A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone know of any natural remedie to increase female libido?My Husband is a scorpio and he wants sex 24/7. I don't have any desire at all or I am just not sexually attracted to him, it's a problem I am only 30 years old.Please help, I feel molested when we have sex because I do it just to please him, and I get nothing out of it.
View related questions:
libido Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 October 2008):
 I have a website that might help you find a counselor who specializes in the type of therapy Smiles has suggested. Here is the link:
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/
It has a search page which will help you find a specialist in your state.
I do hope that your husband understands the importance of you getting the help you need, even if it is expensive. This kind of investment, in your mental health, will be money well spent if it helps you deal with your past and put you on a path to a happier and healthier future.
I hope that this will help.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 October 2008):
Hi, Smiles has given you such excellent advice and suggestions that I can only say that she is on the right track for you.
I understand that not having medical insurance is a huge impediment for you to see the doctor. Is it possible for you to contact the doctor who provided the prescriptions for the drugs you mentioned for a referral to a counselor that Smiles has suggested?
If you feel comfortable, you might let me or Smiles know what state you live in, so that we can help with some research for you. If you don't want to post it here, you may send either of us a personal message. Just click out our little pictures or our names and it will take you to our columns. There, you'll see a line that says 'send xxxx a private message.' Push that link and you'll be able to send us a private message.
I too send you my best wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): Dear Poster
Thanks for the update.
I can recommend a very good book that will help you tremendously:
The Complete Guide to Sexual Fulfillment
BY: Dr Philip Cauthery and Dr Andrew Stanway, with Faye Cooper
The book is like a relationship "bible" giving lots of info to various aspects of relationships and yeah also sexual guidance.
I personally think hypnosis might be a very good idea; it is not good to have things from your childhood suppresses in your subconscious. When it is out in the open, you can learn to deal with it; I suggest you then ask the therapist for Emotional Stress Release for Past Trauma; ESR for past trauma is a very quick and effective way to remove the negative feelings and emotions from those bad and traumatic experiences; creating room in your subconscious for more love and for experiencing life with less fear and with less hurt. Yes you will remember the bad experiences but it will not have a negative impact on you when the emotions surrounding it are released.
You will feel so much better and will be in a position to live a far more fulfilled and enriched life. Yes, it will be good to help you to get rid of it all; to let go of the pain and the hurt and to become free of all that suppressed hurt and trauma.
Do not hesitate to contact me, if I can be of any assistance; I am here for you anytime.
Please keep me updated.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Best wishes and oh, always keep SMILING.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your advice.I will pick up a book and try to work on this problem.Do you think getting hypnosis to find out what I cant remeber is a good idea? my husband thinks I should know and I think that if I forgot it must be because I dont want to know. If you think its a good ideathan I will do it but if you think I can move on with out having to move in the past I would much rather do that.Thank you once again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Dear Poster
Once again I want to empathize with you for what you have suffered in your life.
Okay, there are lots of issues that needs to be addressed but let us start with the main question; how to increase your libido.
Taking everything into consideration; your suppressed childhood (which is worrying me); the trauma you suffered during childhood; your first sexual experience (that you can recall) that was painful; the loss of your baby; your affair; the use of anti depressants; these are all things that have an influence on you physically, psychologically and emotionally. Indirectly they all contribute to your lack of libido;
You were attracted to your husband before and I do believe you can ignite those feelings again; BUT it will take commitment from both of you; sex in a marriage is suppose to be more then just satisfying physical needs; it is the ultimate bonding between two people in becoming one;
I suggest you have to start loving yourself; you have to let go of the past (this might difficult and we will discuss that later); you have to rediscover your own body; start masturbating and discover the pleasure and enjoyment of orgasm; you need to overcome your own personal inner restrictions; once this has been achieved it will be easier to allow and guide your husband to masturbate you;
Of course foreplay is important and you should talk to your husband about that; you need to communicate your needs and wants to him and if need be show him what you like ; if possible invest in a good book with sexual guidelines and start reading through it together; Your husband needs to know how you feel and he will not be able to guess: you need to TALK to him; sometimes women lose there libido because they feel and think that the husband is just interested in intercourse and is just thinking about himself; BUT you need to talk to him and guide him; this is a learning curve and it is different from person to person; but maybe you should ask him to stimulate you with his hands; maybe he should finger your vagina before he starts penetration; you have to try all these things and find what works best for you;
During the day or whenever you have a chance, think about your sexual fantasies and think about penetration; try practice these thoughts whilst masturbating as that will help to re-enforce the pleasure of the fantasy. These fantasies you can then use when having intercourse and it should help you getting in the mood and aroused easier.
As for information on foreplay if need be get a book as I suggested or advice me and I will forward details to you.
Now, it is very important, as mentioned before, that you TALK to your husband and that you are both going to work on your sexual INTIMACY; this needs to be a team effort;
I wish I was closer then I could help you by doing it ; but unfortunately I am not; HOWEVER, there must be some hospitals offering free medical; I suggest you should see a doctor or a counselor that is familiar with Emotional Stress Release for Past Trauma; this will be a wonderful therapy for you to LET GO of the bottled up hurt and emotions.
You need to set yourself free from what happened in the past and FORGIVE yourself;
If there is no means that you can get to a counselor or therapist please advice me; send me an email address and I will forward certain stress release exercises that you can do to help you.
For now you need to stop criticizing or blaming yourself; you need to think about the FUTURE; you need to do this for me; go stand in front of the mirror and hug yourself whilst saying: “I love myself” repeat this at least 10x saying it believe it but look yourself in the eye whilst saying it.
There is so much more I want to share with you but it is no point I bombard you with to much info at once; I do believe we need to take it step by step.
You have some homework to start with;
I am looking forward to hear from you we will work slowly towards progress; I am determined to try and help you and assist you as much as I can.
Lots of hugs; try to SMILE whilst giving yourself those big HUGS.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Dear Poster
Thank you for the update; Vow, I am lost for words; I wish I could be there with you now to just give you a big hug; My heart is bleeding for you and I have tears in my eyes; You have suffered so much in life; I can feel your hurt and pain;I know it must have been difficult answering the questions and do appreciate your honesty. I want to help you and will try my best to be of assistance. I will spend time to work on it this afternoon and will get back to you later today. I just want you to know for NOW, you are not alone anymore; here on this site we share your pain and will do our best to assist you.
While I am busy working on some answers and trying to find some solutions I want you to know, you are NOW in my prayers and thoughts.
Speak to you a little later.
Lots of hugs and SMILES.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear smiles first thank you for responding here are my answers.Ok wow.I have been married for 2 years now and we have been together for 7. No he was not my first.My first experience was when I got married at 16 he was huge and it was painfull, not cool.It was not always like this at all I was extremely atracted to him, I think it changed because I started to have feelings for our male best friend and we desided to break our friendship so we wouldnt hurt my husband, this was a while back and I am over that fantasy, just not over losing my bestfriend.I have had three kids all c section.I should be on lexapro but I dont want to take it, but I do take xanax once in a while.My first son was murdered 11 years ago he was only 13 month old they never put the killer behind bars but they do know where he is but can not experdite from costa rica.I have not been to the dr because no insurance.My husband use to be really active played a lot of basketball and now all he does is play video games, no he does not work out, but he is a good guy and great dad to "my" kids.Foreplay, whats that? No he wants to get right to the point and I want him to hurry and get off of me.Yes he is pretty selfish I think, He can not make me have an orgasm I have to do all the work.I have fantasies but I do not masturbate.My mom and dad split when I was 5 I think all I remember is my dad cutting his vains when my mom was telling him to leave and never come back, my dad tried to take me but the neighbor came out with a gun a yanked me from my fathers arms. I wanted to go with him he was my Daddy and he was so hurt emotionally and physically.My mom immidietly moved in my drunk stepfather and I dont remember anything untill my dad kid napped me when I was nine, my memories started that day. We moved to Guatemale city wich was the best years of my life, I love my Dad very much he raised me well.I moved back to the U.S when I was 16 because I wanted toget to know my real mom any time I had spent with her before 9 I didnt remember so it was like never having a mom. I got married at 16 because things with my Mom didnt work out as I planned she never missed me at all, I thought. I promise I did have some good times, I know it looks really bad but I am a pretty strong person, I think.I have had a lot of lost in my life and this is why I am not open to the ones close to me I just end up losing them anyways.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you and do realize that this situation was be very frustrating to both you and your husband. It sounds as if you are not sexually compatible BUT in order to try and help you I will need more information.
How long have you been married?
Was he your first?
What was your first sexual experience like?
Was it always like this, or did it change gradually or suddenly?
Do yo have children? Natural birth?
Are you on any medication? Anti depressants or the birth control pill?
Have you suffered any major loss? i.e. the loss of a close relative or parent ?
When last have you had a complete medical check up? i.e. thyroid, pap smear etc.
What attracted you to your husband in originally?
Is your husband taking care of his body, image and lifestyle?
Do you and your husband pay enough attention to foreplay?
What kind of a lover is he, selfish or does he try to arouse and stimulate you?
Have you reached orgasm before? With your husband?
Do you masturbate? Do you have fantasies?
You mentioned you can only really remember your childhood from about age 9; it sounds as if you might be suppressing some childhood memories; Need to know more about your childhood; i.e. did you grow up with both your mom and dad? what was there relationship like etc.
I know it is a lot of questions but they are all relevant; you can answer me by Private Message if you wish; with more info I can try to help you;
OR
I suggest you consult your doctor and ask him to refer you to a counselor or therapist.
I do want to help you and even if you take some libido enhancers I do believe you need to get to the root of the problem.
Best wishes and remember always try to keep SMILING.
the
...............................
A
female
reader, Ladeeda +, writes (9 October 2008):
There is a product you can find at most local stores (at least here in the usa-walmart stores-) called zeztra. You get it in the section with the condems and all that stuff. It's applied topicaly and it is suppose to be all natural. It helps get you in the mood. It does work, because i have tried it. But even more than that.. You need to figure out the issue going on inside you. A few things.. if it is somthing physcialy about him that he can change talk to him nicely.. like for example..you think he has bad body odor, he could shower before hand. If it isn't anything physcially wrong.. maybe its the fact that you were never that into it to begin with. You were caught up in the momment or lied to yourself. If thats the case, then I hate to say this, but your basically screwed. You can make the best of it and ask God to put those desires you should have toward him there.. or you could get divorced. There really is no easy anwser. Hope this helped!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I dont remeber anything before the age of 9 and that is pretty old, I have always had a feeling that something happened that I cant remember. I do have urges sometimes but as soon as he touches me I just want to run far far away. I love him so much he is a great guy to me and my kids but I just have no desire for him sexually. I did at first but now I just think I am going crazy.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon  +, writes (9 October 2008):
 ok here goes... now i dont know you from adam but i am gonna do what i do.. and that is going by my instincts... i really hope i dont hurt your feelings and i really really dont want u to go mental. it seems to me that at some point in your past, wether with this man or someone previous, or maybe when u were a lot younger something happened to you sexualy that was bad. i mean really bad. if that is the case then i recon that a trip to the doctors may be in order so that they can help you mentaly with this problem. i am currently on anti depressants and these affect my libido greatly. but before i was on them i didnt have one either because i was deppresed about stuff.
but (and here is some good news) a temporary solution could be the pink pill from anne summers. it is basically viagra for women who have trouble with climaxing and getting "in the mood". i used to take it once or twice a week and now i dont need them any more because i am sorting out my past problems. i havent taken any for about three weeks now, but i cant get enough of my husband
hope this helps
bluntasaspoon
...............................
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (9 October 2008):
 I am sorry that you are having a difficult time being intimate with your husband.
First off, I think it warrants trying to find the root cause instead of a "fix". By finding the root cause, more often than not the issue will resolve itself.
So let's explore the possiblities. Are you stressed at work? Stressed at home? Finances? Do you have children? Are you constantly dealing with the children instead of your husband? Are there some things that you just aren't happy about?
What I am getting at is what is it that occupies most of your time and thoughts? People forget that these things are naturally killers of libido in both men and women. If you are constantly thinking about the things that are bothering you - you don't have time (or the desire) to think about sex.
So if you happen to know the exact thing(s) that are causing your stresses then try to change them so that you are not experiencing the stress. If you have no clue that you are stressed or let alone what causes your stress, I would recommend a licensed counselor to help you figure them out. Once you get the stress, anger, and anxieties out of the way, the sexual desire will return on its own.
Of course, there is the issue of you not being sexually attracted to your husband anymore. Again, if this is the case, I would recommend counselling to help you figure out why that is. But you might already know. If you do, sit down and talk with your hubby to discuss your issues you have with him.
Good luck and god bless.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Are you scared? Do you think he is being considerate and gentle? It may be that something else is going on which is putting you off him. If I get cross with my man it either makes me more randy or I can't stand his hands on me. Have a think. It may be you tellng yourself that you are not compatible and perhaps you are scared of that possibility. Has it always been this way? Would he see a sex therapist with you? It is a pain when men won't because they are proud but those people know how to sort this stuff.
...............................
|
