A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26 year old married female, mother of a two year old. I have been married 3 years, and it feels like 50! My husband and I dated 2 years before hand and have known each other 6 years total. We have had our ups and downs but lately it feels like all we do is fight. He is a full time student and i stay at home with our two year old son. He is very messy, he dosen't seem to appreciate the fact that i work my ass off in this house and taking care of our son. I feel as if the love he once had for me is fading more and more each day. Our sex life has completly lost its passion, and i find myself wondering envious of other couples our age who are so "in love". I get so frustraited because he always has an attitude toward me even when ive done nothing wrong! He is a good guy deep down, but i dont know how to rekindle this love we had. I have suggested marriage counciling when ever we get into fights but he never acts into the idea. I am young, and I could use somone who really knows about relationships to give me some advice!
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female
reader, chandra Mcmillan  +, writes (9 October 2008):
 I was 16 when me and my partner began seeing each other and he had 2 teenage kids. I would suggest that one night get someone to look after your son a family member or friend even if it just for a few hours.Have a bath do your makeup and dress as sexy as you can. This is not just for your partners benefit it is for you as well. We tend when we have had kids to not use makeup and to wear jeans and a t-shirt or sweat pants and t-shirt make your self feel special. Get somthing for dinner that is nice and have a bottle of wine you and your partner, THEN give him a relaxing massage and watch the stress releas. Move on to kissing his back and teasing him sexually and you will find he will want to have sex soon after (this works with me and my fella) After you have relaxed tell him how you feel and make a big deal out of having time with your son but also seperate from your son. Your hubby probebly feels that having a son has made you a mother and not his wife. He needs to feel like he is needed and wanted just like you do.I hope this helps Good Luck
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (9 October 2008):
 Hi. Well I'm not young, but I have recently remarried (2 1/2 years ago) to a man much younger than me. Your situation is very interesting because I can see some similarities with my situation. I don't have kids, but I don't go out to work either - and like you I work very hard both in the home and in trying to set up a business, and attending the courses etc involved in doing that. My husband too doesn't always recognise what I do - in fact lets be honest, how can a man have any idea what any of us do, when they have their noses to the ground trying to bring in the income, or the potential for the income. I think this is the first problem we all make. We ALL think we are the ones working hardest, and we start taking each other for granted and feeling resentful and unappreciated. Like you, I feel our sex life is boring and that he doesn't particularly get interested when I try to spice things up. My man too is a good man. Wants only to please me, I know he does. And I know he loves me dearly. So whats happened? Whats gone wrong? Answer is I don't know. Some of it is what I said above, but something that keeps coming into my head is 'Be the change you want to make', and I have to tell you it works. So, if you want appreciation, be appreciative. If you want romance, be romantic. If you want affection, be affectionate. If you want happiness - SMILE. If you want love - be loving. I promise, it works, it really does. You see I think we all sit there waiting for someone else to make us happy. Well it aint gonna happen kid. And as old as I am, I still have to learn that. Yes you can say you're fed up with giving, its always you, but he's feeling eh same, trust me. Well it worked for me anyway. At least you can try, then if you don't get anything back after that time, then maybe you have to think again. But its worth a try ........ isn't it? Good luck.xx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 October 2008):
 It sounds to me like your and your husband have gotten into a rut and I'm sure if you asked him then he'd say he feels exactly the same way you do. You are at home looking after the baby, cooking, cleaning and tidying the house. He is a student and is studying hard and when he comes home just wants to chill. You've been on your own most of the day and will be looking for some stimulating conversation from him but he's only wanting to chill and maybe watch TV to unwind. You feel lonely, unloved and unappreciated for everything you do and when you try to talk to him about it he looks at it as "nagging."
My suggestion is that you try to get a family member to look after the little one for the weekend so that you and hubby can spend some quality time together. Use this weekend to talk and get to know one another again. You could either go away for a romantic weekend or if money is an issue then just a nice romantic walk together would be nice. Suggest it to him a few weeks beforehand and prepare a nice romantic meal.
Above all, when you talk with him, tell him you just want him to LISTEN to what you have to say. You don't want him to "fix" anything but just to listen. (When a woman talks, guys immediately think they need to provide all the answers and find a solution to a problem and this is where the confusion comes in). Talking helps a woman to get her emotions out into the open or if something is bothering her whereas men are totally the opposite, they keep things inside when something is bothering them and try to work it out themselves. Once he's listened to you then don't forget to thank him for listening and let him know you appreciate him taking the time to let you speak. This in turn will make him feel better and in turn, he'll be more willing to listen to you again in the future.
~Eve~
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