A
female
age
41-50,
*ina8383
writes:I have a new boyfriend that I have been dating for a few months now. He's really nice to me and treats me well. He recently told me that he has a domestic violence conviction. He tells me it was a male roommate who he got into a fight with. After he told me I looked him up online and yes there is a conviction for the charge, but there is also a charge for child endangerment, he plead not guilty to the charge and was not convicted for that. It's freaking me out since he seems like such a nice guy. He does drink a lot of beer all the time though, I'm not sure what I should make of this. Any advice would be helpful.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I think the fact that this man is a heavy drinker will lead to future problems for you. A truly healthy man wouldn't feel the need to have lots and lots of beers, add in the weird conviction and I think that's enough of a red flag to decide to walk away.
If he'd had just the one conviction, perhaps that could be overlooked, but add in the heavy drinking? Um, this man's drama is not yet over.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 June 2012):
 You don’t get a domestic violence conviction for a male roommate unless you are living as partners… DOMESTIC violence applies to FAMILIES… spouses, lovers, partners. And if there was child endangerment it’s not good.
The fact that he was willing and able to hit someone he lives with (male or female) is not a good sign.
The fact that you were married previously to an abuser is NOT a good sign.
The fact that you work for him is not a good sign…
You can get the police reports they should be public record. IF you looked it up you should be able to see when the charges were etc…
You know there’s a problem the violence and the drinking are key red flags, your past history raises those red flags even higher.
My current partner.. drinks a lot. And sometimes) when he drinks he gets in “the mood” and he can be violent. I’ve made the EDUCATED choice to stay with him (based on many things) but I strongly advise other women who have the option to RUN to do so. DO NOT stay with him if you have any inkling that he may be violent on a regular basis.
Yes on occasion a person has a ONE shot deal where something bad happens and they learn from it and it never happens again but for the most part, a person of any substantial age (and clearly he is of a substantial age) has their personality and behaviors ingrained and permanent.
If it’s never happened before (and you don’t know that it has not, just that he never got caught) it may never happen again… TREAD very very VERY carefully.
And find a new job.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I know judging someone for their past can be wrong, but personally, I believe in better safe then sorry.
So what was the child endangerment for? He could have been charged and the mother of the child dropped the charge.... Yea, iffy to say the least.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 June 2012):
 Wow, are you seriously asking this question? Not to be disrespectful, but listen to yourself. Let me start with the most insignificant part of this post...that he drinks a lot of beer. Men drink beer in my presence, but as a woman, I am not impressed with anyone, either a male or a female who drinks a lot of alcohol. Especially if I am dating the man and I notice he is constantly drinking beer. That's red flag number one. The reason I say that is because it doesn't give the impression of someone who cares about himself. Need I say more??? People don't just get domestic charges and child endangerment convictions...they EARN them. I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 The heavy drinking alone is enough to throw this fish back in to the pond!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 June 2012):
It's good he was upfront about the domestic charge, but part of me thinks he's doing it so he can twist the facts in his favor beforehand, not because he actually cares. Like others have said, domestic charges usually apply when there was a woman involved and the child endangerment also makes this a much more logical possibility than the scenario he presented to you. The drinking is also a red flag.
In my opinion it's better be safe than sorry. Get rid of him, no matter how nice he seems now. He's showing you his hands and it's not pretty. People that can effectively mix up lies with truth are the dangerous ones.
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A
female
reader, Nina8383 +, writes (8 June 2012):
Nina8383 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, it did shock me that there was a child involved. The charge he plead guilty to was for "Battery against cohabitant". I haven't asked him about the child endangerment or even told him I looked it up. The conviction was six years ago.
I was married to a man who beat me up as well.
It's going to be hard to get away from him, as I now work for him. I was unemployed and he offered me a part time job. I do like him, the only issue I have ever had with him is that he is 20 years older than me. I've always dated older men and he doesn't look old.
I'll have to really think about this. I just wish I could get the police report.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Uhh...NO. Run! RUN!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter one bit whether or not the child endangerment charge was dismissed. There was a CHILD involved, and this shows his character that he would get into a fight and compromise a kid without thought.
This also says other things:
1. He has a horrible temper and gets physically violent
2. He wouldn't consider your safety if he were to lose control
3. He is a heavy drinker, and alcohol and rage will end up bad for you
4. You need to think of your future. Usually, girlfriends become roommates. Girlfriends sometimes have kids.
I also agree with CaringGuy. They usually charge for Assault and Battery against a male to male roommate. Domestic Assault is typically seen for opposite sex disputes. He could have been telling you a half truth...his roommate could have been female! And the child could have been her son or daughter.
Run away. Seriously. This isn't something to justify away and minimize.
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A
male
reader, adamskidude +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Sounds VERY scary, ditch him and do it carefully
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 June 2012):
I have a feeling you're being seriously lied to here. I'm not convinced that the Domestic charge relates to a male roommate, and clearly there was something wrong that there was another charge for child endangerment. Add that to the apparent drinking problem, and to me you need to be taking this seriously.
I would look at what has been written and suggest that he was abusive towards a single mother. Clearly I have no proof of this, but I just don't buy what has been told to you.
So, it's up to you. But I think you need to be concerned.
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