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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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Would you trust this man?
Q. Would you trust a boyfriend with 2 kids from 2 different women? ...
A. 15 April 2012: Would you give your opinion on a person based on ten words?
Could you describe yourself in ten words?... (read in full...)
Does my B/f trust me or not? Why cant he just be straight forward?
Q. Hello everyone, I am not quite sure how to interpret whats happening here.My boyfriend and I are in longdistance relationship right now(due to college). There is this event happening,big companies' directors, and CEO,.. are meeting with our...
A. 15 April 2012: Because if he is straightforward then he can be accused of limiting your career opportunities... regardless of whether that limits the opportunities of your co-worker to get into your head/pants.
P.S. Your friend probably has ulterior motives.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the jealousy that I feel towards my co-worker?
Q. Dear Cupid, There's this guy at work who I'm totally jealous of. He's younger than me, everyone at work adores him. He's considered, funny, witty, smart and brilliant. I get pangs of anger and jealousy all the time. Our careers have over the la...
A. 15 April 2012: Stop comparing yourself to this person. You're born alone, you die alone, so fucking live how you want to live. If this person has qualities that you wish to emulate then by all means, recognize the traits that this person has and read a book or ... (read in full...)
If I give him space, will he come back?
Q. Hi, 6.5 years ago i moved to a foreign country to be with boyfriend (his country). The first couple of years were great but then we start having problems. He has problems showing emotions and hates any conflict so runs away from problems. Me on th...
A. 15 April 2012: I read somewhere that when it comes to the range of emotions and such that a person can experience that guys and girls differ. Guys like to find a sweet spot, a comfort zone (if you will), which doesn't encompass the whole range of emotions, yet ... (read in full...)
I usually have high standards, so why am I into this average looking girl?
Q. Usually I have very high standards (it takes a fair amount of beauty to get a 8-10 mental rating from me), but I have recently met this girl who I would have never looked twice at in the street and I don't know why I am so taken with her...?...
A. 15 April 2012: Because looks aren't everything?... (read in full...)
Why do some girls look hot smoking and others don't?
Q. Why is it some girls can look sexy when they smoke and others just look chavvy and it's a turn off? When i'm out I see girls smoking all the time, but I don't like smokers I find them disgusting (the smoking). And it makes even the most beautiful ...
A. 12 April 2012: lol youwish... (read in full...)
Have any guys on here gone to a bar alone?
Q. I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make some ...
A. 30 March 2012: I've been bartending at night-clubs for years now and I'll tell you this... the guys who drink the least are the most successful with women, hands down. Though in saying that, the guys who drink the least are often the most centered and ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend thinks of me as a breeding factory, if I can't have kids, he'd leave me!
Q. I've been in a relationship for about 2.5 years with someone who is wonderful, caring, supportive, etc. We have been through a lot, and I sincerely saw him as the one. He already considered us married but it doesn't work that way for me. ...
A. 30 March 2012: I agree with Ciar... he's not a bad guy. He wants to be able to pass on his DNA- how is that an unreasonable thing... yeah, you shouldn't have to compromise your values of having kids out of wedlock- and that's not unreasonable either...
You'v... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy wants YOU to tie HIM up?
Q. My boyfriend is into restraints, or whatever it's called, where your hands are tied to the bedpost, and sometimes feet are tied to the.... bottom of the bed? wtf is it called? But anyways, he said once that he wants me to tie him up... What do...
A. 30 March 2012: The bedroom is a liberating place. Its not uncommon for people to try out being the polar opposite in the bedroom than they are in real life and as the others have said- "switch places"... if only for a moment.
Try it, hell, you may enjoy sw... (read in full...)
My coworker and I used to be friends, and he liked me, but now he's mean! Why?
Q. Long story short, I met this guy we worked for the same company but different buildings we have mutual friends. The offices merged, and we made small talk became work friends. He would email me and made a big effort to contact me. I wasn't into him ...
A. 27 March 2012: "( my guys Friends said no he likes you)"
and it looks like they were right.... (read in full...)
I messed up and my girlfriend broke up with me, how can I turn this around? I need her back!
Q. I lost someone dear to me. My girlfriend. I messed up and she saw where I had flirted with other girls on facebook. I lied and said it wasn't me. The truth came out. We broke up, and exchanged violent words. Man have I messed up! I want her, so bad ...
A. 26 March 2012: Climb Mount Everest, take a photo at the top of yourself and an "I'm Sorry" sign.
Or alternatively just let her cool off for a while... and stay off facebook.... (read in full...)
Met an aspiring actress, got on so well with her but found out she plans to sleep her way to the top!
Q. Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles! I was ...
A. 26 March 2012: Wow... this girl is an idiot. I'm guessing she hasn't had any luck in the acting world so far and instead of taking it on the chin that maybe she isn't talented or needs acting lessons- she's rationalized that away and come up with this theory. It ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being used
Q. I am so confused??? I am in love with a guy that says he wants to be with me just not right now. This has been going on for two years. I give him money and we have a child together. He does not take care of her. He was also in a serious relationship ...
A. 15 March 2012: "If you're tired of being used, then STOP allowing yourself to be used!"
Absolutely agree!... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a prostitute, can I get her to love me back?
Q. since a short time i started two have every times more feelings for this girl she is a young prostitute and what yes i was with many prostitutes and i never believed that one day i will fall in love in one i woud probally before be againt a person ...
A. 15 March 2012: How bout next time you see her- pay her, but just talk to her about herself, find out more about her?... (read in full...)
Men won't stop treating my sister badly!
Q. Hello, I'm really worried about my sister. Shes been messed around by a couple of guys in the past and the guys that do have a relationship with her end up being not worth keeping on certain levels. The last two guys she really liked have been ...
A. 14 March 2012: Where exactly is she meeting these guys and in what state?
If you say "strangers at a club" or "whilst drunk" then you could be onto something with the whole "vibe" thing.... (read in full...)
Can 13 year-olds find a lasting relationship, or is this just puppy love?
Q. Ok... know a lot of you will disagree with my view on this but oh well...I'm 13, and I have a boyfriend of 8 months, we really get along and we have almost everything in common, he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too but then i felt ...
A. 14 March 2012: Of course it can happen, its just really really rare. Here's some of the main reasons why;
Who you are now could be wildly different from who you'll be when you're 18, who you are when you're 18 could be wildly different from who you are when you... (read in full...)
I eat as a stress reliever, how do I stop?
Q. For over 10 years i thought i suffered from panic attacks. I had all the symtoms. I was stressed. I'd get hot and panicy. I'd have serious chest pain that would not leave me for hours. I couldn't always breath and calm myself down. I was told it was ...
A. 14 March 2012: See your doctor ASAP... they've got all the links to the professionals in every area you can think of- should they identify that you need it. But be as honest as you can otherwise they can't help you. Print out what you've written here if that ... (read in full...)
B/f promised to pamper me but he's been MIA and I can't stop crying!
Q. Hi, My question may seems lame to most people, but i juz need to ask. firstly, like many women, i like to be pampered. when i dated A, i had already told him, i am not easy to be with as i am very sensitive person n get touchy easily. he i...
A. 14 March 2012: Pampering somebody else on a regular basis is nothing short of exhausting... I do think its taken a toll on him and you've possibly been on a pedestal for way too long. Can I ask what you do to pamper him in return?
... (read in full...)
I think I scared him away by being too affectionate, now he wants space. What should I do?
Q. Im a very affectionate person but the guy I've been dating for two months become good friends so he decided to cook dinner for me. the frist dinner date was at his house, we were both tense to anything. the second date he started to feel nervous ...
A. 13 March 2012: Could what you deem as affectionate behavior- he possibly interpret as needy behavior? I ask only because he told you that you'll catch up later this week yesterday... and you haven't heard from him for one day and you're already fretting?
... (read in full...)
Why did he delete me as a friend on Facebook when I got engaged? I want my friend back!
Q. Hi. I have been great friends (with a guy) for 13 year. We almost got together once when I was eighteen, but I decided against it because I didnt want to lose a friend if anything went wrong. He's in the navy but whenever he's back we would get ...
A. 13 March 2012: He doesn't want to see photos of you all happy and couple-y... he'll probably be friends with you face to face, but if you're a true friend- you'll understand that he may have been carrying a bit of a "maybe one day" candle for you at some stage ... (read in full...)
Cheated on my boyfriend with a girl, how is he going to react?
Q. hello.. i cheated on my botfriend with a chick during our 2 day break up, and im not interested in having a three some. how would you guys react to something like this if you were the boyfriend? (coming clean tomorrow)...
A. 13 March 2012: How is it cheating exactly? You were broken up. You're under no morale obligation to tell him anything... just quietly.... (read in full...)
What is a guy's definition of 'soon'?
Q. What does a guy mean by saying 'can I see you soon?' whats a guys definition of soon? Thanks...
A. 13 March 2012: Yeah, probably what love-wisely said... ... (read in full...)
Why do people think my relationship will end? She is my first and last love!
Q. Hi everyone, I wanted to know about love. Why does everyone say its my first love so I am very passionate about her(by the way her name is may). I love her very deeply from my heart and will do anything for her. I would give my life if I have to ...
A. 12 March 2012: The world isn't made of cotton candy my friend.
I hope it works out for ya though :)... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend trying to protect me or control me?
Q. So I guess I should start by saying that my life has been chaotic the past month. I've been looking for a job for a few weeks with no success, and ended up taking a job at a "gentleman's club". I'm not dancing! Just waitressing. It's been ...
A. 12 March 2012: Could be a little bit of both. In his defense though, I could easily see myself reacting the same way in his position. Having a partner cry after sex... if that doesn't ring a few alarm bells and raise an eyebrow- I don't know what does.
P.S. ... (read in full...)
The expression "stop looking and you'll find someone" isn't working for me!
Q. I've heard this over and over again... That the reason I can't find a girlfriend is because I'm looking for one, and that as soon as I stop looking, I'll suddenly end up in a relationship. "Happens when you least expect it," "I found my partner when ...
A. 11 March 2012: I've never interpreted that expression that way. I think its more to do with you simply enjoying your life and when you're doing that- people can't help but want a piece of that and be drawn to you.
Meeting people and putting yourself out ther... (read in full...)
Should I give him space and hope for the best?
Q. Hi i was just needing some advice. I have only been seeing this guy a few months , we meet on a dating site and he is a realy nice guy and exceptionaly good looking. he made our relationship official as we were spending every day together over ...
A. 11 March 2012: Treat it like a break up... give him space, don't contact him. You don't want to be holding out hope and putting your life on hold for something that may not eventuate. It sucks and its not the most optimistic option out there- but in my ... (read in full...)
Is it OK if the girl calls after 4 dates, or does that ruin 'the chase'?
Q. Guys Should we call you after say 4 dates? Or do you lose interest and back off if you dont feel like you're in " the chase" Honestly. If you've started calling/texting less what gives?...
A. 11 March 2012: Meh, everybody's different, what works for one person may not work for another. Personally I hate the whole "chase" thing. Its lame.... (read in full...)
2 years since my divorce and haven't found a guy; feeling very low. Help!
Q. Hello, i just need a kick up the backside off you guys please. i'm 36 and am back living at home after i got divorced he cheated on me and bled me and my folks dry.. i'm back in my old bedroom, bored and poor.. i had to go bankrupt so most of my ...
A. 5 March 2012: If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? That sounds like a harsh statement, but its one that I've always found helpful personally.
Sorry you're going through tough times, but you need to change your attitude... (read in full...)
Does a guy's penis have a mind of its own?
Q. Okay I know this is a stupid question, but I've always wondered this. I almost asked a guy friend, but didn't because I didn't want him getting the wrong idea so here goes: Does a guys penis have a mind of it's own? Do you move it like you move a ...
A. 4 March 2012: Move it like a finger... that's a little bit cool but also a little bit creepy. I can't do that :(... (read in full...)
I had sex with my friend's dad.
Q. Dear Cupid, Okay so this is kinda tricky.. i'm good friends with this girl, not like my bestie or anything but we still hang out often enough. Started getting to know her through college, been hanging around with her for about a year, we're both...
A. 4 March 2012: "She's such a nice person and will NOT find out about this."
You can't seriously believe that she'll never find out, all it takes is one slip up, one break in routine, one suspicion... and they happen so easily. The longer this goes on for, the... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend see me as a respectable girl after I give blowjobs?
Q. one time, a close friend of mine and i were discussing sex. i asked him if he was interested in a blowjob and he said if it were coming from a girl he didn't respect, then yes, he would want a bj but if it was from someone he cared about, then ...
A. 28 February 2012: Meh, everyone's different, you'd have to ask your boyfriend... but even if you do, he's gonna say "of course I respect you babe". If you both enjoy it, then don't let what your friend said play on your mind. If you're both boyfriend and girlfriend ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a wandering eye
Q. I feel the pressure to look good because my boyfriend has wandering eyes and constantly look at pretty girls. How do I assure myself that one day when my youth is gone and he'd find someone else??? Is this normal?...
A. 28 February 2012: If you ask me, you're feeling a lot of pressure because you're thinking WAY too far ahead. You're what? 18-21? Yes, yes, it could last, but you can't tackle a problem that is years away and may never eventuate anyways. Worry about the problems ... (read in full...)
Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: I found this site a couple of years ago after getting dumped by my first love and having alienated a lot of my friends who were sick of my whining. I've found that reading about other peoples problems helps me personally as you can always find ... (read in full...)
I told my best friend that I like him and now he won't talk to me
Q. Hello, I told my best guy friend of 6 years that I liked him. He is shy as am I so I told him by txt. His reply was 'really? how long have you felt this way?' I told him about a year and now it has been nearly 3 weeks and he has not called,fb or...
A. 28 February 2012: I'd take his silence as your answer as to how he feels.
Yeah you can contact him if you like, but sometimes things are best left unexplained when it comes to recovering a friendship from this type of situation. ... (read in full...)
Is another relationship in our future?
Q. Hello, I'll keep this as straight forward as possible. My ex (25) and I (20) broke up in August. It was mutually decided. A few months later he began dating someone for a short time, maybe 2 months, while I remained single. We didn't talk duri...
A. 7 January 2012: I say just keep hanging out... no point trying to make a game plan for winning him back if you're already doing all the right things. If you're cuddling, massaging, flirting and most importantly- just having fun together... I'd say things will most ... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my boyfriend's response or am I nitpicking?
Q. I have read on a few websites that the direction that someone's eyes move in tells whether or not they are telling the truth. It says when they move their eyes up and to their right it means they are constructing a response (lying) and when they ...
A. 22 November 2011: If these things were even close to reliable, why would we have jury's and not just a video camera?
You're nitpicking.... (read in full...)
So lost and hurt after discovering my boyfriend has been sleeping with some of his female friends
Q. What do I do? i love him so much but i'm so lost and hurt. I found out recently my bf has been sleeping with one of his friends since we got together and then found out he recently had a threesome with two of his other female friends. That and ...
A. 21 November 2011: I'm surprised you have to even ask these questions...
What do you do? You cut all contact with this guy- after you've kicked his ass to the curb.
What does this mean? You got used... unfortunately by someone who has no conscience. Don... (read in full...)
Does he mean we aren't serious or what?
Q. I've been seeing Mr X for a month now and as of thus weekend still never asked what he wants/is looking for. But he lately seems to be pulling away a bit. Yesterday I called him on it and said I just dont know what's going on with us and that I ...
A. 21 November 2011: You basically dropped the "where do you see this relationship going" line after only a month??
Yikes. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that it was never him, but I had commitment phobia?
Q. - met man of my dreams after a serious relationship of 4 years - heartbroken over the 4-year-relationship but pursued by dream boy before healing process had even began to start. - his patience and opening his heart asking for commitment = ...
A. 21 November 2011: Well you can't do anything until you've got an open line of communication with him...
After that it should be simple enough. Just explain everything that you've written here but face-to-face. Be open. Be vulnerable. Lay it all out there. ... (read in full...)
I still talk to my ex but am with new guy and don't feel comfortable with the new guy. Whom do I chose?
Q. So I am dating this guy, we have been seeing each other for a little over a month. Him and I started dating after 3 weeks or so of me breaking up with my ex of a year and a half. Now after a month of not talking to him my ex and I are starting to ...
A. 21 November 2011: Ever considered just being single for a while? Its not fair to the new guy if you're not over your ex and it would be silly to get back with an ex that you'll just fall into the same co-dependent rut with again.
Don't be one of those girls wh... (read in full...)
Should I dump him despite the fact he's given up the porn??
Q. I have a problem. My boyfriend of nearly seven years has watched and masturbated to pornography throughout behind my back. He has also lied to me when I have caught him out. He even continued to do this whilst I was pregnant and after our baby ...
A. 21 November 2011: I kinda get the feeling that you've already made your decision...
Yes, as men we tend to get defensive about porn... kinda to be expected when its demonized so much and so often here... but that's neither here nor there.
At the end of the d... (read in full...)
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