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female
age
30-35,
*rincessmamma
writes:My almost two year old is driving me crazy she wont listen at all. Ive tried spanking time out everything even when i spank her and tell her no i say this is why u got in trouble i dont want u doing this anymore she still does it. Help idk what to do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JippySad  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 try to find a kind of regular routine in life, so that the child knows what to expect, by the rhythm of the day and the rituals. Maybe find someone who wants to share the responsibility with you, involve the father in someway, when possible, or your parents, so you can have some more time for yourself. And know, that it will change over time as they grow up. Read a few good books on childcare, which will help you now, to prevent more difficulties later. When you do your homework now, you can avoid many problems to come, really!
Good luck.
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reader, advisorX  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 its normal for a toddler to have such behavior, they cant seems to understand you well yet. A 4 yr old child is even harder to handle. You really need extra patience. That's why being parents are not easy.
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reader, Princessmamma +, writes (3 December 2010):
Princessmamma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the bit about toddlers n puppies being somewhat alike i see ure point ya it really aggravates me when she yells at me but i will try some of the things u suggested thank u. And for the clapping and cheering havent tried that one yet. And yes i have little time to spend with my daughter bcuz i go to this stupid place called worksource im on tanf and im required to do it in order to recieve my money. She goes to daycare fairly early and i leave for ws i dont get home til usually around 2 pm and then its her down for a routine nap and then when she wakes up its dinner time. Then we play in the bath get out she plays with her toys n we sing our itsy bitsy spider she reads me a book n by that time its off to bed bcuz we have to get up early again the next morning. It sucks though really n i have twins on the way so its gonna be even harder to spend time with my princess i do the best that i can though. Thanks for all the advice
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reader, Princessmamma +, writes (3 December 2010):
Princessmamma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. And im not beating my child i love her to death and hate spanking and time out and all that stupid stuff but she does need to be patted on the butt sometimes and told no. Alot of the stuff she knows what shes doing and knows that its bad. Like throwing food screaming at me when she doesnt get what she wants. I was beat when i was a child thats why i hate so much spanking her. Sometimes she listens sometimes she doesnt ive tried taking bad things away and distracting with others such as toys ect. I tell her go get ure bear read to him this one works sometimes unless shes really pissed which is usually when shes fighting her sleep i say go get ure bottle (which she should not still be on cant ween her away from that one either) and ure nigh night and when she brings them to me i say ok now go lay in mommys bed its time for a nap. She does this but sometimes fights in when she doesnt fight it she wakes up in a better mood for a bit then back to the same.ure right in the sense that shes two but damn lol shes a little turd. I love her to death though.
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reader, Nime +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I hope you don't take offense to this, but a full grown dog's intelligence and psychological state is on par with a two year old human's, and many useful dog training methods have been designed with that fact in mind. The same methods can and have been applied successfully to toddlers.A two year old and an untrained dog have many of the same goals, in particular, to hold your attention and to see how much they can get away with from you, their servant. One of the ways they do this is through throwing tantrums. This will not only get your attention, but will likely also get you to reward them in order to make them stop their tantrum. It's a winning situation for them, but awful for you to deal with. In order to rid a dog or child of 'toddler tantrum' behavior one can use a technique called NILIF (Nothing In Life Is Free) to assert the fact that you do not exist just to serve and that, in fact, you serve no one who does not deserve it. Essentially, the dog or child is rewarded with the very basics (such as opening a door for her, handing her a snack or giving a hug, all when asked) in exchange for good behavior. For example, I don't open the door for my dog unless she first sits quietly and gives me eye contact. Throwing a ball, giving her access to her food bowl and even petting her (when she's begging for it) all require some token of good behavior like obeying a simple command or acting calmly. In your case, you might not agree to let your child out of her crib until she stops screaming and asks politely. If she wants to climb all over your lap in public you keep her off until she's composed and asks politely if you will pick her up. You must do this consistently and show her NOTHING comes free, and she will learn very quickly what kind of behavior, the good kind, earns her the things she wants. Do not make the mistake of offering new toys or special rewards as her incentive for good behavior. This is bribery, and will only teach the child how to manipulate you. Good behavior is a basic requirement of everyone and should not be something you must 'earn' from your child. She is the one who must do the earning. In the same vein, bad behavior should not be 'punished'. I see many people make the following mistake with their toddler: she starts screaming for attention and in order to avoid a scene, the mother yells at her or tries to reason with her to make her behave. This is a REWARD; the child is being REWARDED with mommy's attention for her bad behavior. Do not acknowledge this type of behavior with negative attention OR bribery. If she wants to scream for 45 minutes, let her; ignore her. Do not cave in or she will learn that it now takes 45 minutes of screaming to finally get your attention, and she will do it. Also do not think I'm suggesting that you can never hug or show affection to your child unless she asks politely or is on her best behavior. You are free to do these things spontaneously, on your own initiative, as much as you like. The point here is to request good behavior first in exchange for everything she ASKS for (either verbally or through screaming, pointing, pulling, etc.). You can decide to hug your own child any time you want, but if she's asking for one, as toddlers often do when you're busy talking to a friend or working over the computer, for example, she needs to earn it through good behavior. I've found success using these methods with both dogs and young children I've babysat. Many have been amazed by the kind of good behavior and respect I can get out of their unruly dogs and children in a relatively short amount of time, without the use of punishment, threats, bribes or ever raising my voice. I know it may sound a bit cruel to demand 'payment' for something as simple as a hug, but it really does work and if you're really at your wit's end, I recommend trying these techniques.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): My daughter does the same thing, she is also 2. Time outs don't seem to work so I've resorted to both a rewards system of clapping and cheering when she behaves well and taking away her favorite toy when she doesn't. The toy is especially effective because I keep it in view but she cannot play with it due to bad behavior. I would not do this for very long bit enough so she gets the point.
Perhaps she is acting out because she wants more of your time? I've also tried the library as an incentive for good behavior. Rewards go a long way. Goodluck.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Instead of punishing her for doing something wrong, treat her for something she does right. She will then continue doing the right things in an attempt to seek approval.
I hope that helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Your two year old won't listen because she is 2. If she were 32 she might have enough wisdom to listen to you, but generally between the ages of 2 and 28 or so, people don't listen to each other, especially their parents. Get used to that. The problem is not your daughter's behaviour, which is normal. The problem is that you let her behaviour drive you crazy. Try not to be angry or frustrated with her actions, try to treat her with love despite the fact that she will not listen. Its difficult, a real trial, but your anger and frustration won't change her behaviour and will probably make it worse as she seeks your attention, so you may as well change your experience, its the only thing you can control. Good luck.
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reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 lol i know its hard right now but one day you will look back on this fondly. she is two and just figuring out she has an opinion, even if she cant really speak it. she is going to defy you and test her bounderies. i commend you on actually punishing your daughter. most parents look down on this or are afraid to but i always felt that for a child to learn they need to have concequences for their actions. be brave it will get better ( or worse depending on how you look at it) maybe take some time for yourself, go out for a ladies night or on a date, you are frustrated and thats normal. were all here for you
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reader, heartbrokenhelper +, writes (3 December 2010):
 oh dont spank .. it only adds paranoia and a fear of you. into that toddler
teach by example. but also teach by talking(find educational stories to tell her..)
but yea it will get better. most 2yr olds are like that...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Do not try and reason with them. Children are nto to be reasoned with.
They are to be told. And then they do.
And never make a threat you are unwilling to follow through with. This will teach them to disregard any further threats as they see you are unlikely to live up to them.
Bluffing never works with kids.
Just keep any punishments regular, and any awards the same. Do not EVER give into their tantrums, no matter where or how bad they are.
Flynn 24
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reader, JippySad +, writes (3 December 2010):
Well, I remember when I got spanked, that did not make me feel more interested in listening closely to what you had to say?I actually have never been spanked by my parents.As a parent now, I find myself sometimes in distress and taking resort to some more physical kinds of communication. It seems to want to justify itself, but in the depth of truth, I know that spanking is just when I feel helpless. It is not going to make your situation better.I get angry and frustrated when my relation to my partner somehow brings my out of balance. That energy of frustration then transfers itself to the child, unfortunately!I will say, the problem is not the child and spanking is only going to make your life worse, very sad.Stop spanking and take some parental advice from professionals. Get yourself into a situation where you feel loved and cared for, so you can settle down and feel more relaxed now. Just imagine yourself, being totally relaxed, loved, cared for. How much does the childs behaviour upset you now? What is that child truely doing wrong, except not fullfilling your expectations? Expect from a child to be like a child. Like when you were a child, were you beaten badly everytime you tried out something new in the world?We learned, that such behaviour that you do not wants, goes away when you do not pay any attention to it. Love will nurture a behaviour, punishment may seem to work, but it is still a kind of (negative) reward to the behaviour. If you can ignore it and do something else for yourself, consequently, it will change and go away. But, counsel yourself too, ask why is this truly bad behavior for a two years old child?Most frustrating for a parent is, when you find yourself doing things, you do not like yourself to be.The child learns to love (you) when you love it. Love is all. Always check that your punishment is less then your love. Otherwise, you do not have a right to punish.Relax, ask advice of professionals, do not worry, try to induce new behavior by playing and remember, "no" is just a word, a sound, that only gets meaning once you understand the full context of this word.The child is two! Pick it up, forgive yourself and love it, like you would want to be loved yourself.Be strong.Thank you.Children are our teachers. They teach us about what we least know about ourselves. What comes up in relation to a child, watch it, because it can tell you a lot about yourself.
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reader, Sissy 1992 +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Its the terrible twos most two year olds do that. It will get better.
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