A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this man for about 7 months now, it is not a serious relationship and we have been honest with each other from the start about what to expect from this.He has always maintained that he really likes me, loves spending time with me...etc however his job is quite unstable at the moment and he is commuting between two large cities in the UK. The plan is in Jan/Feb he will permanently be in one place for his work, and this is looking likely to be London (I am in the other city about 120 miles away). So he has been open from the start that he cannot commit to anything right now, and his career is a priority, which I really admire and respect about him. I have also just got a new job which is keeping me very busy and I am trying to push myself in my chosen career so I can progress further. Therefore this arrangement we have works well, neither of us is unhappy with it or is wanting more from the other person.We see each other about once a week, sometimes once every 2 to 3 weeks depending on our schedules (we are both very sociable people and have hectic weekends too!). When we are together it is simply amazing, I knew from the moment I met him that he is an increidbly special person and I feel so lucky to have met him. He is exactly the man I dreamed of when I was a little girl, I had pretty much given up on the idea that such a man existed until I met him. Now this is where the problem lies - if there is such thing then I have met 'the one', he is it and I have that feeling when you 'just know' it is right. I hate that horrible cheesy idea of the one and I always like to think that with the number of people on this planet, there will always be more than one person you are highly compatible with. But he is just something else, not one I will ever forget. So despite falling head over heels for him and knowing this wont be going anywhere (as he has always been honest with me I never got my hopes up, I just fell for him without being able to stop myself). He is much stronger mentally than I am, I know (after a few conversations and random comments) that he is trying his best not to like me too much (his words) and that he isnt allowing himself to develop any deep feelings for me. Now I am fine with that, of course it would be lovely if he felt the same for me but I dont need the 'L' word to be happy - I just feel so lucky that I have met him and appreciate the time that we spend together. Not many people get to meet the love of their lives so to speak, so I am simply happy to have had the chance to experience these feelings. So here we are in December, and I know our time is running out. We spoke about all this in some depth last night, and he is trying so hard to stunt himself emotionally that he wont even think about the future, he said he cant imagine the day when we dont speak anymore and we will never see each other again, but then again he doesnt know what is happening with work and he knows that work is too much of a priority to even think about fitting in a partner (he is 32 and thinks about having a family a lot, and he really does have the option to make time for a partner i.e. at weekends, seeing his partner rather than his friends - its just he chooses not to for reasons he admits he has never really thought about). So how do I prepare myself to let him go? I dont want to be a huge emotional wreck, I knew what this was from the start so I am ok with it, but I just need to know if there is any way I can prepare myself for this. I may only see him another 1 or 2 times before he leaves, and I am not holding out any hope that we will see each other once he moves away. It is only an hour and a half on the train, and the distance is not huge - but I know him and I know he may say he wants to see me again but other things will get in the way and that will be that. So how do I stop myself from becoming a mess when we say goodbye? How do I prepare mentally so it does not hurt as much as I am expecting it to? How do I think of this in a different way so it is not the overwhelming feeling of losing him that hits me?Thank you for any words of wisdom. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): He has been quite open about the fact that he doesn't want the committment of a full-on relationship that is going somewhere. There seems to be an imbalance between how much emotional input you have into this compared to him. But you are well aware of this it is clear. You will have to brace yourself for him being based in London and that that may be the end of what you have. As he has been honest it is hard for you to do anything other than kiss him goodbye, or lay your cards on the table about how much he means to you. There is no easy way to let someone go. Maybe you could still meet up at weekends. Or perhaps you need to go 'cold turkey' so you can move on. Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Well if am honest with you, we can never properly prepare ourselves for a situation like this, therefore there is not a lot of advice i can give you am afraid. All i will say is just keep am open mind about it, dont say to yourself that it will be the last time you see him just accept that he is moving away and reason with yourself that you may get to see him again if you travel on the train down to him. Talk to him and tell him you dont want to say goodbye, tell him you accept that his career comes first and that you respect that but maybe you could find a day every month were you can each take turns to travel to see the other. Goodluck.
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