A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf broke my heart a year ago by lying and meeting up with his ex/saving half-naked photos of her on his computer. We made up and he's been good since then.My trust is SLOWLY starting to build up, but by no means is it there yet. He suddenly announced he was going on a boys holiday and I just burst into tears [I guess it was the trust issues] and he said I was more important than any holiday and he wouldn't go if I was uncomfy. I now feel like a right horrible person but I literally could not stop the tears. What do I do? Am I an awful person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Yes telling your boyfriend he can't go on holiday with his friends is childish, but when he's been unfaithful to her in the past and betrayed her in such a horrible way, it is NOT childish. If he wants to be with her, he should be doing everything in his will to earn her trust back. If he doesn't want to be with her, fine, he can go on the holiday.
You can't just 'start' trusting someone, to start trusting someone again can take a VERY long time. Sometimes months, years or in some cases never again. It's not going to happen over night.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (18 January 2011):
OP I don't think you are a bad person at all for your response, and moreover it is easy to understand why you feel the way you do.However, I think this issue flags up a deeper issue in your relationship, basically, that you cannot trust him properly. Not being able to trust your partner is, more me, a massive warning sign that perhaps the relationship just isn't the right one for you. I know you are trying to get things back on track, but, at least from my personal experience, things are never quite the same once trust has been lost. What happens, for example, if he has to go away for work, or to see family, or whatever, and you can't go? You cannot have him by your side all the time. A properly functioning relationship is based on mutual trust, but you do not have this, even after a year. Plus, look at your reaction after a year- you are seriously upset. That is not healthy.This whole trust issue is a massive burden for you to have to carry around with you. Okay, this time he has said he won't go. What about next time? Will you be equally upset again? I just think you are putting yourself through a lot of heart ache because of your bf's past behaviour, and judging by your reaction here it isn't going to get better quickly. Now, I'm not saying your reaction is wrong or out of place in any way. What I'm try to say is, is this guy worth it? Is he worth getting so upset over? I'm not sure that anyone is worth all these tears, especially if you are not married.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 my husband lied to me and if he told me he was going on a boy's holiday without a good reason (like he was going with his race team racing and I'd be able to verify this) I would tell him NO you can't go. and if he said he would not go I'd say FINE.... why... because my husband has lied so much and he has said fine I won't go to try to guilt me into letting him go do what he wanted to do.
If you are not married and you still don't trust him.... think long and hard about why you stay in the relationship.
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female
reader, destiny12 +, writes (17 January 2011):
you did the right thing. He might of went to see his ex if you think your horrible I dont see a reason.=]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): A boyfriend should never have this much control over your emotions and be able to dismantle your life so easily and keep you living on edge. If it's that bad...then something is very wrong. Keeping someone glued to your side will make them resent you and you can either let them be where they want to be or or just end it. If its been a year and you still can't trust him to the extent you are keeping him from his friends, it's time to let him go.
It's often said if you forgive someone and take them back, you can't hold the past over their head.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Totally agree with CaringGuy. He's supposed to be working hard to win back your trust right now; and that means jumping through hoops and doing EVERYTHING in order to win back that trust.
Boys holidays with single men involved can lead to egging each other on to get into whatever the others agree to do; not exactly the situation that you want him in right now. He needs to prove himself trustworthy and responsible. You are not an awful person for worrying; his past behavior is why you are having this reaction and you should be able to veto a boy's trip if you know for a fact that there is a troublemaker in the group.
If he gives you a bad time about this, it's probably more that he is afraid of looking pussy-whipped in front of his friends. Just remind him this isn't the case here; he owes it to you to prove himself and as CaringGuy said; it's the least he can do in trying to make things up to you. After all, not going on this one trip isn't the end of the world and you did give him a second chance.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2011):
No, of course you're not an awful person. You've been cheated on, and having been cheated on, that means you get to pull rank if you want to. You weren't the one who cheated here, you're the one who was good enough to give him a second chance.
You still do seem to have major trust issues, even after a year, which is an indication that this relationship needs more effort from both sides. Therefore, I'd suggest that you explain if he does go away, you need him to be working harder with you because you still have trust issues. Or, if you so wish, tell him that you're not yet comfortable with him going on a boy's holiday. Given that he's supposed to be working hard here for you, it's the least he can do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Don't worry about it not wanting him to go away and it doesn't make you a bad person. Although you do need to understand that guys sometimes need to have some time with the guys, they may very well talk about YOU! Don't take that in a bad way he's probably going to tell them how much he loves you. Things to find out is where he's going, who he's going with, and even when he's away check in with him by calling or something or tell him to call you. I do think, however, that he is a major jerk for hooking up with an ex gf and doing those things and I detest guys who do that. Its really up to you. If you cant trust him how will your relationship progress? I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Under the circumstances you are not awful. He broke your trust and this is what breaking trust causes. People are either cheat or they are loyal. I am standing as a stranger,no idea who you and him are. By what you have said,I believe if something is put in front of him,he knows you will never find out,then he will cheat.
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reader, EPocket  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 not at all . ur r great ;)
i`d enjoy my woman jealousy cause it only shows that she loves me and care abt me :) even if its annoying sometimes :P but believe me once the relationship goes without jealousy .. it get sooo boring :)
as of wat i read . they guy showed his good will and love and honestly "in a way" give him his chance :) if he kept it . he kept u .. if not :S god knows how his life would be .
do not tie him up to u cause he may ... want to get away and then things will go in a wrong direction . sadly
nothing bad abt you and nothing bad if u convinced him not to go to this holiday and made one for u and him ;) . to solve things out and am sure u both would get more fun
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): When a relationship has trust issues, then there is serious problems - As you've proven. You bursting into tears because your boyfriend said he's going on a holiday with friends, is a serious problem.You need to ask yourself if this relationship is worth it, because it certainly doesn't seem it to me. To be honest I don't think you're being horrible/out of order at all for being upset and not wanting him to go on this holiday. He's lucky enough he got another chance with you, I know I certainly wouldn't of gave him one as quite frankly he didn't deserve one.He should be doing everything in his will to earn back your trust. Not going on holiday with his friend's away from you where he could be getting up to ANYTHING, knowing you'll be extremely paranoid.You need to have a think if he's really worth you feeling this way for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way, if it were me in this situation, i'd be worried too.
I would explain to him that you don't want him to go because of the trust issues (but put it more nicely than that), and you'd rather him stay with you and to prove you worng that he can be trusted.
My personal opinion is, if there's no trust in a relationship, then there's no future for it.
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female
reader, Princess Aunty  +, writes (17 January 2011):
You seem to be a really emotional girl. But if i was in your place i would have been more cautious in this relation
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