact that he had another kid
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 July 2011):
 No. Simple enough.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (12 July 2011):
You did the right thing by dumping him. Don't give him a second chance. He lied about only having one child, or at the very least misrepresented it, and he clearly has ex issues. He's a mess.
There are far better guys out there. You learned what he's really like before you got in too deep, so be thankful of that and move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2011):
 will you ever be able to trust him?
you didn't trust him BEFORE you knew he lied (hence your breaking into his phone) and now you have proof that he's a cheater and a liar?
will you ever trust him fully? or will you always wonder if he's lying or cheating?
I know for me that trust broken is trust NEVER fully regained.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): the reason he lied to you about his second kid is because the daughter was obviously conceived when he and his wife were already supposedly "separated." (he said he's been "separated" for 3 years but his younger kid is 1 year old...??). He kept his 1-yr-old a secret from you because if he told you, you would instantly know that he was still sleeping with his wife 2 years into their so-called 'separation' and this would make him look very bad, and rightfully so!!
basically a guy who's ashamed of his kid, for selfish reasons, is a scum.
red flags every where!!
this guy is separated from his wife, yet got her pregnant 2 years into the separation. And yet now they are not "completely" back together as full couple and yet are still not divorced. This guy cannot make up his mind. I think he wants out of his marriage but can't give up the security of having a sex partner at his beck and call, and doesn't want to pay child support and alimony so for that reason he's "separated' yet still sleeping with her. and dating other women like you.
so what exactly do you want to give him a second chance for? to continue doing exactly what he's already been doing? for him to conceive a third kid with the wife he's supposedly separated from?
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A
female
reader, Loiselle +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Never see him again. Never talk to him again. He is bad bad news. Count yourself lucky you are getting off this easy. Too bad his wife has already had children with him. Poor thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Are you crazy? He still occasiocally has sex with his wife, they've been seperated 3 years yet he has a 1 year old daughter, they still can't sign divorce papers...HELLO!!
This man is a flat out liar incapable of staying faithfull to any woman. In all honestly he isn't doin anything wrong with his wife- who I doubt he is seperated from at all. He is actually having an affair with you and your the one in the wrong by staying witH him. Sorry to say this but your the other woman. You've been lied to for 5 months now have some self respect and find yourself a MAN!! This one has way too much baggage.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2011):
 What would you give him a second chance to do, exactly??
He is still married, so give him a second chance to finalize his divorce? No way. He's still sleeping with her. You may be able to legally separate, but you haven't truly separated from your wife if you're still having sex with her. HUGE LIE #1.
What would possess him to hide the fact that he has a one year old child from you? He showed off the first grader, but hid his toddler? Was this because he thought he had too much baggage with two kids? Was he going to reveal this after he's had tons of sex with you and possibly gotten you pregnant with child #3? HUGE LIE #2.
You give someone a second chance if they're 10 minutes late in picking you up. You do not give a serial liar and cheater who disavows his child with his silence a second chance. One lie is a mistake. Two of them are a massive warning sign of someone who is toxic.
Consider yourself lucky that you found out after 5 months instead of 10 months, an unplanned pregnancy and his cheating on you with someone else.
Run away. This isn't a question of chances, at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Your joking right?!!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 July 2011):
 You have been played.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Should you give him another chance? Absolutely not. He is married; (whether separated or not, he still has sex with his wife sometimes); he has lied to you.
No, you can do much better than him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Run.Been there, done that. He will break your heart over and over again. There are more lies. Always will be. If you give him another chance, he will continue to treat you the way he has treated you. You will hope and find disappointment time and time again. I am in the situation that you are about to go into. I found out that my boyfriend lied. He said he was divorced. He was still married, sleeping with her and lying to her about me. yes, they were seperated,but he hadn't finished the divorce and was keeping her hanging on. I gave him another chance. to find what? that was only the beginning of the truth. He had lied about pretty much everything from employment history, previous marriages, to where he lived when, to his pornography issues, etc. goes on and on. It takes alot of small lies to cover up big ones, so this is only the beginning of the truth. I noticed his stories just weren't adding up. he too showed signs of insecurities and jealousy that I didn't get. Red flags popped up, but I ignored them. this is a red flag screaming run for your life, for you future and your sanity. It is what it is. he is a liar, cheater and has no self esteem. He can't even be upfront about having 2 kids. Mine told me his wife was pregnant and that he didn't know. lol. As a parent, i could never deny my children. If I am serious about being with someone, then they have to know upfront that I come with 2 kids. It's an all for one package. He cheated on his wife with you, then on you with his wife, and who knows who else. You have only lost 5 months of your life on this loser, don't wait until it is 5 years and your self esteem and self worth are in the toilet because you keep making excuses for him. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's a duck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 You will always be doubting him, so I would have to say no to any second chances for this guy. In the five months that you dated, was occasionally sleeping with the 'wife'? If the answer is yes, he has been unfaithful to you. Not telling the truth about how many children he has, makes him a liar, as well as a cheater. Not really what you should be looking for in a boyfriend. I am sure you could do much better. Tell yourself that you deserve so much more than all that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Run away, as quickly as you can.
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A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (12 July 2011):
No, he is taking you for granted.
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A
female
reader, Larissalover1  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 i really dont think you should... he lied about wayyy more than one thing!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): to me the only thing he did wrong was not tell you he had a second child. what was his reason? you've only been dating for 5 months so maybe he thinks it's too early to tell you everything about himself?
but other than that: you knew from the start that he was still married - being separated no matter for how many years means you are still legally married. so that shouldn't have come as a surprise to you. and that he still sleeps with his wife - well again if they're still legally married he's not doing anything wrong.
you shouldn't date guys who are still legally married but only if they're divorced and have been for some time. Being separated but not divorced means they're still in limbo-land, their relationship isn't over yet. He says they were separated for 3 years and STILL not divorced? that definitely means that they are not "done" with each other, they can't fully let go of each other. so the fact that he still sleeps with her shouldn't come as a surprise to you.
you should probably move on from this guy cos it's too early to get involved with him since he's not yet divorced. he's still got one foot in his marriage. he's probably one of those guys who can't be alone and always has to be in a relationship so he's still hanging onto his marriage while trying to set up a new relationship. this isn't a good place for you to be in.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I don't think so. He lied about his kids and he is MARRIED making you the other women. Red Flags are screaming to run away.
He sounds like no good. You are better off without him.
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