A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ive gotten to a point where no women is good enough for me to date. At 21 all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers". I feel I owe it to myself to find the best the world has to offer and I haven't seen it in anyone. All I see is used up girls who are broken and I don't deserve that. I believe that iam destined to be alone. Every time I fall for someone they always in a relationship. Are there any guys on here that feel the same way and how do you deal with knowing your gonna be alone for years to come? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 March 2012):
You want to know what's pointless, OP? Giving up. You didn't go out swinging, you threw in the towel before the battle even started. But sure, do as you wish. Let your prejudice and your negativity rule you and become a self fulfilling prophecy. Do nothing and nothing will happen. Just remember there is a terrible freedom and price to pay for that.
I would recommend therapy, because at this point you have become caged by your own destructive thinking. The only thing standing between you and happiness is yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't care anymore, whats the point of everything or even trying with people its just all pointless.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 March 2012):
OP, there may be a valid point that you are trying to make but you have probably come to the wrong place to make it! Your inability to meet the right woman is not our problem so your generalisations are not going to get you any sympathy. It is often the case that people who start their sex life whilst still virtually children will show the emotional scars that you are trying to avoid. Most of the DC aunts and uncles have a fair bit of experience under our belts and critisise your childish search for purity. We can tell you the benifits of having experience whilst not noticing our cynical and mistrusting undertones. Most probably haven't had the wonderful experience of losing their virginity with another virgin, of being in a relationship with no doubts or fighting.
If what you are actually saying is that you are looking for another virgin then the news for you is that contrary to popular belief there are many (maybe still almost most) in your age group. They are not in the bars you frequent, better try libraries and churches. You may find the soul mate ypu seek, but I don't guarentee you will have so much fun on the dance floor, or in bed!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 March 2012):
Everyone complains, OP. And the big complainers also tend to gravitate towards each other, because the more grounded people will not put up with much of it.
Also, can you recall exactly how many women have complained to you about guys in the way you mention? I bet the amount can be counted on one hand. Does that mean EVERY woman is like that? No, so don't generalize an entire group of people making up basically 50% of the world's population.
Take us for an instance. A lot of posters who replied to your question are female. Do we all come across to you as 'left-overs' and sluts who have no respect for ourselves?
Your own negative attitude is what's undermining your happiness, not these women. They will continue on living their lives with and without your approval. So instead of pointing at them, why not take a real good look at yourself?
Real stupidity lies not in making a mistake, but in doing the exact same thing and expecting a different outcome. What you're doing now is obviously not working to help you live a satisfied and happy life. So change it up, starting with your attitude.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Men can complain and women can complain as well. Everybody can complain.
But complaining without making changes does not help. It serves no practical purposes, it may make you a whiner but never a winner.
And when I say making changes, I mean in yourself, not in the other persons . Because after all it's YOU that have the problem, of being lonely and frustrated, not them. They- the broken , used up women - apparently leave happily also without you.
So, even if your subjective , delusional perspective ( that you are surrounded by an army of whores and losers ) were the truth ( which is not ) - the problem would still be yours and you'd still have to deal with it by making adjustments. Like, learning to like whores. Or ,learning to enjoy your aloneness.
Or, more sensibly and rationally, giving a deep hard honest look into yourself and your mental schemes and behaviours and see which ones could/ should be modified in a direction that supports your happiness and wellbeing.
Suppose , for instance, that really ALL the 20 y.o. girls in your town were already taken. I find this hard to believe, but you never know, maybe you do live in one of those tiny rural villages where everybody gets engaged at 17 with their next door neighbour. Then ?
Simple : then you have to MOVE: Go live elsewhee, where there are more women and more social occasions.
You can stay put , and keep complaining until you are blue in your face , if you wish. But that would not change of a dot your predicament.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear women say all the time that all guys are assholes and that there are no good guys left. It doesn't bother me that women say that. Its not my job to convince them. I already apologized for calling women leftovers. How come its okay for women to complain but men cannot?
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 If women complain about you all the time, haven't you got the message yet?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Your last post is unclear, what do you mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl I hear women complain all the time. It doesnt bother me.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 March 2012):
I don't think anyone here accused you of just wanting women for sex. Objectifying women, and not showing them respect, isn't related to sex. You can objectify women and not respect them without having sex with them. So stop thinking that this is about whether you want to sleep with them or not. Your disrespect for women isn't about sex, it's about how you treat them and view them. Calling women "left overs" is very judgmental and disrespectful. And that is what people were aiming to tell you.
Women can tell that this is how you view them (the intelligent and confident ones anyway= the sort of women you think are good enough for you). We can. Call it instincts, or a gut feeling, but we know when a guy is a self centered ego trip who views us as trash, or when a guy is genuine and loving. Guess what guy we prefer to be with?
I also know tons of great, brilliant, single girls. None of them "used up" or "left overs". I agree with Miamine, that I think you don't really know what you are talking about. If you aren't there in the bedroom, or the woman herself hasn't told you, then how do you know who sleeps with whom? And how do you manage to keep track of ALL the women in your area?
Listen, I know that if you have high standards you will have to wait around extra long to find someone you judge worthwhile. But show respect to everyone else in the meantime, and rather than say "left overs", say "they're not my taste" or "they're not what I am looking for". I have a friend who was single for ages because of her extremely high standards. Her main problem though was that she felt the guy should make every single move, and didn't start getting dates until I played matchmaker and handed her number out to guys. Anyway, she'd still be single and missing out on a lot of great guys if she hadn't lowered her extreme standards. No men alive were good enough for her, except a Disney prince perhaps.
My point is just that people with high standards, unreasonably high standards, will have to wait a looooong time before they find someone up to their standards. And they'll have to wait even longer to find that high standard person who is also interested in them. Because people who are up to their standards tend to also have high standards... and it's likely that you aren't up to their standards again.. See how it goes?
ps. How would you feel if I said there are no single men left who aren't used up? That would mean you by default are used up, since you are single. Doesn't feel good does it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): Chill out! You're only 21, what's the rush? There'll be plenty of time to meet girls, just be patient.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 March 2012):
 "When I meant used I meant the girls who go and sleep around with one guy only to be with someone else 3 days later"
I'm a bit curious about this statement. What do you mean, sleep with one guy and then go sleep with someone 3 days later. How do you know? Are you in the bedroom watching, or are you talking to these women and that's what they tell you?
Or are you listening to men boasting and talking nonsense about women that you don't know? Don't you know that people lie about sex, and some of them guys boasting are probably virgins or never get anywhere with girls?
Are you talking about normal dating. When people go out for a date, it doesn't work out or they don't suit, so they don't see each other again, but go on dates with different people.
You sure know a whole lot about EVERY SINGLE woman in your town? How much of know is true, or how much is made up or assumed? I've had people talk lots about me before, I enjoy it, it makes me laugh. I can walk with one guy holding hands, and 10minutes later walk by with another guy doing the same thing... Am I having sex with all of them... lol
I don't answer questions about my business, and unless you know these women personally, your just listening to stories and gossip.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 My, my aren't we just a little judgemental about what you think you "deserve" in life? Yes I do think you will always be alone and it sounds like you'll be in the company of the only person you think is worthy of you. Kiss the mirror every day you perfect person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not in this for sex. Yes iam 21 which is young but I want a real relationship that has true feelings. Sex is overrated in my opinion and that's the last thing I ever think about or would ask for if I ever was in one. Yes I mad a bad analogy comparing women as left overs Im sorry.I have never and I mean never used a female in any form. I actually practice what I preach unlike so many others.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (11 March 2012):
 You must be looking in the wrong places, I can name at least 15 young, unattached, intelligent, attractive women who I come into contact with at least once a month.
Your original post sounded very arrogant ... ie no girls good enough for you to date, you may be projecting this impression in real life as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): Does'nt that also mean your A LEFT OVER?
SPUNKY MONKEY
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you everyone for answering. Im not bitter against women, if I was wouldn't I be angry at all the Females that posted on here? I don't want a relationship for sex. Iam a virgin so I really don't have any interest in that. I really do want to be in a relationship but I just want the best for myself. Im not a bum I attend college while holding a good paying job, and launching my career. Ive been told iam very well dressed. I read some post and think I made a mistake even having a set standard for myself but im sorry if I offended anyone. When I meant used I meant the girls who go and sleep around with one guy only to be with someone else 3 days later. Its very hard to find someone who respects themselves. Don't take that as having a bad attitude.
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A
female
reader, gr33ncountry +, writes (10 March 2012):
From personal experience everyone is "crazy" or "damaged" in their own ways. You just have to find the one fits the "crazy" or "damaged" things that make up you.No human being is perfect. We all have some sort of flaw. Some of our own flaws clash with others personalities. Where some of others flaws clash with our personalities.As for girls who have been put down or thrown to the side from other men. Why not be their prince charming? Why just let them on the train of lower self esteem when you could offer them a ride in a beautiful corvette of hopes and dream? Human's are like animals. When they have been abused (emotionally or physically) but their previous owners they may have their full guard on around any other humans. As soon as you show the dog that you are trust worthy and are not going to hurt them they become the sweetest, perfect pet you always dreamed of.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
Your update still doesn't make it better. In your head women are either "leftovers" or "dating material", you don't seem to think of them as "fellow human beings". You only seem to relate to women as objects for you and other men to "use up". Do you actually like women, do you have any friends that are women, that might actually be a start.As long as you have a certain type of thinking about women you won't be able to get a girlfriend. You can't even start to talk to them properly (your post is evidence) without them getting disgusted and walking off.First learn to see women as people who aren't that different from men. Then learn to change your language and your thinking. Then try to learn to talk to girls in a friendly way.... then and only then can you even think about dating. You can set all the standards you want, but if every woman on the planet was a single beautiful virgin, you'd still find it hard to get a date with your current attitude.There are single woman around you, but of course you ignore them because you think your too good for them. No place on earth has every single available woman taken/has issues. It's not lack of availability, it's you that is the problem.
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A
female
reader, heather016 +, writes (10 March 2012):
If women who are 'good enough' for you are the 'good looking' ones as mentioned in your first two sentences, well, the only thing I can say is that beauty fades and really nothing is more important than what's within. Maybe don't think of yourself too high and start treating 'leftovers' with respect. 'leftovers'... seriously? no wonder you aren't dating anyone.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 March 2012):
I had read your update, and it made me think you may be a typical case of juvenile sour grapes. Probably you feel you are not good enough for them, it's painful to handle this feeling and it's easier to pretend they are not good enough for you.
Either that, or, instead, you really believe that you are a cut above all the women you meet, in which case yes, probably you are destining yourself to be alone.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 March 2012):
Regarding your update, I think you're either living at a place with not many women, or you're not widening your horizon. If all women in your area are already settled at 21 then I got to say.. wow. Never heard of that before, not even in traditional and closed systems with arranged marriages.
I don't believe you, to be honest. I don't think that ALL women at 21 are already settled down for good, or useless and allow themselves to be taken advantage of. But then again, I have no idea where you live. Perhaps you really do live in a place with only 20 women in your age group, and all the single and intelligent women have moved away. If so: move after them. That's what men in my area do. If they come from a small place with little or no available women, they move. Then they might move back home again once they are married.
If you can't meet someone in your area that meets your standards you have TWO choices. You either move, or you lower your standards and evaluate what REALLY matters. Having stylish hair? Maybe not so important. Not having kids? Kinda important. Rank your criteria, and when you meet women evaluate if you can live with her having for example greasy hair and not stylish hair, if she meets all your other criteria.
May I also ask you to take a good look at yourself and see if you meet your own standards. You can't expect a high class woman to be with you if you aren't equally high classed. You can't expect a hard working woman if you yourself are a lazy bum, you know. You can't expect a woman with style if you yourself dress like a 12 year old. So before you write women off as not being up to your standards, take a look at yourself and make sure that YOU are up to standard.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (10 March 2012):
 I think at your young age you are missing something in the relationship game. Where are you looking for these perfect women? I happen to have a bright, talented, beautiful young daughter who is 20. She has many friends who are similar. None are in relationships, none are used up and none are bitter towards the world (as you seem to be). They are exposed to young men who are out for one thing and when they don't get it, the possibility of a relationship is nil. But they don't care because they know these "boys" aren't the cream of the crop.
Will you meet one of these bright young women? No, because you really have shut yourself down to the possibility of being open to meet them. You would probably pass them on the street but not see them for what they are. Your world is clouded by your beliefs. (that all women are used up, ugly, etc.) Change your attitude.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (10 March 2012):
 I see you are getting a lot of negative feedback, but I'll just say that you need to change the way you look at things. What is "used" really? Isn't that a very derogatory way to refer to girls who've had relationships? Just because a girl has had a relationship before meeting you doesnt make her a slut, does it now? Going by that logic, girls who know you would call you a loser because of the way that you moan and complain all the time.
Maybe you are just looking at the wrong crowd, trust be the world isnt that bad a place. Have you ever considered that maybe YOU are making the wrong choices because of your attitude? How can you objectify women as "dating material" and "leftovers"? Even if you didn't mean it, do you realize how disgusting it sounds? You are objectifying women and then complaining that no one is good enough for you, but maybe women don't even want to be with you because of the way that you treat them! If this one post of yours is so negative, your behavior in person must be even more obnoxious.
Change the way you look at things, rather than complaining about the sorry state of affairs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): Wow, how can somebody be so immature? What, you thing you are God's gift to women or something? Then how come you don't have a girlfriend? No girl wants a guy like you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 March 2012):
Oh please, get over it. You're not destined to be alone, and you don't know if you're going to be alone for the rest of your life, so quit the drama. Stick it out, meet women, and you'll find someone "worthy" of you sooner or later. Just stop being so melodramatic about it.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 March 2012):
OP, I see you are taking quite a beating on DC, and on second thought, it may not be totally deserved. I think the arrogant crap you wrote comes out mostly by your being young , insecure, inexperienced and .. scared. Of rejection, of women. Of life and future in general. Rather normal at 21.
So I'll try to reassure you by these two quotes, one is high brow and the other lowbrow.
The great writer Marcel, Proust wrote " Let us leave the beautiful women to men devoid of imagination ".
The other is from a rather cynical pretty -boy friend of mine, who used to say : " No contest, the plain Janes are the hottest in bed ".
Why ? Because, apparently , knowing they can't count on their looks to keep a man intrigued , the unattractive girls pull out more passion, initiative ,fantasy, sensuality and stamina in certain situations. They really aim to please.
Hey,Aunts, don't blame me, I know this is a sexist and callous statement . But, it may hold a grain of truth ,....
so OP,don't knock down the less attractive on principle, they might surprise you :)
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 March 2012):
Like everyone else here I am under the impression you are a bored troll, but today I will consider the possibility that people as vain and naive as you do walk the earth.
Well with that attitude you are setting yourself up for failure, which is not such a bad thing considering how little regard you have for other people. They are better off with a man who isn't so hung up on himself as you are. If you have such high standards, you have to first make sure that you meet them yourself.
I doubt you'd have a hard time hooking up with gals if you looked like a young Brad Pitt, even though your personality drags you down. This leaves me to conclude you aren't many gals' 'cup of tea' and therefore belong to the group of 'left-overs' that you despise. The difference between you and them is that they at least don't consider themselves too good for the world. Good luck with that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): I actually agree with you OP. It is good to hear of someone at such a young age that has standards. I think the same yet I am a 43 year old woman. I have only dated beneath me as this is all that is available, otherwise I would have been lonely and sexless my entire life.
Some people are lucky and meet their desired partners and some people have lower needs and standards so are more grateful to date someone with flaws and problems.Some people are indeed destined to be single including myself, so I would embrace it, yet have fun and wear protection, would be my advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): A creep like you definitely doesn't deserve a woman. Sorry for being brutally honest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone please see my update I posted for clarity.Thank You.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 March 2012):
Nobody is "destined" to be alone. But sure that with your attitude and mindset you are engineering things to make sure that it will be so !
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
So your not a troll, and your not kidding, your just a egotistical kid who thinks that your gods gift or something... at 21 or 201 I'm surprised if any woman even wants to shake your hand let alone date you.
You got disgusting manners and your offensive to ALL women.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 March 2012):
 When I was young, I learned one thing: Take what you can get. Some were the hottest, but most were average in looks. The average were always the best. With your attitude, you do need to get used to being alone.
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male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (10 March 2012):
Yes "Aunty", I agree; either that or this post is utter bullshit!
However, on the outside chance that there actually is some substance to it, let me say that it is never too late.
At my advanced years (Nope, I'm not saying how many), I found my soulmate, truly the most wonderful woman in the Universe.
No way is she a remnant, also-ran or leftover, but the prettiest and most perfect 26-year-old (age when we met) that you could ever wish to find.
I have hit the jackpot, and the absolute best has already been taken, but there will be the next best around for you somewhere, OP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): You feel like u owe it to yourself.... Perhaps u haven't found what you seek bc it u yourself fall short n you don't come close enough so it continues to evade you. Wisen up and who knows maybe something good may happen.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): agree, surely you must be a troll to ask such a question..
are you serious? Im sure the females of the world would love to be regarded as used up, broken and leftovers? and you, you are soooo hot and desirable and considerate that every young woman should want to be with or date you? you are 21! you have years ahead of you to meet someone, maybe if you showed some respect you would, and if you only judge women based on looks and think of them as worn out leftovers, instead of looking at whats on the inside, the personality, and the heart then yes, you will be and derserve to be alone. grow up!! theres so much more to ppl, men and woman than looks alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): With an attitude like that, you don't need to worry about dating ANY woman, let alone one of the "caliber" you apparently demand ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat in the world is a troll? How in the world iam I kidding? Im guessing since I did type this at the moment of frustration I used bad diction. To clarify my original post I just meant that what do you do when your 21 and you see girls that don't meet your standards.Half the girls I know have kids and the other half are in relationships. The only ones that are single with no kids are women who let themselves get used by guys constantly thus referring to them as "Leftovers". I know that's not a really nice way to label them its just that's what they are left overs from guys who use them. Ive tried to look at them as dating material but they are so angry at the world and have many issues. You can call me a late bloomer because I really didn't start looking until I was 20. Im sorry if you or anyone else thought I was a "troll". If you could respond in kind I would appreciate it. :)
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (10 March 2012):
Troll o loll o troll lol loll
either that or you are kidding right?
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