A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi recenty my girlfriend started doing burlesque shows. i think it's just a way for her to get on stage and strip to her under wear and talk dirty with a room full of strangers. is it wrong that i don't like it, i haven't told her out right cause she just says it for a laugh but i dont understand why she wants a room full of drunk guys ogling her. whats worse is its making me less attracted to her cause she get new lingerie all the time for the show and then says its just for me but we both know it's not true cause lots of people are going to see her half naked in it, also i she wont talk dirty to me in bed but she'll get on stage and talk filth. i always had the feeling she never enjoyed sex unless someone could hear or accidentally walk in on us but that stopped when we got our own place and a few months later she started the shows.my question is am i wrong to not like this, should i tell her how i feel and what should i do cause i think this is going to end everything even thought she says she loves me i just don't think i'm enough for her.
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Ohhhh baby! Carly Fiorina! I would like to see her do a a hostile takeover at a strip pole. I would shove all 3 dollars I have in her Kevlar panties.
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (19 November 2009):
Ipthhh alwiiiight Q all Im bether now...sniff sniff
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):
You have every right to be upset- she is selling her sexuality for other people's entertainment. She can fool herself with all this self talk about empowerment, but you dont see the Angela Merkels and Carly Fiorinas of the world up on stage in their underwear for the amusement of drunks.
This chick obviously has issues. If she can't give up this non-career then you would be well advised to get out now. She'll just get more unstable over time.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (18 November 2009):
On the serious side:
You probably wont be happy with this relationship. It sounds like she enjoys being the center of attention more than trying to really give what it takes to build something of value.
On the funny side:
My first experience of burlesque was a traumatic one. After enough shots of tequila to kill a horse I jumped upon the bar and ripped off my shirt and started singing Neil Diamond's "Coming to America". A shot glass came from nowhere and chipped my tooth.
This has not deterred me in the least from living my dream of karaoke stardom although the funny smile and lispy way of singing has slowed me down a bit.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 November 2009):
 You know, I did this for a little while and it was a BLAST. It lets you embrace that sexual power, and learn how to use it. You feel like a fox and it's a major confidence booster. And no, you don't look at the crowd of guys like, "hmmm, which one shall I pick tonight?" - they're just a pool of idiots sloshed together, entranced by you. It's not interpersonal... and hey - it's just plain fun. I was dating my boyfriend (now husband), and he got a real kick out of it. Sometimes he'd even bring his pals, and we always had a lot of fun with it.
She is definitely doing this for HER, and it sounds like you're just going to have to make a choice - can you handle this, or will it drive you crazy? And there's no shame if it would drive you crazy, that's just who you are and it's just how you feel. I don't think anyone can argue with you there and tell you it's not okay to feel uncomfortable. But, it's also no good if you tell her she's forbidden to do it - it's her life, her body and her form of sexual expression. She can do that as she pleases.
Talk about it. There could be a really easy solution right in front of you, or maybe she'll end up saying, "oh, I had no idea you felt like that. I don't mind stopping". Or, maybe she'll ease all your worries. You just need to open up and be honest with her.
Good luck, sweetness!!
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A
female
reader, rednails  +, writes (18 November 2009):
Sounds to me that she needs this added attention to feel sexual, and you aren't doing it for her. I'd suggest telling her your feelings as she's not a mind reader and asking her to stop for the time being with the burlesque. Try giving her compliments when she makes an effort, say she looks beautiful and gorgeous and make her feel confidnet about herself. Spoil her with something like a backrub etc. and dont make it lead automatically to sex, just do it because you love her and that will mean alot to her. I personally see nothing wrong with burlesque and it seems you also have some insecurities you may need to work on....
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Personally I wouldn't be willing to date a burlesque dancer. I just know it would make me unhappy.
You need to make your feelings clear. If she prefers you to the job you'll stay together, if she prefers the job to you, then you won't.
It's her choice, but you have to give her that choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I think you and her see this very differently. For her it sounds like it's what she enjoys for herself, to make her feel sexy, and that the dancing gives her confidence and makes her feel good about herself. Also I think she believes you like this! Women have this idea that our man will love us more when other men want us, and when we do erotic dancing or perform wild sex. Burlesque dancing is better called erotic dancing than stripping if you ask me.
She is entitled to do what she pleases with her own body, and although this might not be coined as cheating in the general meaning of the word, it's in the grey zone. If this makes you uncomfortable, just let her know. If this is something not so important to her she can find something else to make her feel sexy. Like having these shows only for you?
However it might be that she is interested in a more open life style than you. In that case, you would be trying to tame a wild being, it will make her unahppy, and you unhappy, because she probably never can be domesticated.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 If it makes you uncomfortable, having a burlesque stripper as a girlfriend isn't for you. No woman who works in the sex industry is incapable of having a different line of work, no matter what they say. They just, (usually), can't get a job that pays as much for their limited skills. On the off-chance that she's a student and it's paying her fees, ("I'll stop when I finish college"), ask yourself what all the other girls who DON"T resort to this do. Would she put up with you flaunting/throwing yourself at women for a living? Think hard about the person you want to spend your life with and what they do to enhance YOUR life. :)
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (18 November 2009):
 No I don't think you are wrong for not being happy with this. Its a very natural reaction.
However, you need to tell her how you feel about it. You need to explain why you don't like it so she can understand.
If she then continues to dance then you will have to decide whether your relationship can deal with it. If you can't and she refuses to stop then you know what needs to be done.
Good luck, keep us updated :)
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