A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I met this guy via the local community (he is a community beat policeman) when I was having some problems and he asked me out for a drink so I went. He seems quite nice in some ways if a little 'weak'. However apparently he has quite a temper and was therefore removed from certain duties by his boss so he stays in the community office and works 9-5 etc .. Anyway we went on a date and we were chit chatting about sixth form and A levels cos we both have kids about to start AS levels and I made a comment about the new systems for students that are being discussed (I was at a parent teacher evening recently and it was all being discussed there) and the comment I made was perfectly normal and reasonable and he suddenly said 'you do talk SHIT sometimes you know' so I was a bit put out then he started hovering around saying 'sorry' and being ultra nice. Then, the other night he came round and I've noticed he only brings films he wants to watch, often old weird ones about murder and horror etc etc .. not mainstream ones. We were sitting on the sofa and he said to me 'I am only doing this because I am bored' and then he said 'I am NOT prepared to give up my ex/leave for good' - I was shocked cos I thought this was quite a brutal thing to say. He was with his ex for years (before that he was married but it was a disaster by all accounts) and apparently he and his ex still have some connectinos with each other. One of my friends thinks he sounds a bit of an 'odd guy' .. does anyone have any helpful comments they could give?? Surely this is not normal behaviour with someone you've been dating for just a few weeks?? He also commented to me that he would like me to lose some weight (I am about a size 16 and I am told I look good, good but curvy if you see what I mean) and I am trying to lose a bit of weight but I'm quite tall and I really look after myself in all ways, am clean, swim every week, keep my hair and skin nice etc .. He is about ten years older than me at 52 but he acts like he is a young man it seems! Any comments would be very much appreciated. Am I overreacting or he is a bit odd?? Thanks so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Listen to what people are saying here, I can't believe you don't already know the answer, but then again I do see how you can be confused.He most likely is a sociopath. He has a personality disorder. People like him are masters at manipulation, they can say cruel things in a way that sounds like honey, they mirror your emotions instead of having their own, they are incapable of deep emotions, instead they study you, pour themselves into a container that you can accept and then test their boundaries by saying ridiculous things like I am not giving up so and so, which sort of sounds like they are almost commiting to being with you, but damn it don't exect them to never see this other woman...He's a pscho. Run as fast as you can, change your phone number and tell him you died. Just don't have aything to do with him. If you are afraid of being direct. Then bore him to death, don't act the least bit interested in him, don't solve his problems, answer his questions or do anything with him or for him....he will go away and bother someone else.He picked you because you are a little too lonely, a little too naive, a little too trusting and a nice, loyal giving woman. Perfect pickings for a psychopath. And if you have any money or real estate, even better.Google sociopath and read the signs. Or even Borderline Personality Disorder. Check out my article on this site, Relationship Red Flags, there are some great links there to start with.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): This guy sounds like a scary character to know. Run away as fast as you can and be wary he is not stalking you after you dump him. He actually thinks he owns you, judging by hids put downs.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 March 2010):
 If he looked like Freddie Kruegar would you wanna continue to date him?
Amazing isn't it that we can't ignore ugliness on the surface but weird, creepy, abusive, derogatory, cruel, sly and agressive behaviour...we go into denial and pretend it isn't happening.
Please get rid of him, he sounds like a nightmare.
AEx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): You already know the answer. In a short period of time that you've known this man, he's already shown himself to be emotionally abusive. All the signs are there - criticising and trying to change your appearance, insulting your intelligence and conversation, putting his interests before yours. He's also taken advantage of his professional position. Perhaps, given how you met, he thinks he's found someone who was vulnerable and could be easily manipulated?
I've seen the fall-out from abusive relationships; relationships that stared with seemingly small warning signs that individually don't seem cause for ditching someone, but which collectively and over years amount to severe and crippling emotional abuse.
My partner was on the receiving end of similar behaviour from an ex and the impact on my partner and on us now, two years on, is still severe. PLEASE, don't put yourself in this position.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (11 March 2010):
 This guy is weird, and selfish. He doesnt have any interest in you and I suspect he is lying about his job too (ask to see his warrant card LOL)
Do yourself a favour and find a man who appreciates you better. You will get nowhere with this one.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
It's important that you leave now. This is a sign of a VERY controlling, unstable man who has serious issues. Not to put fine point to it, but you're the ELEVENTH woman on here who has asked about her policeman boyfriend's behaviour. It would appear that there are certain jobs that attract those that are unstable, and the police seem to be one. Certainly give the information you have on his removal from duties would suggest that he is severely unstable. You must end it with this man now.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (11 March 2010):
 sounds to me like he has a few physcological problems.you know he has a temper,he only likes watching murder films,what he said about his ex is odd too but the fact that you have only been seeing him for a couple of weeks and he is insulting you rather than complimenting you is really strange and telling you to loose weight well thats just rude but after a couple of weeks who gives him teh right to say something like that,that just seems controlling if you ask me.i think you should cut all ties with this man sounds like maybe he could cause harm to people and if its like this now with the man then imagine how itd get further along down the line get out why you still can
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 From the first time he made the comment that you talk shit you should've run. He is at the very least emotionally abusive. Why in the world are you still talking to him??? It's only been a couple weeks and he is asking you to lose weight? Yet he isn't going to get over his ex for you even? He is more than odd, he is a complete ass. The fact that he only brings around movies he likes is another sign he is controlling. Please run. He has a lot of issues and is just mean. Why put yourself through it? I'm not at all surprised he was removed from his job because of his temper. That should be another sign to you... He actually sounds a lot like my ex. He was weak and even a little whipped but had the worst temper and it could come from nowhere, then a second later he would be apologizing. It was terrifying and when I would say how it made me feel he would tell me I was overreacting and he isn't scary to anyone. I don't know what else to tell you besides I truly hope you listen to this advice, and I'm sure everyone else will say the same, to leave this guy. It will get worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): he sounds like a very controlling man i think the proof is that it had affected his work if i was u i wud stop seeing him befor things go too far
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