A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If your boyfriend cheated on you. Said he was sorry and wanted to get help becasue he felt so bad hurting you. And he started going to coucneling to talk about these issues and solve them. would you stay? would you believe he wanted to change? would dropping contact with the other woman and going to counceling signal he wants to change? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I think deep down everyone would obviously want to believe that they could change, and things, and never cheat again, but your young and I'm guessing he's young, and your going to have hard times, and he's going to go through tough things, and meet new people and he might cheat again.
I think if you have to question it, it probably isn't right.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): "Would you stay if your b/f cheated and said he wanted to change?"
No.
"would dropping contact with the other woman and going to counceling signal he wants to change?"
No, it would signal he's going through the motions to foster the false belief that he wants to change so you will forgive and forget, allowing him to then go back to cheating on you without arousing your suspicions.
You don't take a cheater back because he SAYS he WANTS TO CHANGE, you take him back based on what he DOES over an extended period of time that proves beyond reasonable doubt that he indeed HAS CHANGED, which almost never happens.
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A
female
reader, SweetIvy +, writes (11 July 2012):
How serious is your relationship? It depends on the Level you two are on. If he is going to counseling over this situation it sounds serious. I say everybody deserves a second chance but don't be naive. Use your own good judgement to determine how committed he is to doing the right thing. If you feel like you can make it then by all means go ahead. Just protect your heart.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2012):
 At your age, no.
I think if it was a marriage, there would be a reason to perhaps work on it, but in a BF/GF relationship I would be done. (even in a marriage I'm not sure I would stay, I would give it a shot at working it out, because there is a higher level of commitment.)
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I do believe people can be genuinely sorry, and make an honest effort to change. People make mistakes, and while some are worse than others, if they know what they've done is wrong and work hard to make up for it... I think it's possible to come back from doing something like that.
That being said, I wouldn't stay. Not a chance. There are just too many people in this world, too many opportunities to meet someone suited to you, that I wouldn't really see it worth my time to stay with someone who had betrayed me like that. Everyone's different, and there are millions and millions of people more forgiving than me, I'm sure... but I just couldn't do it. It might be different if I were married to them, or had kids with them, but as that has never been the case with any relationship I've had yet... I couldn't say for sure.
Ultimately it's up to you, and what you think would be right for yourself. Could you move past this together and work on your relationship? Can you forgive him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Well, he's taking counceling, meaning he must think something was wrong with him for doing it, and it's a sign he wants to fix it, he also droped contact with her, which is another good sign, and besides, sounds like this is the first time he's ever done it, i've known girls to stay with cheating bfs for just a "please don't leave me i'm sorry" sounds like he's actually making an effort, don't leave him just yet, give him another chance, i mean that's what i think, it's really up to you, if you love him, and trust him, and want to stay with him, then do it, if you want, hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Honestly , thats something long and hard to think aboutt make the pros and cons list if its more cons then leave if more pros then you should forget the cons and move on . My 100% honest opinion would be to leave thats just me : he disrespected your bofy soul and peace of mind i do think people change bit i will forgive but never forget
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