A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out i was pregnant a few weeks ago. Its not the best news but im learing to deal with it. Im only 21 and recently moved to sweden to be with my boyfriend. Before i found out i was pregnant i wanted to leave him and go home. I have nothen here and they guy is abusive. He's threw me out contless times. Beats our cat. Has no job. Is not a nice person at all. I told him i want to go home and he said if i didnt come back he would kill me and my family. This is not the 1st time he's said he will kill my family. He has never even met them. I am scared of this guy. Iv never been treated this way in my life and im terrifed. I dont even want to tell my family and friends. He said if i managed to go home when the baby is born he will take it from me. I dont know what to do. I no longer love him and just want to go home and be with my family and live a happy life again. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Get out NOW! I know it's scary, and you feel like cowering and staying because of the fear. LEAVE. PLEASE. Your a mother. Baby and your health has to come first, your in danger, so is baby. LEAVE, PLEASE. Don't say anything, don't act the slightest bit suspicious, just go. My heart goes out to you.
I hope you make it out. Please.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 This man is very dangerous.
You may have to walk out leaving your clothes and the cat behind. Sorry but your personal safety and your life are more important than the cat and your clothes.What papers you need to travel, any personal things like your bank account put them together quietly. No alerting him.
Do you have a clear picture of his face? And his correct date of birth? Police may need it.
Put them in the bottom of the bag you would take when you go shopping. There are times when you have to shop for supplies.
Next time you need to get supplies act nonchalant pick up your purse and put it in that said bag above and walk out as if you are just going to the shops.
Act calm and normal like usual, as if it is no big deal, say what ever you would say when you are just going to shops.
Head straight for the police, and while there document the threats etc. While there contact your Mom. Get your travel booked and ask Police if there is a Woman's shelter you can stay in prior to your flight home. Do NOT go back to the bedsit. Do not answer your phone to his calls. Once you arrive back in your country get a new phone and a new phone number.
Ask a woman from the woman's shelter to accompany you to the airport. Because this man is seriously dangerous and is a threat to your life.
Get your Mom to meet you at airport when you arrive home.
When your bf goes looking for you police wil then know he is abusive.
Back home in your country go to police. Tell them of threats to family and give them copy (you keep original) of photo of abuser and his date of birth in case abuser does come.
Keep photo and date of birth in case in 30 years your child wants to know what father looked like and his name. Children in these situations do eventually get curious.
Best wishes to you for your life ahead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): im hurt, since im a swedish person myself... call the police, things like this should not occur! just make sure you're safe before you do it. Put yourself and your baby first,(the cat too, i hate it when animals are beaten..it makes me sick really). The police will help you.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 This type of situation can be extremely scary, extremely. But to be perfectly blunt, get out of there now. Right now. DOn't waste anytime. DOn't tell him you're leaving, just go.
I don't understand why you moved to Sweden with this guy when your family hasn't even met him yet and now you are pregnant? Congrats by the way. Babies are amazing. You are a mother now. It's time to put baby first. If he is threatening you and your family now and beats your cat, what makes you think he won't harm the baby too?
Pack up and go to your family. Inform them of what is going on, so if he does come to your town or whatever, they will be prepared.
I highly doubt he will track you down as he doesn't have a job and it usually costs money to travel.
You need to get the police involved and have his behavior documented so if he does try to take you to court over custody of your baby (which he probably won't win anyway) then they have documentation of his abusive behavior. I know that it's really scary to do all of this, but this must be done to protect your baby, you and your family.
PLease, just pack up and go. Possibly call your family and let them know what is going on in advance so they can be waiting for you (on the alert) and possibly help you to get back home.
Please keep me updated?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): As scared as you are, you need to leave this man, NOW!
No end of communicating on DC will protect you and your unborn child - as you have to take CONTROL of this abusive and very unhealthy relationship you're in. This is NOT being harsh with you, this is saying logically and calmly what you NEED to do to help yourself get out of this situation.
It doesn't really matter right now how you got to be with a man like this, but I suspect it's down to you being somewhat of a ' people pleaser 'lacking some self-confidence, not asserting what you want from a guy, as in, setting boundaries from the outset, that IF the guy doesn't meet those, you don't DATE him, let alone end up in a bed sitter with him. This does NOT make you stupid, just a little to keen to put the guy before you're own needs.
You have to alert the police, as yes they may be idle threats as one poster said, but NONE of us here on DC, know that for a fact. I like to offer advice on facts, and the only fact we have here, is he has 'threatened you' that for me is enough to take it seriously. Better always to be safe than sorry.
You cannot keep saying you're scared, you live in one room, he may do this, he may do that..The alternative is stay and become HIS punch-bag either EMOTIONALLY or physically, and a life of misery, and NO life for an innocent child to be born into.
You must find within yourself the courage and strength to leave him NOW, no ifs and buts, sorry, but this is the answer to END this very sad situation. All the follow-ups in the world on here, or Aunts and Uncles giving you a virtual shoulder will NOT help you when you're alone with this man.
GET OUT from that bed-sitter and don't look back, get back to your family and do ALL you can to make as many people know as possible of his threats, including the poilice, you must register this with them. Also see a solicitor, once back in the UK you can receive a FREE one hour's advice, every law firm offers that, or see the CAB where they will point you in the direction of a good solicitor.
Please do this, please help yourself, as that is what it comes down to now.
Good luck and please take care.
Jilly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): No, he does not know were i live thank god. I feel so stupid for getting into this situation. Theres no way i could leave without him knowing as were in this bed sit together 24/7. I have told him i just want to go home for xmas and if i can this is my big chance.
I know this sounds stupid but i know i will feel alot of guilt for leaving him as this child will not have a dad. He seams soo happy about having a child and im taking that away from him. I guess its his mistake though.
Thank you all so much for your replies they make me relise i cant just push these things aside anymore
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Leave and go to your family. Just pack up and go, don't say a word to him about it and get out of there.
Just a thought - I doubt he'll get custody of the child or even try, to be honest, BUT I think it's very important that, if you choose not to involve the police, you write a statement documenting his behaviour and his threats(towards you, the cat) ASAP and lodge it with a solicitor so you then have a solid piece of evidence if a custody situation was to occur in the future.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 December 2010):
Pack your bags and leave. Tell as many people as you can what you're doing so they know, and speak to the police about this. Just get away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I have thought about calling the police may times but again it comes back to the fact that im scared. Im so alone here. If i phoned the poilce and he knew what would he do to me?
Thank you so much for youre answer. I think i just have to tell my family. My mum has been in the same situation i am in now with my own father and im so proud of her for leaving him. I want my child to feel the same way. I could never forgive myself if he acted like this around this baby.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 These are idle threats. Without a word, leave him and take what you can, I highly doubt he will somehow achieve custody of the child. Do not worry, the moment you see your family again, you will know that you are safe and your family is safe.
Even so, why have you not turned to the police? He is abusive and he has harmed a living creature, threatened you with death, that alone should be enough to have him arrested. Just an option.
Do not be scared. Fear is his way of reaching your mind but you cannot allow yourself to be forced into emotional slavery. He cannot force someone to be his girlfriend.
Go on now and see your family. There is nothing he can do to harm you and your precious child. You will live a happy life again and perhaps even find love, one that will keep you safe and warm in the harshest darkness.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (2 December 2010):
These are idle threats. Without a word, leave him and take what you can, I highly doubt he will somehow achieve custody of the child. Do not worry, the moment you see your family again, you will know that you are safe and your family is safe.
Even so, why have you not turned to the police? He is abusive and he has harmed a living creature, threatened you with death, that alone should be enough to have him arrested. Just an option.
Do not be scared. Fear is his way of reaching your mind but you cannot allow yourself to be forced into emotional slavery. He cannot force someone to be his girlfriend.
Go on now and see your family. There is nothing he can do to harm you and your precious child. You will live a happy life again and perhaps even find love, one that will keep you safe and warm in the harshest darkness.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Pack your bags and leave now. If neccessary don't tell him you are leaving, as he may try and stop you. But just go - back home to your family. There is nothing else to say. Please go. Good luck. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, lerato29  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 please you have to go to the police,let your family and friends know about his intensions.otherwise he will just kill you even if you are not going home.he is an abusive bustered he doesnt need a reason to hurt you just report him and get out of there as soon as you can.does he know where your family live?
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