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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is so... argh! I can't quite describe just how angry he makes me!See, I broke his trust, because last year I told him I wouldn't talk to this certain guy who used to have a crush on me anymore. But the thing is said guy is in my class. So last year I talked to him a couple of times, and I didn't tell my boyfriend. But I told him this year and he got upset.Now, I offered myself to make classes to the freshmen. These are optional classes to reinforce the contents of freshman year. The guy in question isn't a frehsman, he's a sophmore like me. But my boyfriend told me that if I start giving these lessons, he'll start going partying every weekend. I said it's unfair, as I'm going to work, not fool around. He said he thinks it's fair, as this guy could perfectly go to my classes. I said that these are classes for the freshmen, plus if it were for that, I'd have to stop going to uni altogether! He said it's different, because I can't control who are my classmates, but I do control whether or not I give classes to others. That I should've thought about all this before I offered myself to teach.I tried explaining that this guy isn't a frhesman, etc, but he just won't listen to him it's deal or no deal! He said this is the price I have to pay for having tlaked to that guy. What can I do?
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male
reader, JTalbott  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Guys in your age group tend to be irrationally jealous. The good news is that with time we become calmer.
Just consider this a little life lesson, the wisest thing to do is to keep quiet about things that cause jealously.
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Sounds like there's something more going on in your boyfriend's head. He's obviously incredibly insecure and very worried about you cheating on him. Did you ever kiss this guy, or did he ever try to kiss you? Is there something more that happened that you haven't revealed? If not, then he's got really, really low self-esteem, maybe he's been cheated on in the past, or maybe he just really doesn't like himself.
You shouldn't have lied to him about it, first off, because when you lie about something it calls everything you've ever said into question. You say, "I talked to him last year, and hid it from you" and he thinks, "what else is she hiding?"
So... learn from this and try to be completely honest with him from now on. The trust has been damaged.
He is definitely overreacting, he's got deeper issues that he needs to deal with. Don't give in to his petty negotiations, tell him that this is a job that you want to do and that he needs to learn to trust you or the relationship will never work out. Tell him that even if this guy did go to your classes, that it doesn't mean you have feelings for him or that anything will happen. He's being ridiculous.
Let him go off and party- call his bluff. If he has half a brain he'll back down sooner or later. Just tell him you're perfectly okay with it. Being laidback and calm in the face of all his whining will probably stun him back to his senses. If not, let him party, what can it hurt? He won't cheat, and if he does, he probably would have eventually any way when you guys had a disagreement...
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 I see this trust issue as being petty. Just because you talked to this guy? Seriously. What kind of relationship is this if he gets jealous of a guy that has a thing for you. He should be flattered. Now he's trying to control you by threatening you by going partying? (which is COMPLETLY different than working, voluneering or not). Seems like he is threatening you so he can run off and cheat. You are MUCH more likely to cheat on someone by making yourself available at a party where there might be drinking or drugs, then in a classroom. Keep that in mind, and make sure you tell him that there is a HUGE difference in a party and a classroom. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 I don;t mean to be disrespectful - but is he kidding? Either there is more to your "talking" with this guy than you are saying or your BF has some major insecurities and trust issues that he really should address!
What you describe sounds completely unreasonable to me - and no relationship should be based on ultimatums. IF you had done something that was a breach of your trust - then MAYBE I could understand why he is asking you to not put yourself in a "vulnerable" position again....but that isn't the picture you're painting. His threats are really juvenille too - just not the way to go about solving problems!!
If I were you I would call your BF on this complete over-reaction and tell him he has no right to put such conditions on your relationship. You may have encouraged that student which is not OK...but you sound like you have taken every step needed to not be around him and have been very transparent with your BF. At some point he is going to have to trust you again - it's not like you will never be around males again.
I think you're right to be angry about this....I say take the job, tell your BF how important he is to you and that you will not do anything to risk what you two have again...but that he is going to have to trust you - and let you prove that he can! If you don;t take the job it won;t change anything... it is just a matter of time before this all comes up again, you need to address the underlying issues now one way or another!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Aeval +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Your BF sounds like a control freak, not to mention behaves like a child. You didn't cheat you only spoke to this guy he needs to grow up, Do whats best for you and get rid of this looser!
Best of luck
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