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... Send *asteofIndia a private message | | | *asteofIndia's profile:TasteofIndia here. I'm 33 years old, with my BA in Theater & Psychology. I suppose you could say that I have studied people and how to get into their heads. I've been here on Dear Cupid for well over a decade. I love Dear Abby, Ann Landers, all those advice giving goddesses... when I found this website how could I resist?? (Couldn't.) I love Dear Cupid, love being a moderator and love giving advice when I can!!
A lot of people ask if I'm from India... just to clear things up, I'm not. I'm not Indian, I just really liked that song by Aerosmith when I first made this account. I've never been to India. I'm not even an Aerosmith fan, really, but I really liked that song at the time.
I've been with my fella for 14 years, married for 10. We have two cool daughters and a pretty cool life that involves lots of adventure, art and laughter.
I adore: positivity, theater, llamas, fromage, sweatpants, earrings, and sitcoms. That just about sums it up... |
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I want to send my friend a letter
Q. Hi guys im really confused and in a place where i require some sort of guidance at the moment, I'm thinking of sending this to a friend who lives in Victoria (I live in Western Australia) and we've known each other for six years whereas she hasn't ...
A. 21 December 2013: Hey there,
I personally wouldn't send this. It'll just create a bunch of drama. Are you just disappointed that you don't see this friend very much? If you want to rekindle the friendship, this is a really passive-aggressive way to do it. Why not ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's okay to wish my ex Happy Christmas next week?
Q. I dated someone I was really keen on for a couple of months, however she broke up with me because I had to move away. She said an LDR was too hard and she wanted to be friends as she said I was still important to her. I got annoyed and we didn't end ...
A. 21 December 2013: She doesn't want contact, so I'd respect that and not take advantage of an excuse to contact her - even if your intentions are full of good will towards men and all that. I don't think you're sad or pathetic for missing her or wanting to get back on ... (read in full...)
She got so drunk she can't remember hours of her night out!
Q. my girlfriend of a year and a half went out last night on bourbon street in new orleans with her brother and got black out drunk and seperated from him. said she doesn't even remember how she got back to her hotel room this morning and can't recall ...
A. 21 December 2013: Well, I think what she said was definitely a joke. And if she's never given you a reason to doubt her, and you've seen that when she gets shwasted that she leans towards obnoxious and not at ALL interested in male attention instead of handsy and ... (read in full...)
They said I make them nervous and insecure ......
Q. The last two relationships, well I say relationships, they didn't get past the dating stage, failed because of the same reasons. Both said I make them feel a bit nervous and insecure. I'm a bit worried about this now that both give me the same ...
A. 7 December 2013: Not a lot to go on here...
Do you seem like you have a lot of experience with other women? Do you give off an air of popularity and flirtatiousness with others? Do you consider yourself a confident man?
Do you compliment the women you date? ... (read in full...)
Out of sight out of mind? Anyone else stop caring about sex when they've been without for a while?
Q. Hi so I have this problem...well I dont know if it is so much a huge issue but just curious if other people feel the same way. I have been noticing that my sex drive isnt all that high. It isn't all that low but not super high if I compare it to ...
A. 16 November 2013: Sure, that happens to plenty of people! It's like smoking - you're fine when you've quit and you carry on with your life as normal... until you have just one and suddenly you're buying packs again.
I think you're perfectly normal. And hey, hav... (read in full...)
Might this classmate be interested in me? Why flirt with me?
Q. So, there's a guy who I never really talk to, but every day in one of my classes, where his seat is right beside mine. He will randomly reach over and try to grab my hand or arm or just brush his hand against my shoulder or something random like tha...
A. 16 November 2013: Hi my sweet,
I can't be sure whether or not he likes you. But, that's what happens when you ask strangers online about somebody's feelings... we can't get into his head, or even really see how he acts around you. If he is an attention seeker, ... (read in full...)
Do I break-up and run? My BF engages in self destructive behaviour and I think I deserve better.
Q. I have posted here before and your advice has always helped me make it through bad times. My boyfriend of a year has driven drunk for most of his adult life he exhibits other self destructive behaviors. Says he likes risk. I have spoken t...
A. 16 November 2013: If he kills someone due to driving drunk, you are going to feel a huge slice of that responsibility. Frankly, if that incident had happened to me, I would have immediately called the police and reported him. His love for "risks" is going to get ... (read in full...)
Caught him looking at porn after he said he would never do it again!
Q. Caught my husband months ago lurking into porn videos. Said would never do again. Swore promised. Said was stupidness curiosity and wrong but did it. Doesn't mean anything just says computer wass there one click lead into many videos. I believed ...
A. 12 November 2013: Seems like a real shame to throw out a marriage with a great guy, great provider, and great father, with whom you have a great sex life with over him getting curious and poking around a little porn. Are you allowed to get angry? Sure. I probably ... (read in full...)
There was obvious attraction -- is she letting me down gently?
Q. Quick question How long would you generally leave it before talking to a girl before asking to meet up kind of thing? I was out with a couple of buddies friday night, and one of these guys had his gf out. They don't really speak much on a nig...
A. 11 November 2013: It sounds like this might be more of a general problem for you, reflected this time in this one girl. Here is my suggestion...
If you are looking to hook up, then you did the right thing - casual texting, asking if she wants to "chill", etc. But... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who is not interested in sex?
Q. I have very little interest in sex and it has become a huge problem in my marriage(understandably). I honestly do not care if I ever have sex again... it's just not important to me and I really don't get much out of it. I really have never had an ...
A. 10 November 2013: My first instinct is that you're not having sex with the right person. Maybe you just don't have chemistry with your husband. That you love him in a best friend kind of way, but not in a jump his bones kind of way.
There's nothing wrong with not... (read in full...)
Could he really be happy with his wife and act that way with another woman?
Q. I am single and met a married man recently. We spent a lot of time together talking and the chemistry was intense. We both said some extremely suggestive things we probably shouldn't have. We both wanted to go home together but he couldn't do it as ...
A. 9 November 2013: Amen to Honeypie.
Just because someone is married, doesn't mean that they're without basic senses and biological drives. He can still find other women attractive, and he can still want to have sex with other women - but, a married man has to k... (read in full...)
My girlfriend ignored me at her party and she's been in contact with an old guy friend
Q. me and my girlfriend have had a few problems lately but we spoke about them yesturday and sorted things out however i keep thinking that I might have made a bad desicion in not breaking up with her. she had a party on halloween and i got very d...
A. 5 November 2013: I think I sympathize with your girlfriend here. She threw a party, and was probably hoping that you'd remain functional enough to act as a co-host (or at least supportive of her), not get totally blasted and then need her to babysit you all night.
... (read in full...)
How can I be sure our relationship won't just turn into a FWB?
Q. I wrote earlier in the week and got some great responses. So thank u.My original post was about a guy ive been seeing for 2 months. We got into a huge fight (started by me) about being more committed. I flipped out on him and he told me it was done. ...
A. 2 November 2013: If you want to get back on track to a relationship, then I don't think having sex is a great way to move your relationship in that direction. If you begin having sex, then you are setting yourself up for a relationship based on it - and that ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my boyfriend doesn't want or need sex every night?
Q. My problem is that my boyfriend and I just recently. Intimate. He loves to kiss and cuddle with me and he loves so much to do oral on me.. but that's as far as it goes. He says he's just a guy who doesn't need to have sex every night that pleasing ...
A. 16 October 2013: Why worry? Sounds like you have a catch and a half! Sex 2-4 times a week sounds good to me, and then the oral in between? You're living the life...
No worries!! :)... (read in full...)
Why do people let facebook ruin their relationship?
Q. I have a question about Facebook, and that is why do so many people let it run their relationships? I'm not just talking about significant others, either. They let it affect their relationships with family as well. I know my family has, at least. A ...
A. 16 October 2013: Politics can ruin relationships just as well in person as online!! Let's not forget that!
Facebook can be great if used wisely. That means, in moderation - taking everything with a grain of salt, and not using it as your main socializing avenue. ... (read in full...)
Help with oral sex
Q. I don't like giving blow jobs to my boyfriend. We have been together for some time now and we decides to hold on on sex and sexual favors. Now it's been a year or so we started doing oral. I love my boyfriend with everything I have and we are ...
A. 7 October 2013: I agree with Honeypie.
You shouldn't do anything that you hate doing. Don't like receiving oral? It's okay to tell him that you're not into it. Don't like giving oral? You shouldn't do it. But, to me this sentence glares out at me: "I think bl... (read in full...)
Older guy for younger women?!?!
Q. Hi I'm a 41 year old, good looking single guy who only really gets on with girls aged between 18 - mid 20's. I just find them more fun and I seem to have so much more in common with them than women my own age. Do you think this is normal??...
A. 6 October 2013: More in common with them? Like what, the aimlessness of youth - the glistening idealized worldview? The lack of life experience? The drive to go out to clubs, get super black out drunk, throw glitter around and sing karaoke?
If you have more in ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to think that I can't be with a cross dresser?
Q. I have known my husband for 34 years, we have been together for 13 years, 8 of them married. He recently told me he was interested in wearing women's clothing. At first I didn't know what to say, I was very confused. Then I cried a lot and tried to ...
A. 6 October 2013: Hi there,
This is a really big thing for you to take it, so it's no wonder that you're so overwhelmed. I think there are a few more questions for you to answer - what is it about this that bothers you so much? Is it that he is no longer the same... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is demanding more in their friendship than I can accept
Q. Okay everyone im having problems with my boyfriends girl best friend. A week or 2 ago he hugged her and I told him he needed to chose between me or her. He chose me they stopped having out and barley talked unless it was about their phone bill cause ...
A. 4 October 2013: Maybe you should end things with your fella.
But not because of him. More because of you.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a pretty trustworthy guy. All he did was hug her, and you flipped out and set an ultimatum? And I understand why h... (read in full...)
Is this video a gift he'd like?
Q. ok. so I'm planning to do this sexy elegant video for my boyfriend of me in lingerie, undressing and stuff. I'm in that field of doing videos all the time and have all the equipment to do something quite stunning and very professional. So my q...
A. 4 October 2013: I think he'll love it. No doubt about it!
But I think you should be careful. How long have you been with this guy? Are you 100% positive he won't show it to friends, or make copies that you don't know about? Protect yourself and make sure tha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is just getting his playboy magazine, now I am afraid to show him my own amateur pictures.
Q. Hi Everyone, I am having a problem trying to decide what to do. To give a little bit of a background, I have always had issues with my body and how I looked. I am pretty tall, 5'10" and have never been a skinny girl. Now, I'm not obese or severel...
A. 23 September 2013: Yayyy!!! Go you!
Good for you, girl!... (read in full...)
My body issues are holding me back from losing my virginity.
Q. Hi all, I'm in a bit of a difficult spot. I want to lose my virginity with my girlfriend but I also have intimacy issues (I am embarrassed about the way my chest looks) which is making this hard. She has mentioned making love before, but I so...
A. 22 September 2013: How long have you been with your girlfriend? I'm assuming that you've done some making out, some heavy petting - I'm sure that she knows what your chest feels like, and can safely assume what it looks like. Seeing it without a shirt won't be much ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a girl needs a cigarette after sex.
Q. What does it mean if a girl said right after sex: "after this I definitely need a cigarette". We met last week and had sex for the 1st time last night. Does it mean she enjoyed it? The issue is that she hasn't called or responded to my text. Tha...
A. 21 September 2013: Have you been living under a rock for the past 26-29 years? A cigarette after satisfactory sex! It's a thing. I'm reminded of that joke:
The chicken and the egg are sitting up in bed, the chicken smoking a cigarette. The chicken turns to the egg ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is just getting his playboy magazine, now I am afraid to show him my own amateur pictures.
Q. Hi Everyone, I am having a problem trying to decide what to do. To give a little bit of a background, I have always had issues with my body and how I looked. I am pretty tall, 5'10" and have never been a skinny girl. Now, I'm not obese or severel...
A. 21 September 2013: Good question! I had to go to my husband for his take. As a female, I can completely understand why you would suddenly feel nervous about giving him these pictures of you! All though I am body-confident, I'd still feel like that's pretty rough ... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 4 September 2013: Yeah, I agree with the others - you've given it a good 4 months, you've tried. By now he would have grown on you and if the chemistry was there, you'd find him attractive. But it seems that he's just getting less attractive, and I'm not sure that ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't care about me then why does he put so much effort into?
Q. Right before I graduated college a few months ago, I got the courage up to talk to a guy who I had liked for awhile. It turned out he had felt the same way but was too shy to speak up either. We didn't go on dates or anything but would hang out at ...
A. 3 September 2013: So, you're "casually" sleeping together and dating...
It sounds like you want this to be a relationship, and he's pretty content having you on the side while he continues to pursue this girl.
The reality is that I don't think you're going to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife that I have a disire to continue being with guys or should I just do it and see what her reaction is?
Q. I have been crossdressing for a few years. My wife both supports and helps me with this. We do go out together while I am dressed up. She gets a kick out of watching guys hit on me. A few weeks ago while at a club I hung out with a guy for an hour ...
A. 3 September 2013: Definitely DO NOT "just do it" and see what her reaction is. Why? Because even if she would ordinarily be into it, if you don't tell her about it then that's not something you're doing together - that's you cheating on her behind her back.
The f... (read in full...)
I am a male and hate that I get emotionally (but not sexually) attracted to other men. Is this normal?
Q. I am 23, and I've started finding myself getting emotionally attracted to men and I HATE it. I don't feel sexually attracted to them, only emotionally, sure there are some physically attractive men, but it only goes as far as looks and emotional ...
A. 2 September 2013: Huh. Somehow, I don't feel like this is specific enough. What do you want out of a relationship with a guy? Are you saying you get emotionally attached, like you would with a really good friendship, or are you saying that men are the ones you want ... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm feeling suffocated
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 6 months! I've not been happy for about a month as we work together and spend all out free time together, it's getting a bit full on, I haven't seen the girls for ages and he makes me feel bad...
A. 29 August 2013: My question is, why aren't you being more firm?
If he didn't act like you broke up with him, why didn't you act like you did? And when he said that you didn't mean it, why didn't you insist that you did?
If you want a break, then you need to... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is pushing me to have a baby with him, but I don't feel for him.
Q. Hi everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for a little under 3 years (I'm 25 and he's 28) and things haven't been too good of late. I say of late, probably about a year..! From the moment we met he made it clear to me that settling down and sta...
A. 29 August 2013: Definitely, DEFINITELY do not have a baby with a guy that you feel this lackluster about! You're young, there's no need to rush into having a kid and there's no need to just 'settle' for some guy that you aren't excited about. If you stay with this ... (read in full...)
Found him on Facebook but too chicken to add him
Q. Hey I met a guy whilst on guide camp, I'm 21 and a leader with the camp and he was one of the service crew I fancied him and we ended up staying up till 2am just talking with some other people but nothing happened I didn't see him after th...
A. 25 August 2013: Totally reading too much into it, girlfriend. Just friend him! What do you have to lose?? Go for it!
Good luck! :)... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a crush on unattainable women to just fade without trying to get rid of it?
Q. Is it possible for a crush on unattainable women to just fade without trying to get rid of it? I have a girlfriend and work with a woman who is married but gives herself away all the time - she clearly has a little thing for me. For a while now our ...
A. 23 August 2013: Listen, the right thing to do is usually not the easy thing to do.
You know that you're playing with fire, and you won't put it out because you don't want to end your friendship with her? This isn't a friendship... this is a dangerous pairing ... (read in full...)
The girl I've had a crush on for years is moving away! Should I tell her how I feel?
Q. the girl ive had a crush on since seconded grade is moving to florida this new year what do i do. should i tell her how i feel or forever be quiet and give up on her. if you have any better ideas please tell me. 8/22/13 ...
A. 23 August 2013: Hmmm...
Well, if she's moving then I think you might as well tell her. No need to spend the rest of your life in silence.
However, I don't think that it will stop her from moving!! I doubt that it will turn into a magical movie ending whe... (read in full...)
My ex said can't give me false hope??
Q. my ex bf and i have hung out quite few times since the break up and yes we have "hooked up" but told me he cant give me false hope that we are getting back together..what does that mean? will he change his mind?...
A. 23 August 2013: He's said plainly that there's no hope, and I don't think that there is. I definitely would not wait around for him to change his mind, because I think that will be a grand waste of your time! The best thing that you can do is to move on - and I ... (read in full...)
A guy I was messaging online wanted me to do things I wasn't prepared to do and in the end he stopped contacting me. Now I see he's viewed my profile again. What does this mean?
Q. I have been on and off a dating site for about 5 months and have made a few pen pals. In the first few months there was a guy, he is 29 years old and he wanted a friends with benefits situation. In the beginning he was sort of nice complimenting ...
A. 23 August 2013: Absolutely you should just ignore him. Trust. Your. Gut.
You say that you don't feel so great about yourself. I think that you enjoy the flattery that this guys lust gives you (can't blame you), but I think that he is absolutely playing into you... (read in full...)
Why do conversations with my friend always wind up being steered towards sex?
Q. I really don't know what's going on with my friend. We're pretty close and I guess he's kind of like a brother to me. He might not see it that way, but I see it. I met him almost a year ago. We've exchanged crushes and personal secrets, and the...
A. 20 August 2013: Yeah, he definitely wants to get dirty with you. I'm not sure if he likes you in the romantic, I'll-wait-for-you-and-serenade-you-in-the-meantime kind of way... mostly it seems like he really wants to have sex with you, and because you're friends he ... (read in full...)
My husband wants a sex change and I am feeling like it is the death of our marriage. How can I cope and help him?
Q. I'm at a loss and in desperate need of advice. So bare with me for a minute because this is gonna be a bit long... I am married to my husband of almost 3 years. Well the other day he came out to his family and friends about him being bisexual...
A. 19 August 2013: Of course you're not a bad person. In fact, I think that you're a marvelous person to be so supportive, and what you're going through is very normal for people in your position.
Contact PFLAG, who might be a good source of support for you. You... (read in full...)
I'm being left out and cannot escape it
Q. I will get straight into my issue. I am a self confessed introvert with social anxiety. Recently my cousins, who are my age have been going out and meeting up without inviting me. They're all pretty loud and extroverts and enjoy clubbing, which im ...
A. 15 August 2013: It seems like you weren't really into hanging out with them in the first place. You say that they're loud, extroverted and liked doing things that you weren't as comfortable doing - so it could be that you were giving off vibes that said "I don't ... (read in full...)
I have very strong feelings for her and want to ask her to homecoming dance in a memorable way. Any ideas?
Q. The homecoming dance is coming up in a few weeks and there is one girl that I can't imagine going without. We dated less than a year ago but we broke up and I think she still has some feelings for me. The only time I get to see her this year is at ...
A. 15 August 2013: You already dated and broke up? Hmmm.
Okay, here is what I would NOT do: do some very big, very public, grand gesture. Why? Because it could end up embarrassing for her and even more embarrassing for you in the case that she says no, or at least... (read in full...)
Should I have confronted a married man in a restaurant who kept staring at my pretty daughter?
Q. My 19 year old daughter is very pretty. She along with my wife and I went to a popular restaurant for dinner last week. As we were being seated I see this middle aged guy sitting with his wife and kids staring at my daughter, he didn't take his eyes ...
A. 11 August 2013: You got great advice. One more thought:
What if he was staring at your daughter because she had an uncanny resemblance to someone he knew? I've definitely been busted staring at someone because it was so curious how similar they looked to someone ... (read in full...)
Why was she hesitant to give me a kiss? Before that we talked.Any suggestions on how I could have handled it?
Q. I would just appreciate opinions on the following: I was sitting alone in a venue in the early hours, when a girl sat near me and started talking to me. Which is quite unusual for a female to do at 2am. The normal thing they do is stand around g...
A. 11 August 2013: So, let me get this right...
It's 2am. There is a girl waiting for a taxi. She makes some chit chat. You don't find her attractive, ask her out or give her any indication that you're interested. FIFTEEN MINUTES into your chat, you assume that she... (read in full...)
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