Like what
he writes?
... Add *mtmj to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *mtmj a private message | | | *mtmj's profile:
A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
|
|
| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
|
Should I dump him despite the fact he's given up the porn??
Q. I have a problem. My boyfriend of nearly seven years has watched and masturbated to pornography throughout behind my back. He has also lied to me when I have caught him out. He even continued to do this whilst I was pregnant and after our baby ...
A. 21 November 2011: I kinda get the feeling that you've already made your decision...
Yes, as men we tend to get defensive about porn... kinda to be expected when its demonized so much and so often here... but that's neither here nor there.
At the end of the d... (read in full...)
Why do guys play head games with girls who like them?
Q. What's up with guys baiting girls who they know like them? Like, what's the point? I think it's just cruel, and rude. It's happened to me and a few of my friends: a guy who is not actually interested in dating a girl (or even sleeping with her) but ...
A. 17 November 2011: It's called the male ego, and it won't be the first time that you wrestle this beast..... (read in full...)
Why will he poke me on facebook but not actually talk to me?
Q. Awkward warning: I slept with a guy twice, and now I can't figure out where this is going. Sleeping with him was technically cheating on my part (I'm seeing someone), so I know that really it shouldn't "go" anywhere, but nonetheless, I can't figure ...
A. 17 November 2011: "it's not even that i care that much whether we continue on as friends at this point"
Lie much..?
If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here asking this question.... (read in full...)
We have an awkward past, do I go to her 18th birthday night out?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm back with another dose of my disastrous love life and am (as always) looking for a bit of advice! So not long ago I wrote http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-she-doesnt-like-me-in-that-way.html and I still have the same proble...
A. 17 November 2011: In my opinion... don't go.
If you're not convinced that you'll be able to control what you do or say and let the flood gates go... just don't go... for no other reason than to eliminate the chance of you tarnishing her 18th. I'm not saying t... (read in full...)
My wife's son is tearing us apart! What to do?
Q. i have caught my wife's son (21 year old) with large quanities of skunk weed 3 times now, the first about a week after we were married 2 years ago,it turns out that he has been reported to the police on 5 occations by 3 different people on our ...
A. 16 November 2011: As caring guy said.
Run.... (read in full...)
Drifting apart after just 1 year!
Q. I worry that my husabnd and I are drifting apart after only 1 year of marriage. After work he spends alot of time alone in the office he set up at our house. He frequently gets up at 5:00 AM to "pay bills" and goes into his office and surfs the web. ...
A. 16 November 2011: Should you be concerned? Well, you're in the best position to judge that for yourself and a woman's gut instinct is not something to dismiss without good reason.
Have you confronted the issue? Asked him if he feels there is a rift growing ... (read in full...)
Just learned that I may not be my son's father
Q. I need to make a HUGE possibly life changing decision. My wife and I are married for almost 15 years. When we met she had just broken up with her ex-bf. We dated for about 6 months when she told me she was pregnant. I did the right thing, and we ...
A. 16 November 2011: This is a tricky one and I don't envy your position.
15 years you've raised your son... make no mistake, whether he's genetically yours or not, he's still your son. I dunno dude, maybe its just in my nature, but I'd rather brush the whole th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is working over Christmas - again! I'm furious, help please!
Q. Hi guys, please help, i am fuming! My bf does shift work and he has a responsible role. This year will be our first proper Xmas togther. Let me explain...last year he decided to work a night shift on Xmas day. This meant i got to see him for a round ...
A. 16 November 2011: Your boyfriend is a hero, make no mistake about that. My dad's a doctor and my step-mums a nurse... Christmas was always something that had a chance at being postponed, given the amount of accidents that the holidays inevitably bring.
Why c... (read in full...)
Can someone explain how people who divorce can still remain "close friends"?
Q. OK, probably people are gonna think I'm too rigid and old fashioned, but I honestly don't get how two people who get divorced can remain "close friends." I mean, when I have broken up with someone, it was because we had terrible conflicts where ...
A. 13 November 2011: People can be compatible as friends, but not compatible as lovers. If its possible to come to that realization, separate without burning that friendship bridge... then as mature adults, if a working friendship is worth saving and capable of ... (read in full...)
Where are all the nice guys hiding?
Q. I live in Ireland and I can't find any nice guys! All the guys i meet just seem to use me. I feel as though I,ll never be loved for who I am or what I like doing. Like I,m a night person ( Not like clubbing but other stuff ) I,ve not met a guy who ...
A. 13 November 2011: Australia.
:D... (read in full...)
Boyfriend admitted to one-night stand!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years confessed yesterday that few weeks back he had an one night stand, he was heavely drunk and didn't realise what he was getting into. I really dont understand how he could he say since he was drunk he didnt know what ...
A. 10 November 2011: I've been as drunk as physically possible many a time, I've tended bar at a night club for 5 years and I can honestly say that there is no way that a drunk person can have a one night stand and not know what's going on at some point... those who say ... (read in full...)
No sex in 5 years, does it matter to guys?
Q. To the Men on Dearcupid, What would you think if you started a relationship with a woman who hadn't had sex in 5 years? Would it freak you out? Or does it simply not matter? Thanks I was just wondering!...
A. 10 November 2011: Doesn't matter... in some ways a good thing. Some may take it as a red flag that you're not a very sexual person and might wonder if that would affect how regularly they'd get sex should they enter into a relationship with you.
Other than that... (read in full...)
One for the guys: is sex with someone new still special when you've had previous partners?
Q. Gentlemen of DC, when you're in a relationship with someone new, is having sex with them still a special experience even if you've had previous girlfriends? Apologies if this comes across as a rather daft question - I'm feeling a bit insecure about ...
A. 8 November 2011: Absolutely.... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever wish they were a young child again?
Q. Anyone ever wish they could go back to being a young child?.i often wish that .do i need counselling or would you say its normal to think like that ?...
A. 8 November 2011: At times I do, hell's yes!... (read in full...)
Episodes of My childhood – Unloved & Abused By My Mother
Q. This is my story...I am the eldest sister of Bluegem and whiteopal who have both recently posted letters on Dear Cupid, and I endorse everything they say about the verbal and physical abuse we suffered when growing up. This is only a little...
A. 5 November 2011: My advice... write a book.
Frankly, I'd be very surprised if she didn't have a personality disorder, something like bi-polar or BPD. Either way I think its safe to assume that you're never going to get the love and approval that you've craved f... (read in full...)
How to play the player ?
Q. how do you play a player at his own game ..?but when u like the guy and trying not to show feelings ..when ur just pure (friends with benifits lol ). guys n women hu have or are players please to answer thanks...
A. 3 November 2011: You can only play a player if you yourself are a player... and then it comes down to experience. You wouldn't challenge tiger woods to a game of golf and expect to win if you've only swung a club a few times... same thing applies here.
If yo... (read in full...)
Is it true that A Man can't win? Why does it seem that women are ALWAYS right? Feels like that to a guy !
Q. We've all heard the saying that a man can't ever win. But no-one ever explains why! So, quite simply, here it is. Women make the rules. And even if the man makes the rules, Women enforce them. For example, Have you ever had a situation that spa...
A. 27 October 2011: Where do I begin...
Well its true that men and women have different strengths, weaknesses and characteristics, ya just can't lump everyone into the same sack... not without offending or alienating people who don't fit the mold that you're t... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to say ILY?
Q. So im back..again. I know someone is going to tell me that if I have to ask, then I don't, or am not ready. But I have to ask because I want to know, mostly from the lady folk, what you think she wants, and what she thinks. So me and my g...
A. 25 October 2011: Just say it... but do it when you're in another "emotionally connected" moment.
Its not too soon. ... (read in full...)
Please be fair about this : I'm a virgin. How can I make it easier for me to find a girl without a sexual past??
Q. okay, i have a problem and i would like some help if you guys have the time to give me some advice, is not the first time that i bring this question here, but i feel that the last time i didn't express myself correctly and only confused the readers, ...
A. 23 October 2011: There is no easy way to do this. Your best bet is online or perhaps christian dating sites. Problem is you're seriously limiting how many girls you can date from and on top of that you have to find someone whom you have a deep connection with from ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my fiance about this? Accident while Doctor attended to me. Does this mean I'm not a virgin?
Q. Hello everyone. I'm a 24 year old virgin. I've never done anything more than kiss heavily. I'm perfectly fine and happy about that. I'm engaged to a wonderful girl who is just like me; needless to say we are insanely eager to get married and ...
A. 23 October 2011: That's hilarious! Tad unsure how you managed to ejaculate twice and on your doctors face... must have been one hell of a check up!
Yes you're still a virgin, no you don't have to tell your fiance, though I think she'd more likely than not find... (read in full...)
Does she have hidden feelings for me? How can I get over her if she keeps appearing out of the blue?
Q. Hi, I broke up with a girl three months ago who I believed was the one and for some reason still do. We are still friends but it is hard to fight my previous feelings. The trouble is about a month ago I began to try and move on by not texting her ...
A. 19 October 2011: Of course she has hidden feelings for you, but they're called hidden feelings for a reason... They tend to come out when we're vulnerable- (lonely, schmaltzy, drunk, etc) and don't necessarily over-ride all the other factors that affect us when ... (read in full...)
I thought we had come to a compromise but then he totally disregards me and does what he wants anyway! Will life always be like this with him?
Q. I wrote on here about 2 weeks ago with the question below* and got some good advice which generally agreed with what i thought. So i asked my husband if he would go away for 3 weeks instead of 5 and in the end we compromised on 4. Problem now is he ...
A. 19 October 2011: He told you that he was going to go for 5 weeks whether you like it or not from the start. It obviously means a lot to him and why wouldn't it if he works so hard for most of the year in order to do it. He likes to travel, you don't, so why ... (read in full...)
How can I ask her out in a non-intimating and non-pressured way and have the ability to keep a good friendship going if it goes wrong?
Q. Now i'm sure this is a question that pops up here CONSTANTLY but it's troubling me and i'd like to get 'personal' answers. I've been friends with a girl for a couple years and we've had on/off feeling for each other however never at the same tim...
A. 19 October 2011: "Just this week we've been quite intimidate when she was at mine involving dirty talk and 'massages'."
If she isn't a "slut" as you say, then how could this possibly NOT be a sign???
You gotta take a risk here dude, you can't have a win-win s... (read in full...)
Is this a fair arrangement?
Q. Hi, I am a single mom, with one pre-school child. I live with my boyfriend. My question is about expenses. We split the rent 50/50, I buy all the groceries, and he pays all the car expenses(it is his car). He will not share any expenses regardin...
A. 19 October 2011: You don't state whether you've been with him for a few months or a few years... how anyone can make judgement without that information is beyond me. ... (read in full...)
Does anyone think the law not allowing 16 year olds an younger to have sex will stop anyone?
Q. Just want to clarify, I don't want to have sex. I just think its unrealistic. Do you think it'll stop anyone? No one will call the police. Especially if their both underage. I know why its there and all, but I also know a pregnant eighth grader. T...
A. 7 October 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-understand-why-the-law-dictates-the.html... (read in full...)
If men want their women to look like porn stars, why don't us women care that our men don't look like porn stars??
Q. I'm 25, and I'm here to discuss pornography and men. Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc. but how come women don't do the opposite and ask for 6-packs/chiselled bodies / big penises etc? Or if they do,...
A. 30 September 2011: "Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc"
I can honestly say that I have NEVER EVER, NOT EVEN ONCE heard any guy complain that his girlfriend doesn't look like a porn star. EVER.
... (read in full...)
My long-term boyfriend can't see how destructive his wanting to help his ex is to our relationship!
Q. Hi, So I'm in a very serious relationship, and we've both talked many times about how this is it for both of us. Yet, I'm starting to have doubts, and thinking that I don't really want to be with him anymore. Unfortunately, I get into this kin...
A. 29 September 2011: Well... depends if the kid is his or not, if it is, then you may just have to accept that this is how he is and he probably won't change, (not necessarily a bad thing, but by the sounds of things... his behavior lately is not something you can see ... (read in full...)
Can this be a relationship? He is straight and I am gay. He's a co-worker.
Q. i would like to ask help or advice regarding my relationship to my co-worker. i am so very confused about our relationship because between the two of us there is a mutual understanding between our friendship. probably he knows that i care for him ...
A. 26 September 2011: Whats your question exactly..?
He's straight... what more is there to say? You can't force yourself straight, just the same as he can't force himself to be gay. ... (read in full...)
I love him. If he was doing his part, would I be cheating? But am I wrong?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together 9 months, known each other 3 years, havent seen each other in 3 months, spoke on the phone once in those 3 months. our primary form of communication is texting. And sometimes we go a week without a text, es...
A. 26 September 2011: If you're gonna cheat then that's your choice, but don't try to blame your cheating on him... that's just sad.
... (read in full...)
I'm just really hurt and I didn't see it coming. Do I just let her go? I really do like her.
Q. First of all thank you for reading this! So i've been in love with my best friend now for close to two years. We met at a friend's house and we liked each other and went on a few dates. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years so she...
A. 26 September 2011: You either be her friend... or you don't. There's no moving forward with this girl and you really do need to accept that.
No really... you do.... (read in full...)
Why would he suddenly make his facebook photos public?
Q. A guy removed me as a friend from his facebook list because he wanted no regrets and didn't want me to know about his actions. I got a really amazing makeover in the upcoming year. I know I shouldn't be searching him but ... I did. Anyway, he has e...
A. 23 September 2011: You're reading WAAAAY too much into this.... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious of what went on at this bachelor party
Q. My boyfriend went on a bachelor party out of town for the weekend with his friends recently. He's already gone on a few of them before during our relationship and has always been good about communicating, even if it's just at the end of the night to ...
A. 22 September 2011: While I'm certainly not a fan of snooping, mostly because texts can be so easily misinterpreted... those texts can't be read any differently.
Sorry... but he cheated, there isn't a doubt in my mind from what you've told us. ... (read in full...)
Do NOT let your partner walk all over you!
Q. Well, tonight (Sept. 19th, 2011), I broke up with my gf. The one who would say something and I'd follow without question. It was good, because she needs someone better than me and I need someone better than her. Advice to men and women: Yes, ...
A. 20 September 2011: Maybe its just me, but isn't saying to a girl "what would you like to do" or "the decision is up to you" inviting/enabling her to take/have more control in the relationship?
I don't mean to come off as self-righteous here, but if you don't ta... (read in full...)
My mother can't afford the wedding, my b/f's family can but won't help!
Q. Me and my fiance are planning our wedding. I've always wanted to get married in a cathedral, and have a ball-gown style dress, and of course marry the man of my dreams. Unfortunately...my mom who would be fronting the bill, can't afford how much the ...
A. 20 September 2011: At the end of the day, nobody is obliged to pay for your wedding except you and your fiance.
It'd be nice if they helped out, but they owe you nothing and pushing the issue through your fiance probably isn't going to help. So either delay th... (read in full...)
How to get partner to get on with my parents after a disagreement?
Q. I have been with my partner for 9 months, we have a great relationship until recently we went on holiday with my parents. We got on well all of us, or so we thought till we got home and mum started complaining how my partner had changed on holiday ...
A. 20 September 2011: That's good news and I'm glad your mom apologized. That was big of her to swallow her pride.
Thanks for the follow up :)... (read in full...)
He says he's only staying until their child goes off to university
Q. The man I love has married his cousin. He says he is only staying with her until their child leaves home for university. Once she has left home he says we can then start to make plans for our future and tell our respective partners, with the ...
A. 20 September 2011: Just out of curiosity... how long will it be before their child goes off to university?? Days, months... or the old "a couple of years"?... (read in full...)
Am I obliged to tell his wife the details about the sex we had?
Q. A few months back I slept with my married boss twice. We got on great in work and in general, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Things were awkward and a mishap in communication led to a second 'mistake'. We agreed it would ...
A. 20 September 2011: Not only are you not obliged to tell her the details about the sex you had with her husband, but you're doing her a favor by not telling her.
What's she going to do with that knowledge besides conjure up images in her head that will eat her up..... (read in full...)
I can't stop the porn and masturbating habits! Help!
Q. I am addicted to porn and masturbating and I can't stop, I've tried many things but i just can't do it help please!...
A. 20 September 2011: Most computers tend to have "parental controls" and "net-nanny's" that you can activate on them. The worst thing about porn is that its so easy to get a hold of these days... its everywhere!
I suggest activating these limits on your computer... (read in full...)
How can I stop these affecting me and most of all how can I beat him at his own games without speaking to him directly?
Q. An ex bf of mine who is a real nasty piece of work has recently taken to playing small mind games while I'm at college. It's nothing massive but just small things. He's taken to deliberately walking past me and is constantly in and around places I ...
A. 20 September 2011: fi the tree's suggestion is evil, but I kinda like it. Depends if you wanna take the high road or the low road... either one could be effective.
Maybe have a guy friend hang around you WHILST wearing sunglasses AND ignoring him..?... (read in full...)
He forgot my birthday and I am going to forget his. Am I doing the right thing?
Q. I've been this guy for about 4yrs. The past year has been nonstop fighting between us because he's constantly screwing up but for some reason, I always stay. I'm not even sure if I love him anymore, and most of the time, I absolutely can't stand him ...
A. 20 September 2011: I think odds pretty much said it all... You say that you're giving him a chance, but honestly, you're not. As bad a boyfriend as he may be, (and we can't know to be honest), if you're gonna give him a chance, then flippin' give him a chance... ... (read in full...)
Had my teeth fixed and I'm worried my boyfriend will hate it!
Q. I've always had a fairly big gap in my front teeth and my boyfriend said he likes it, it's cute, etc... But I've wanted to get it fixed since I was little, so I finally did. It's really, really, really different looking. My whole face looks totally ...
A. 20 September 2011: "you're already the most beautiful woman in the world. Do whatever makes you happy."
He won't have a problem whatsoever.... (read in full...)
How to get partner to get on with my parents after a disagreement?
Q. I have been with my partner for 9 months, we have a great relationship until recently we went on holiday with my parents. We got on well all of us, or so we thought till we got home and mum started complaining how my partner had changed on holiday ...
A. 15 September 2011: If your Mom truly wants to get along with him, she'd reciprocally apologize... as she damn well should. Not accepting his apology in the first place was pretty petty and I'm hoping you recognize that you made a mistake in telling your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
| *mtmj's friends
These are mutual friends, so *mtmj has
added them and they have added *mtmj!
|
