A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I've been wondering this for a while now and maybe it's true maybe it's not but I have watched it happen to alot of people, heard famous songs about it, even watched it in movies and those movie ideas had to of come from someone. What I'm tring to say is do bad relationships with your parents effect your relationship with your lover?Hypothetical situations:A) Tina has a strong relationship with both of her parents as does Jake her lover they also have a strong faithfull trusting marrige.b) Kristy has a terrible relationship with her father, parents divorced, yet she is attracted to people just like him causing her the same pain she feels with her father.c)Dan does not know his father but knows of him and his 100 other half siblings, his mother is happily married for the 3d time. In his love relationship he gets a lot of woman pregnant just like his father and never finds that unconditional lover that he dreams of.d) Martha has a great relationship with her father and an abusive one with her mother. She has been married for 6 years but abususes her daughter just like her mother.e)kevin has a great relationship with his mother and treats her like a queen he also does this for the woman he dates.ect.does anyone see where I'm going with this?are thses kind of statistics true? if so what do you do if you have a bad relationship with a parent and how do you go about having a good relationship with out being destined to follow in there footsteps?
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female
reader, twinkletoes30  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 i dont think this is the case... well, im my case it isnt anyway! I have a great relationship with 2 loving parents, married 34 years, and i attract all kinds of scum. Current situation - his parents are married 42 years, hes cheating on me with online girls.. i just seem to attract these kind of men.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Destined, no. More likely, yes.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (13 April 2010):
It's an interesting point.
I think the more that we're educated- both by modern pet-psychology (of ill-treatment and of history repeating itself etc) and by our parents changing/ ending/ learning from their relationship and aware of the negatives in the relationships, the more we can become aware of the importance not to repeat them.
My mum left my abusive father, and there's no way that either my sister or I would stay or put up with an abusive partner. Had she not left him, we would have remained largely uneducated about how bad the relationship was, since it would not have been talked about freely, as it was after they separated.
So when people say don't stay together just for the kids- listen to them!
Has something specific prompted you to ask the question?
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Yeah, I've seen that happen a lot, actually. Abused children abuse their families, daughters become like their mothers, etc. Heck, even from my own experiences with a single mother and a deadbeat dad, I wound up putting women on pedestals and disrespecting men.
Kids learn what their parents do more than what their parents say. Sometimes they rebel and do the exact opposite, but yeah, I've seen what you noticed.
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A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (13 April 2010):
 I think it's possible for upbringing to influence everything about us, but ultimately, everything we do, see and experience throughout our entire lifespan has the same impact. As a result, I'd like to believe that how we are raised is just one of many things that dictate future relationships. You can't rule out our peers, role models and television. But if we jump back to upbringing and BAD relationships in particular, exposure to a negative atmosphere, for example Dan's, can actually result in the opposite ie. I didn't know my dad but my children deserve better.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 April 2010):
 History does repeat itself over and over again. Each person should treat others as they want to be treated and find ways to break free from this cycle. Just like your statistics are true, there are also people who have broken off the chain and chose how to live there own life.
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